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My Fiancee Is Too Educated: Will She Make A Good Wife?

Hi,

My name is TJ. I run a successful parts business. I grew up with nothing cos my parents were very poor. This affected my education. I did not got to school. But when I came to Lagos to learn the spare parts business,I made up my mind to go to school even if its just to get primary six or WACE certificate.

It was not easy. At 18 years,I started learning how to read and write. I did my WAEC at age 25. I stopped after WAEC  to focus on my business which I just started after my apprenticeship.

I took my time to build my business to where it is now. Its a multi million naira business by the grace of God. I used to meet alot of girls.I dated some but none met my eyes. I knew many of them were just after my money. I wanted a humble woman who would take care of our home.

Last year,I started Part time studies. Again it was not easy cos I have a big business to manage. But I am determined to finish at least get an OND. Its not because I need a job cos I am already a millionaire with workers.

This year,in March,I met this girl. Very pretty and humble. Very friendly and a good christian. Actually she came to buy parts from our shop and one of our workers tried to trick her and she demanded to see the management.

It turns out that she is an Engineer. I was very impressed meeting a lady engineer. She schooled abroad and has 2 masters in Mechanical engineering. That really intimidated me but we became friends as she kept in touch and we were always chatting.

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She invited me to her birthday in April. We connected from there and started dating. I love her so much. She is a peaceful and humble and nice lady. I want to marry her. She is my kind of woman.

My only concern is that,being a girlfriend is different from being a wife. Will she be a humble wife when she has masters and PHD?…will she be humble to her husband who barely has OND?

Right now,she seems cool but what if she changes. I have shared this my fear with my family and they seem to agree with me that she may not be the right woman for me. I am the type of man that believes that if your husband can provide for the wife,then the wife should stay at home and manage the home.

If its the money,I don’t mind paying her 1 million every month apart from home keeping money. I tried to have that discussion with her. She told me her dream is to be one of the best female Engineers in the world.

But she loves me and will like to marry me. So its clear that out parts may be different. But I cannot dream of breaking up with her. So they say marriage is about compromise. I am ready to compromise to be with her.

My worry is that,I hope I do not later regret it….she is too smart and too educated ….will our marriage work? So far things are going fine. She is not after my money cos she herself is comfortable. We spend time together alot….but….I dont know what the future will be like…

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What if she changes….what if I change …what if…please advise.

 

From TJ

 

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:Youworkforthem

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

5 COMMENTS

  1. Hello TJ,

    I believe to key to successful marriage is communication,more communication and even more communication. And then of course,when God is at the center of your relationship.

    I think what you need do is have a discussion with her. Share your concerns with her. Let her know your insecurities and both of you should discuss how to manage those insecurities. You must do this in a loving way.

    The reason for doing this is because, a time will truly come when you will actually feel all these things you talked about even when she is not the one making you feel insecure.

    So you need to work on yourself. Push yourself. You too can get to any level of education you desire….don’t ever feel inferior or try to make her think she is proud because you yourself lacks self esteem.

    You said she is humble and nice. She probably will be that way even in marriage . But if she changes, you should still love her regardless. Everyone is work in progress. No one is perfect.

    So,I think you just need to communicate more about anything bothering you so you can resolve it. If you cannot resolves issues bothering you at this stage,then you can let her go.

    I wish you the best.

  2. Love will two people together but their values will tear them apart.
    The Bible says two cannot work together if they don’t agree.
    One thing that will sustain a marriage is when the couple share common values.

    From your write up, it is clear that you want a wife who will stay at home while she is a career woman and will want to focus on her career. This is already an issue, because both of you are on a different part in this issue.

    The question I want to ask you is this.
    Will you be comfortable with your wife building a career for herself?

    Hope you will not feel intimidated when she starts excelling in her career?

    Hope you will not try to stop her from growing in her career and forcing her to be a full time house wife?

    You will need to ask yourself these questions. The answer to these questions will tell you whether to proceed with her or back out.

    She has clearly told you that she is a career woman and will want to build her career. If you know you cannot live with her that way, please just let her be.

  3. My guy,

    I really commend how you have risen above your circumstances to succeed. You have fallen in love with a woman who is not someone who you imagined you would love. I won’t lie, differences in background can be a challenge. However, using the same tenacity and focus you used to develop your business can be applied to learning about marriage. The bible will be an excellent start to teach about your relationship with God and others. You must learn to communicate your expectations and aspirations now or your marriage to this lady or any lady for that matter is doomed. If you share with her and there is a mismatch, you both have the choice of compromising (the bedrock of all good marriages) or finding someone else.

    To be frank, an educated woman will do wonders for training your kids, helping with schoolwork etc. You seem like someone who wants to get ahead in life, you should also understand your potential wife has her ambitions too. Even if she was uneducated, she may still have ambitions to progress. I believe you will be the proudest man alive if your wife excels in her career. Don’t be the man who feels “if my wife gets bigger than me, that makes me smaller”. Won’t all success boost the family ? A financially buoyant wife can hold the family up in leaner times of the husbands business.

    Before you think of entering marriage develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It will be a solid foundation for your home and business.

    All the best.

    Mrs Sho.

  4. If you marry her, your children will turn out brilliantly, because she will see they are tops in their field .

    Please allow her continue with her career , she won’t be fulfilled otherwise and discuss these issues before marriage .

    Please don’t let low esteem make you two start fighting . You are a huge success yourself . You can get your OND and more of you want . Let her see you are secure in yourself . Marrying her will help you also make up for ‘lost’ grounds.

    Let Christ be the Centre of your marriage .

  5. One question, are you comfortable around her social circle ?

    Is she proud to show you off among her colleagues- school mates, work mates, family ? If yes, that’s good too.

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