Tuesday, January 21, 2020
Home Advice My Fiance Has Money Problems:Can We Still Get Married?

My Fiance Has Money Problems:Can We Still Get Married?

Please post as anonymous!

My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He proposed 3 months ago and I said yes. My only issue is that this guy is always broke. It was not always like this. When we first met,he was ok. He had a good paying job but he lost it

He then decided to go into business.Said he does not want to work for anyone. So,he started a dry cleaning outfit. I felt that would not be able to sustain him but I did not want to discourage him. I also do not want to be seen as that girl that is money conscious.

For the past two years,this business has not picked up. I don’t know what the problem is. Whether its that he is not having customers or he is not managing his finances well. He does not tell me anything about the business.

Since that time,our relationship arguments has always been about money. He is a good guy but he never has money on him. He does not spend on me. Instead,am the one spending. Even on my birthdays,he will not buy anything meaningful.

Well,I have been thinking that he should start looking for a job but he says I should give him till March next year. That if nothing changes,then he will start looking for a job. Now,just last week Friday,I got an alert of 200k withdrawal from my ATM card.

I was surprised cos I left my ATM card with him to help me withdraw some money.When I asked him why he took 200k without my approval,he said its for him to buy some mataerials and machine for his business. That he knows I will not give it to him if he asked me.

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I was very upset and yes,I would not have given him the money…maybe I would have given him like 50k or at most 100k…not 200k…that is almost all I have in that account. I am very upset about this and I want to break up with him. I don’t trust his business sense…he has no business sense and certainly no financial sense.

He is saying he will pay me back before that March. I am so upset ma. Should I break up with him now or wait to collect my money in March before breaking up? I suspect if we break up now,he will never pay me back…but how do I remain in a relationship like this for another 3 months?

I really do not want to be seen as a girlfriend that broke up with a guy because he was down financially but this guy is not doing well with his business ….he needs a job…not a business….and I have to look out for my future. Why will he take money without my consent…is this how he will be doing if we get married?

Please advise me…

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

3 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    It would interest you to know that money and sex are the 2 major causes of problems in marriage.

    It is normal to have issues while dating….that will not change when you get married.

    But if you are having money issues and you do not seem to find solution around it,I think you should take a critical review and perhaps step back.

    Have you both discussed finances before? I see he has your ATM card…did you ever tell him he had a limit on withdrawing money?

    If you trusted him with your ATM,it shows a level of trust…he may have broken that trust…he should have asked…but is he sorry…did you ask him to return it? Has he spent it?

    So many questions but I see you have almost made up your mind to leave. …maybe you can have a written agreement on how he will repay you what he took…I would not advise you to remain in the relationship just because you want to get your money back. That is like living in bondage.

    Pray about your decision. If you want to stay in the relationship,let it be because you can resolve these issues and find a way to move ahead…do not get stuck cos he took your money.

    If you must,you can get the police involved so he can wrote a statement showing when he will return the money…if not,you can take him for his word or agree in your heart that he may or may not return it.

    Cheers!

  2. PS:

    Just thinking…did you take time to study his business? Perhaps that is where his passion is…this business may not be profitable now but may become profitable in future.

    If you study the business and see a future in it…maybe you should be a little more patient and see where it goes….

    Sometimes,entrepreneurship takes a couple of years to stand..

    However,if you feel you cannot be patient…then…move on.

  3. Hi,

    I presume you don’t live together already?

    It is TOTALLY wrong of Him to withdraw such an amount without your consent first.

    If you can bear it, March is only 12 weeks away, if you can, wait to see if He will refund your money then and see if He starts looking for work actively if the business has not turned around. He can look for work and combine with the Business until it grows to a place where He leaves work if He does not want to work for anyone .

    It is your life, pray let God direct you. If you are still upset and want to leave , do.

    A man that truly wants to marry has to try to make a living that works even if it’s not His ideal at the moment.

    All the best

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