Okay, so you finally convinced her to marry you. The both of you envisaged a happy married life full of bliss and fun till death did both of you part. But things are not going according to plans. All you get is quarrels, nags, fights and lonely nights on the sitting room sofa. You think she is the one at fault and need to do all the changing. Well how about you look inwards and discover the things you do to her that you really need to stop.
The honest opinions of married women as to what their husbands do to them that they hate the most and would love them to stop was sought. This is what they had to say:
- Raising the Kids Isn’t her Job Alone
Stop passing the blame to her when the kids are not doing well. Help raise the kids too. It should be team work, not her work alone. Remember they are your children too and most likely bare your name.
- Stop Criticizing Her In Public.
Shouting down your wife in public or publicly critizing her isn’t going to help make her a better person. It will only make her more bitter. Wait till you are home and correct her with love.
- Control Your Temper Man
You are no longer a kid. Yelling, screaming and worst off hitting her is completely inexcusable and totally not appropriate. Learn to respond to her calmly and with love. She will appreciate you and love you more.
- Stop Being A Closed Book.
While it is good to be firm on your decisions. Know that you can not be right all the time. Listen to her, try to see to her reasons.
- Don’t Ever Place Work Before Her.
Always find a healthy balance between her, your family and work. Never relegate her to the background. She needs your presence in the house.
- Stop Procrastination.
You say you will do it but you never do it. Do what you said you will do when you promised to do them.
- Stop Overlooking Her Worries or Problems
When she tells you about a problem. Do not immediately brush it aside like it is a waste of time. Take time to listem to her. Try and understand her view.
- You are Her Husband Not Her God
Stop Lording yourself unnecessarily over her. Stop the wicked rules and laws. She is your help-meet not your slave. Treat her with love and respect.
- Never Ever Discuss Your Issues With Her with another woman
Whether it be your sister or even your mother, do not wash your wife’s dirty linen in the presence of other women.
- She is not your s*x toy
She is not that sx object in your house. The toy you play with it only when you want to have sx. Understand her moods and sxual needs too. She deserves your utmost care and respect, especially when it comes to sxual intimacy.
- Stop the Comparisons
Please stop comparing your wife’s body, budgeting skills, or parenting skills to that of your neighbour or your mother or any other woman. I t will never make her better, it will only kill her confidence and self-esteem. Correct her with love and emphasize on her good attributes.
- Start Helping Around the House
Yes, we know you are the bread winner and you bring in most if not all the income but that doesn’t mean you can lie lazily and watch your favorite team play while she is fixing lunch, taking care of the kids, washing your clothes and cleaning the bathrooms. Help her with some of the chores.
- Stop The Lies and Cheat
She will eventually find out no matter how smart you might think you are. Be honest and loyal, never throw away everything that is truly meaningful for a fleeting moment of pleasure. You will regret it!
- Stop Being The Remote Control
Stop acting like you have to control where she goes, who she talks to, what she has to wear, how much she’s spending and more. Let your wife be her own person, give her the opportunity to express herself and she will be a better person.
- Be A Spiritual Leader Also
It is common that most men allow their wives take control when it comes to spiritual matters. You are the leader of the family, lead by example in spiritual matters too.
- Delete the word “Divorce” from your dictionary
Most men are used to threatening their wives with divorce over every single argument or misunderstanding. This won’t help your marriage so why don’t you stop it.
- Be Open about your finances
Stop lieing to her about your finances. When things are not going fine let her know and when things are doing good don’t pretend like you are the brokest man alive.
- Don’t always be caught staring at other women
Surely beautiful and seductive women are going to pass by you. Don’t stare like you’ve never seen a woman before especially if she is with you. And should she catch you in this naughty act, don’t lie about her. Just admit you looked.
- Never make her inferior
Most especially if she is a stay at home. Don’t make it seem like she contributes nothing to the family or that her work is of no importance or less strenuous than yours. Always appreciate her.
- Don’t Stop Spoiling her with your love and gifts
Remember how it was before you married her. You took her shopping, bought her gifts, had a weekend getaway, sent her romantic messages in the middle of work. Never stop that just because you are married now.