Sunday, August 2, 2020
Home Advice My Brother And His Wife Are Traumatizing Me: Should I Speak Up?

My Brother And His Wife Are Traumatizing Me: Should I Speak Up?

Hello ma,

I live with my elder brother and his wife. They have been married for about 7 months. I lived with my brother before he got married. My brother told me I can stay with them until I can rent my own apartment. I am a struggling young man,started working about a year ago.

My brother and his wife are nice people. Very friendly and accommodating. I try my best not to abuse the privilege they gave me to stay with them. I respect the wife too. She and I have a very cordial relationship.

Staying at home these few days with them has been hard. We gist together and all but they have been making out in front of me so much that it is affecting my psyche. I don’t know why they are being insensitive to a young guy like me who does not even have a girlfriend.

Two nights ago, we were watching a movie together. They started kissing and all. I thought that would be it but before I knew it,they started the real thing. I was shocked and left the sitting room for them.

The next day,my brother and his wife did as if nothing happened. I became very shy around them. Yesterday again,this one is even morning. I woke up around 9am. I wanted to go to the kitchen and went through the sitting room. I saw them sleeping on the floor,stark naked.

Obviously they did it there all night and slept off in the sitting room very naked. I was traumatized. They didnt see me but I went back to my room and could not come out until almost 12noon.

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When I came out,the wife was in the kitchen cooking and all I could picture was her naked body which I saw in the morning. I greeted her and quickly left the kitchen. She called me back and said why am I running away,I should come and stay with her in the kitchen. I tried to stay but my head was reeling.

I had to leave. I just had to leave the kitchen and spend the whole day avoiding my brother and his wife. My brother came to my room yesterday to find out why I am hiding in my room. I wanted to tell him why…but I did not want to be seen as disrespectful …so I just said not just feeling too fine.

That is how I have been sitting in my room all day today. Traumatized by my brother and his hot wife who have decided to pepper me with their s*x life this  period. I gisted my friend who said I should politely tell my brother that he and his wife should keep this thing inside their bedroom.

However, part of me, is hoping he is not will not see  it as telling him what to do or how to live in his own house.Please advise me.

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. This is really deep. I’m shocked that two adults could be so insensitive and careless to be making love in your presence . I would suggest that you do any of these : (1) Muster up enough courage to speak with your brother concerning it but you must be as respectful as possible. You can begin by telling him how much you appreciate his love and kindness to you all this while; but something has come up and you are deeply concerned as it is affecting your psyche hence your change in attitude. Then tell him what it is and watch his response. (2) Consider the option which is seeking out a temporary accommodation like putting up with a friend for the time being since you might not be able to secure one on your own. Above all, pray that God should give him a listening ear and an open heart to hear and understand what you intend to discuss with him. May God see you through this difficult time, amen.

  2. Hello,

    I think you should call your brother aside. Let him know you respect him and you are thankful for him allowing you stay with him in house with his wife. But let him know that him doing the deed with his wife in your presence is making it awkward for you.

    Dont say its making you loose your mind…just say its awkward. And that you feel like do not want to be seen as invading their space so you would be spending more time by yourself in your room until you can find your own apartment.

    You may have to start minding your business seriously. Stay out of their way…especially the wife.

    Start planning to move out as soon as possible.



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