Friday, November 15, 2019
Home Advice My Fiance Threw My Iphone Inside The Toilet.How Can I Forgive Him?

My Fiance Threw My Iphone Inside The Toilet.How Can I Forgive Him?

Hello ma,

Please advise me. I am in a relationship that has been going on for like a year now. Our mothers were friends. They reconnected about two years ago and they got talking and when her friend saw me,she was like wow,me and her son would be a perfect match.

Myself and her son were introduced and started dating. It felt weird at first but I discovered,myself and Mide had so much in common. We formed a quick bond quickly. Our mothers were happy. But not for too long.

A few months later,I started noticing that Mide’s mom started giving me attitude. I think that came from when Mide and I decided to stop letting her interfere. She is the type of mother who wants to know everything about her son’s relationship.

At first,I was telling her. It seemed sweet but later it became over bearing. Mide and I decided to keep her off and she stated giving attitude. That attitude she passed to my mom. My mom became worried and asked me to be careful.

Now,Mide’s mom is trying to feed him with stories about me and my mom. She says that I am not fit to marry her son because my mom is a slot. My mom slept with someone’s husband and she does it all the time.

This is a lie. Even though my parents had an affair,she told me my father did not tell her he was married. He lied to her. She discovered when she was pregnant with me. He later lied that he was getting divorced. That is how my mom stayed with him until she had my second sister but when it became clear he was not leaving his wife,she left him.

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All these I told Mide when we started dating so Mide did not believe his mom’s allegation.But his mother kept meddling and doing everything in her power to destroy our relationship.

Instead od breaking us,this made our relationship stronger. Infact,Mide proposed to me against his mother’s wish. His mother has rained all sorts of insults on me and my mother. But Mide and his family love me. That keeps me going.

Until few weeks ago. I was visiting Mide and just chilling when my phone ran. I took the call and later dropped the phone. A male colleague had just called me and we had a chat about work.

When I dropped,Mide said who is he. I said a colleague na. He said I sounded so excited to speak to him. I was wondering where this was coming from. Mide demanded to see my phone and I felt that was wrong of him. Why will he suspect me? If I had anything to hide,will I take the call in front of him?

He insisted on seeing my phone but I refused. He became suspicious the more and started to try to take my phone. I struggled to let him have it. We struggled until he got the phone from me and he went straight to the toilet and threw my phone into the toilet.

I was so angry and surprised. That was our biggest fight ever. He made statements like if I want him not to believe what his mom says about me and my mom,I have to be completely honest and let him see my phone anytime he asks.

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Those words hurt me so bad. I told him to go to hell. I do not need him to believe me. I know I am not doing anything wrong and for even doubting me and throwing my iphone in the toilet made me really angry.

We promised not to allow his mother get in between us but it looks like she may have already. I left him and told him it was over. We didn’t speak for 2 days. I cried and mourned our love. By the 3rd day,he came to beg me and apologize.

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He has been begging and apologizing. But now,I am scared of what I had seen. I had seen him get so angry to the point of destroying an expensive phone. What else is he capable of doing?

My mom said I should have allowed him see my phone when he asked. Is that not a sign of trust issues?Did I do wrong for not allowing him see my phone? Will I have to continue trying to prove my innocence?

I love Mide so much. No doubt. He loves me too. Should I give him a second chance? Will ever change and be like his mom later? I am scared and I need advise. Scared of loosing Mide and scared of making a mistake.

 

Help me.

 

Joke (Not Real name)

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Joke,

    Your fiance may have over reacted but I don’t think its enough to break up with him.

    So far,you both are doing good by cutting off bad influences in your relationship. Keep doing that.

    I would say,both of you need to bond together such that no one can come in between both of you. You will need that if you want a successful marriage.

    So forgive him. Maybe he should buy you another phone to replace the one he destroyed.

    However,be very observant. If this happens again or become recurrent,then you need to know that his mother maybe inside his head or he has changed. Then you need to decide if you stay or leave.

    In the meantime,forgive him and be very observant. Don’t be overly suspicious or cautious…that could lead to serious trust issues that might make things worse.

    Wish you all the best.

  2. I believe in patterns, consistencies. If this attitude of his was a one time thing then it’s fine you can try again but watch the pattern and if he was truly sorry.
    Moreso, you should be aware of what you are getting into. Moreso, you need to understand that even though you truly love him and he loves you, his mother sees you as a competition now. You either keep him on your side while making her see reasons with you. Or leave the scene entirely..
    Finally, he’s wrong for not trusting you, but try to make it a bit easier for him some seeds has been planted in his mind by mother even though he’s trying to pour it off.

  3. Trust does not just fall from the sky, trust is earned, trust is built. We build or destroy trust through our actions.
    When he asked to see your phone, you should have given him the phone to see, that would have built the trust he has for you. But you refusing to allow him see your phone only created more doubt.

    People don’t just stop trusting a person in one day. It is little actions like this that creates doubt in peoples mind and erode trust.
    If you want him to trust you and keep trusting you, don’t give him reasons to doubt you. Your refusal to let him see your phone is enough reason to create a doubt in his mind.
    Now put yourself in his position, I believe if you were in his position, you will also doubt him.
    I am telling you all this so you will know and not repeat it again with another person just in case you decide to leave him.
    As for your relationship with him, I want to ask you, has he ever done something like this before?, will it be too much for you to give the relationship another chance to see if you guys can work things out?. If he has not done this before, I think the only fair thing to do is to give the relationship another chance. Don’t do what you will regret tomorrow. But if that has been his attitude, then it is better you let him go.

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