Good Morning ma,
I have only been married for seven months and I think I realize now that I have made a mistake in getting married to Chidi. I am thinking of a temporary separation in order for us to decide if this marriage will work out or not.
To be fair to my husband,he is trying but it seems our marriage is not meant to be. In Africa,men choose their mother first before their wife,maybe because they feel they have known the mother longer than the wife.
Chidi’s mother hates me and is doing everything to ensure I do not enjoy my marriage to her son. Right from when we were dating,she always made very unfriendly comments and that worried me but Chidi kept telling me not to worry as all I needed to do was get closer to the mom so she will get to like me. I did everything I could in my power. I visited her,bought her gifts,cleaned for her but she still didnt like me. Our marriage almost didnt hold,we broke up one time because of her but I guess the love was too strong,we got back again.
Since I got married,the same thing has been going on,even worse. Chidi’s mother’s problem with me is the fact that I was raised by a single mother and my grand mother too was a single mother. She said I was not raised properly and as such,not fit for her son. Her son,to the best of my knowledge has never complained about me. If anything,he loves me so much. But his mother keeps taunting me and that gets us into various arguments and I end up crying.
At first,I decided to ignore this woman. But she came to visit us and practically made life difficult for me. She refused to eat my food. She would go to the market and buy her own food stuff and cook her own food in my own house. When I complained to my husband,he begged me to just ignore her. That she is only visiting and will soon leave. But she makes food for my husband from her cooking and that really annoys me. I quarreled with my husband as to why he would eat his mother’s food and ignore mine. He will then try and be forcing himself to eat mine too. This was really frustrating.
Another thing I found very annoying was the fact that once my husband gets back from work,she engages him in conversation until past mid night. That truly pisses me off. She has taken over the time I have to bond with my husband. Its even affecting our sex life. I have been trying to conceive and not having regular sex is not helping. My husband says his mother will soon leave but she has been with us for almost two months. He says he cannot chase his mother away as it is against tradition. The sons’s mother is allowed to come and go as she likes in my tradition.
Ma,I am really tired. One might say its too early to give up but what I see from my mother in-law is that,she is not ready to give me one moment of peace. Do you know she is even praying I dont get pregnant cos she says she does not want her son to have a child from a bastard like me. I have cried and cried and now,I think I should leave this house for her. My husband keeps telling me to be patient. The last time my mother in law and myself quarreled,it almost became physical. She called me a bastard to my face. It took all the courage in me not to hit her
I think I should leave for a while,Maybe then,my husband will decide who he really wants: me or his mother. Please advice me.