My Fiance Wants A Quiet Wedding…Is He Trying To Hide Something?

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Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my identity. I am a 31 year old lady. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost three years. I met my guy when I was having issues in the bank one day.I had come to do some transactions and the delay was going to make me loose my flight. I was very hysterical. I asked to see the bank MD,a young man came out and said he is the P.A to the MD….long story short..the P.A ended up exchanging numbers with me.

We kept in touch for a few weeks,it became romantic and we met afterwards. We liked each other…and started dating. All these while,I thought he was a P.A to a bank MD. We dated for almost seven months before he told me he was actually the MD. I was shocked!….He was just 34. His father is a popular business mogul. They own banks among other businesses.

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He revealed that my love for simple life and that I was non materialistic was what made him fall in love with me. His job as a bank MD is tedious and he meets the high and mighty in society..as well as endless women trying to get his attention. Our relationship has not been without flaws but somehow,we managed to pull through…its hard sometimes I must confess…

In November last year,he finally proposed to me and I said yes. I was so happy he proposed. But I was really concerned cos the proposal was so quiet and simple. I mean,I am not materialistic but a girl’s dream is to have a near perfect proposal. It was just me and him,one day after he dropped me off from work…he turned to kiss me good night and he popped the question with a ring in his hand…no fun fare…no friends or family to witness…nothing…he didn’t even go down on his knees..I was happy and a little sad but I said yes because I loved him…

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I was hoping to tell him how I felt but again…I did not want him to feel like I was after his money…I always make excuses for him….but now,my wedding is coming up in April and he says he wants a quiet wedding…just us and our parents….we argued before he agreed to allow our siblings come… And he wants it in Ghana (not real location but an African country) so no one can find out…I mean,I know he is a society man and his family is widely known in the country and all over the world…why on earth does he want a quiet wedding?

Not many even know we are engaged!…Is he hiding me?Is he ashamed of me?…Much as I do not want to be extravagant…I want a real wedding with my friends in attendance…he refuses..he in fact gets angry when I bring it up….I thought wedding and wedding planning is the woman’s job? The only thing I was allowed to do is pick out my dress….every other thing he says he has it covered cos he does not want any information about our wedding to leak.

I have asked him why the secrecy,he says he likes his private life to remain private…I am a Media presenter. I like a little fun and entertainment….why should I be confined by my husband to be into a lifestyle I am not used to? He is a cool guy,caring and all…however,I do not understand the reason for the secrecy. Frankly speaking…I am a bit worried that he is trying to marry me in silence…maybe there is something to hide or someone he does not want to know about it?

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Please advice me…is this a deal breaker or should I just forget about it and play along?

From Anonymous LS Fan

 

Photo Credit:Gabrielle Fani

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4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello dear,

    I am not sure if it is just him trying to keep his private life private..I do not know him as much as you..I cannot say…

    But if his actions and words suggest so…be careful….try and talk to him about it in a loving non pressurized manner.

    Or get someone whom he respects their opinion to try and get him to at least meet you half way

    You may not have the wedding of your dreams but you can make small compromises especially if those compromises will not cost so much….

    Talk about it with him….also pray about …

    I hope things go well for you in the end.

  2. I wish you would start now to make enquiries about him from friends, customers of the bank, his colleagues.

    If there is anyway you can disguise to get any info about him, please do it before April.

    You never can tell.

    I want to assume you now know his parents and siblings, if not please it is a red flag.

    Find a way to get to know more about him and his “private” life.

    It’s cool to do such type of wedding and living a private life but you have to be totally sure of he is not actually married to someone else before now.

    I pray you find a way around it.

    Goodluck and congrats on advance.

  3. I think he’s over doing the quiet thing. I had a quiet wedding too but unlike your case I chose to have one and adviced my hubby in that light. My reason was the stress associated with big wedding as I had an overbearing traditional wedding btw two cultures so I decided not to have a repeat of the show.
    It was my Choice and hubby and family as well as friends understood.
    Now my point is, you can’t in the name of a private life go into hiding. Secondly marriage is between two people who mutually agree to do things together. It shouldn’t be a one sided thing such that one person in the name of living a private life ignores their partner’s feelings as regards an issue.
    You’re the one wearing this shoe. Ask yourself critically if this is what you TRULY want for yourself. Cos, little signals point to things that may rear their ugly heads later. Thanks, my humble take.

  4. Please be sure he doesn’t have a family some where that he is trying to hide you from.

    Get someone you can trust to do some ground work on him and his personal life to be sure you are not marrying another woman’s husband without knowing.

    If after the ground work and you find out he is not hiding anything, then you have to be sure he doesn’t have control issues. For all you know, you may be marrying a man with control issues and if you marry him, you will never have a say in that marriage. He will make all the decisions. If you discover he has control issues, then put a hold on the marriage plans. Let work on his issues before you proceed.

    Above all, what does your instinct tell you about marrying this person. Do you feel right, happy and comfortable deep down within you about marrying this person. Follow the leading of your intuition. It will always lead you right.

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