Friday, December 13, 2019
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My Fear For Online Relationships – Is He Genuine Or Like The Rest?

Dear Ma,

Merry Christmas to you and your family. I really want to thank you for what you are doing through this platform. I have been on the platform for almost a year and I have been really blessed by being here. I am 36 years old and by God’s grace,trusting God to find my life partner. I am working and independent but the hustle to settle down is not easy.

I been in a few failed relationships and I have tried not to loose hope. I also have tried some online relationships that were not to my taste. I finally realized that these online relationships do not work. Most of the guys just want to use you,that’s all.

A few months ago,I met someone on your platform,he is one of your frequent commentators. He sounds mature and spiritual. He chatted with me and we became friends. It turns out that he too is single. I live in Uyo while he is in Benin. We chatted for a while and he decided to travel and come and see me cos it looks like we were already getting attached.

So,he came to see me in Uyo about three months ago. He was really nice looking and we clicked. He spent the day with me and left the next day. After the visit,our relationship became more official. It was like we were inseparable. Every day ,every hour,we were in constant communication.

All was well until he asked me for a loan,few weeks after he came to see me. I was surprised. Fine,we like each other but for him to ask me for such a loan …took me aback. He asked me for 300k to use to buy things for his business this Christmas( he is a business man). I told him I could not come up with that kind of money. He said ok. But after that,he started avoiding me. He would call less or check up me less.

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A month later,he then said if I could borrow him 150k cos he had raised 150k and he is asking me for the balance. I told him I could not give him that kind of money. He became angry and said there was no need for us to be in a relationship if I cannot help him when he is in financial need.  That he has seen me in Uyo and he knows that I can borrow him that kind of money.

Even if I could,somehow,I feel that our relationship is too young for me to be borrowing him that kind of money. Besides,its just a relationship…not marriage. I do not believe in borrowing a boyfriend money. Frankly,a boyfriend should not be asking a girlfriend for money. It should be the other way round.

So because of this,he stopped talking to me. I feel bad. I miss him alot. He used to be the first person I talk to in the morning and the last person I hear his voice before I go to sleep. I do not know if he is testing me with this loan request. But I also do not want to be taken for granted. Our relationship is barely five months altogether. I am trying to be careful not to be made a fool of at the end of the day.

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Anytime I see him comment on the group, my heart skips. I know I love him..I want to ask him to give me another chance but I do not know if that is the right thing to do…I need your advice ma.

Thank you for your time.

Paipay

Uyo

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Paipay,

    Thank you for your email and merry Christmas to you too.

    I read your email and I was really touched. Touched because I know how you feel.

    Its hard to meet someone online and hard to develop complete trust for such a person over a short time.

    At the same time,it feels like you click with the person yet…you are scared because of past experiences right?

    Here is my take..if you truly like him…tell him that you do not have that kind of money but you can give him what you know that you can spare without feeling bad if he does not return it. Maybe like 10 or 20k

    That way…its not looking like you are selfish…

    On the other hand…if the asking for loan becomes a regular thing..then you should be concerned.

    So my dear,talk to him..use the above suggestion and lets see his reaction..his reaction will determine how genuine he is

    Not all online relationships are fraud but you have to be extremely careful..you have to give it time and do serious background check before committing to the relationship

    Even if the individual is on our platform…you still need to do your due diligence.

    I hope this helps.

    Best Regards,

  2. I believe he his playing smart. He has seen you and he knows your worth. He is playing with you heart. If he needs money let him borrow from his friends. Never borrow a man money o.Let him live a balanced life before he gets a partner.

  3. Hi male friend of Paipay,

    Lovely comments from Her on your maturity , Spirituality , patience establishing a beautiful friendship and drive to grow your Business.

    Please reconnect with Your friend, forgive her if you think she did not handle it the way you expected but try to understand where she is coming from.

    If you want your relationship to lead somewhere , please try other avenues for assistance and concentrate on building your relationship, even if you don’t have intentions of settling together you can talk this over, remain friends for a while and gradually part in a good way.

    May God increase you on all sides .

    All the best

  4. I have just one advice for you which is, block him. He is a scammer and if you don’t block him now, he will succeed in scamming you. I am speaking from experience. If you don’t block him now, you will live to regret it.

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