Thursday, October 17, 2019
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My Fiance’s Ex Still Has Hots For Him:Can I Get Rid Of Her?

Dear Jzhane,

Please keep my ID private. Help me ask the LS house for their opinion on this matter. So,I am a 26 year old lady. I started working in a company after my service year,in September last year. I like my work,my office people are nice. I met a man who is a 43 years old divorcee. He has one child from his ex.

Lets just call him,Greg. Greg is nice and very attractive. He does not even look like a 43 years old man. He and I hit it off nicely and when he found out my age,he wanted to do the honorable thing but my maturity made it easy. We became quite close and he was single and before you know it,we were in love.

Greg has told me all about himself. Why his marriage did not work out. Actually his wife is half American. She did not want to relocate to Nigeria,she was also messing around. So,they got divorced after many fights and he came back to Nigeria. He started afresh about four years ago. He has been in and out of dating but no one seriously caught his fancy but me.

Like,we started dating in November last year,by February this year,Greg was already talking marriage. We are best friends,soul mates. I have met everyone of his family and friends. At first,people get shocked at the age difference but when they see us together,they finally understand. Like,we are glowing with happiness and we simply get each other.

The only person I have not met is Greg’s ex and his son who are in the US. Well,I guess I will meet them some day. Maybe this summer if we travel to US after our wedding which we have fixed for August this year. My parents think Greg is too old for me but I managed to convince them that he is perfect for me.

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My reason for writing this to you Jzhane is because I found out something recently. So,Greg was ill few weeks ago. He was so sick that he had to be hospitalized. That was when I visited his family hospital.(His parents own a big hospital,managed by a female Doctor,who is like a family friend to them). This family doctor is the one that attends to every member of their family.

During Greg’s stay in the hospital. I noticed how familiar or close she was around Greg. Well,I thought it was because she was their family Doctor. But as a woman,I felt a ping of jealousy around her. The way she held him and looked at him. I was sure this was not professional. So I asked Greg why the Doctor was so touchy freely with him.

Greg pretended not to know what I was referring to. But I did not let this go. I went to the Doctor and confronted her about her unprofessional way of treating Greg. She looked at me with scorn and called me ”a little girl who is trying to be a wannabe”. Those were her exact words. I froze. I asked her to explain herself but she walked out on me.

This time,I demanded an explanation from Greg. He told me to forget about her . That he and this Doctor dated briefly when he returned from the US. But they broke up when he discovered that she was pressuring him for marriage and he was not ready. She also is a single mother. Now,it dawned on me that this Doctor still loves Greg.

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I was upset with Greg but because he was sick,I let my emotion aside. Now,he is discharged,I forbade Greg from going to that hospital and getting treated by that Doctor. Greg said I was being childish. This is the first time Greg would ever call me childish. Jzhane,I am so crazy with jealousy. I feel that Doctor will keep trying to flirt and seduce Greg as long as she is the family Doctor.

This issue has brought about my first major misunderstanding with Greg. Greg feels I should trust him never to cheat even if the doctor tries anything but I feel he can only assure me if he does not allow he be the one treating him. I mean,there are other doctors in the hospital na.

Ma,I love Greg and I know this is a bump in the road of our relationship but I am also scared of loosing Greg or him taking advantage of my youth and innocence. How can I trust him around that single doctor who is quite attractive?

And why would Greg not listen to me and stop getting treated by her? Instead he calls me childish…is this how he will be calling me childish if we have a disagreement and do not agree on things?

Please all,advice me.

 

From Ruthie (Not real name)

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Ruthie,

    To be honest,the age gap between you and Greg will always be an issue if you both do not act maturely about it.

    A good example is what is happening now. Why is he calling you childish? And are you behaving childish?

    Its one thing to find out that your man’s ex has feelings for him but how you and your fiance react is what matters.

    I think Greg should act mature and do whatever it takes to reassure you that nothing is going on with the ex and will never happen.

    And yes,I agree,he should actually not get treated by her except it is an emergency and there are no other doctors on ground. Some women would even demand that the ex be relived of her job …but that would be extreme.

    So Ruthie,have a calm and mature relationship with your man. Let him know how you feel in the most polite and mature way. You do not have to be dramatic about it. Do not give him any ultimatum.

    After talking to him,watch his response. Give him time to see how things go. If during your other conversations he still calls you childish,maybe you might want to rethink your relationship with him.

    Because of the age gap,he should never call you childish if he wants your marriage to work. And you must learn to act mature and wise so your age never becomes a factor.

    Remember you are marrying a divorcee…I beg you,count the cost..understand what you are fully getting into…how will you react around his son and baby mama too when you meet them. A whole lot of maturity will be required of you all through this marriage.

    Think about it hard and long. Pray about it hard and long ,let God guide you and COUNT THE COST!

    I wish you all the best.

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