Hello Lively stones,
I want to remain anonymous. I am 39 years old. I have lived quite a rough life. Things were not so easy growing up. I had to survive since I could not depend on my parents. I got exposed to hard life early but I was determined to make it irrespective of my background.
I slept with men to pay my way through school. I do not regret choosing that life cos there was no other way I could actualize my goal. There were days I went without food. No one wanted to help. They all wanted to take advantage of me. I decided to use what I had to get what I wanted. In the course of my hustle,I carried out a few abortions. unfortunately,I destroyed my womb in the process.
Initially I did not realize how bad I destroyed my life but when my boyfriends began to leave me when I told them I could not have my own children. That made me realize that maybe marriage was not for me. I have cried and regretted my life and my mistakes and accepted my fate.
However,my family and friends have no idea why I decided not to get married . Everyone had tried to hook me up with one guy or the other but I just bring up reasons for it not to work. I was hiding my secret so well so far.
Well until two years ago. I met this man who is 53 years old. He is a divorcee with three children. My people did not like the idea of me marrying such an older man but they were also happy that at least I found someone to marry me.
Well,in my mind,I felt since he already had children he wont mind if I don’t give him children. I did not tell him about my condition. I thought he would not mind when he discovers later in marriage.
Well,I think that was a big mistake on my part as after faking trying to get pregnant for almost a year after marriage,my husband became quite frustrated at my inability to get pregnant. I told him God will do it at his time. His mother was so impatient too. They were acting like this was the first grandchild from my husband. I began to feel afraid about their anxiousness.
Eventually,my husband found out about my condition. The doctor told him that I would never be able to carry a baby because my womb has been surgically altered. I pretended to be finding out for the first time. But the disappointment on my husband’s face was killing.
From that day,my husband lost interest in me. The marriage is just two years but right now,I am living like a single woman in my husband’s house. His family also lost interest in me. They called me all kinds of names: whore,barren woman,etc. Now,my husband has an excuse to be cheating with all kinds of women.
I have begged him to allow me adopt a baby,he refused. He feels so angry with me. In almost five months,he has not touched me. I feel I do not deserve any happiness in this life. I made bad choices in my younger,now these choices haunt me for the rest of my life. I wonder why I even bothered to get married.
Even my own people are disappointed in me. My aunt said I should leave the marriage and live as a single woman and adopt a child. Only my prophet is encouraging me to stay. He is believing God for a miracle for me. He says God can still give me a child if I serve him faithfully. How God will do this miracle …seems to me very impossible but I am having faith…
Today is my wedding anniversary but I have nothing but tears and regrets. Please those of you who believe with me,join me in praying to God to have mercy but if feel I should leave this marriage,please let me hear your opinion…I need to make a decision about my future…I need yoru advise and your help to make that decision.
Photo Credit:Monte oz Live