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My Fiancee And Her Family: Lies And Secrets That May Haunt Us

Hello Jzhane,

I am Joe (Not real name). My fiancee and I are happy. I met her two years ago in Benin. She was working as a Nurse. I admired her zeal and passion for life and helping people. I used to love travelling down to see her every other week but I was finally able to convince her to move down to Lagos as our wedding plans drew near.

In the course of our relationship,she told me that Her mother died when she was little. She never really knew her mother. Even my mother felt very maternal to her as a result of this.Last week was our marriage introduction. We traveled to my wife’s place in Edo state for the introduction. All went well.

But as we rounded up the traditional rites. A relative from my fiancee’s family,Someone who is related to her step mother,called my uncle aside and told him that my fiancee’s mother is alive but that the family is hiding her from the public.That she is sick and locked up in a psychiatric home.

I called my Fiancee and told her what we found out. She was shocked and asked to speak to me alone. I saw she was shaking.That was when she broke down and confessed that her mother is alive but has mental illness and epilepsy. That the shame of it made the family keep her away in solitary mental home.

I was angry that she did not tell me. She said some of her suitors before me walked away when they found out. So she was afraid I would. Yes,she have been afraid but still is wrong and she betrayed my trust. Plus,her mother’s type of illness could be hereditary….who knows…is it still safe to go on with my marriage plans?

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Of course,my family is devastated and divided on the matter. My mother thinks I should forgive my fiancee…but my father and Uncles feel that I should let go. This is because they agree with me that mental illness and epilepsy is hereditary. I made my research,its is genetic….This is a hard decision for me. I need your advise everyone.

I wish she told me from the beginning….some people even think that this may be spiritual knowing what people from my fiancee’s state are involved with spiritually. Please help me with prayer and advice on what steps to take next.

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God bless you all.




Ogudu ,lagos


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Joe,

    This must be very confusing as there are questions of integrity and how the future will be for you and your fiancee.

    First forgive her cover up. This condition is what many families actually cover up for fear of stigma. But mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. It should be addressed with care and empathy.

    As epilepsy,my knowledge of the condition is limited. Please seek out a medical doctor’s advice on it. You can make your decision based on the medical advice you receive.

    But if you are a Christian,know that you are a new creature….the new creature lives by faith not by blood or human gene…but this is only for those who’s faith can obtain this.

    It may not be as bad as you think. Pray about it,let God guide you through this.

    But forgive your fiancee…she was only afraid….

    God bless you.


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