Do you know the song “Can You Stand The Rain” by New Edition? Try listening to the lyrics. Like me, you might find yourself suddenly relating to them!
An Epiphany from “Can You Stand The Rain” Lyrics
On a perfect day, I know that I can count on you/when that’s not possible, tell me can you weather a storm? – New Edition
I was at work one day listening to the Jukebox and New Edition’s “Can You Stand the Rain” came on. Now I can’t front, growing up I really didn’t like this song. Now don’t get it twisted, I didn’t think it was wack. But, I just didn’t love it as everybody else did. But this time, listening to the song, I heard things I never heard before.
Now, let me digress for a second. I’m not a big dude on lyrics. In fact, that’s a BIG joke in my house cause I’ll be singing a song and Tee will be like: “What did you just say? Those aren’t the words!” So in a nutshell, I kinda just make words up when I’m singing along with a song. Now when it comes to hip-hop, that’s a different story. I can spit a Big Daddy Kane or Rakim song with ease. But with R&B, let’s just say a lot of what I think people are saying, really isn’t what they’re saying.
What Goes on Behind Closed Doors
With that outta the way, while listening to “Can You Stand the Rain” this time I started hearing phrases like “storms will come, this we KNOW for sure” and I was like “hold tight, they’re talking about getting through the tough times in relationships!” Now, I’m sure most of ya’ll are like “duh, of course, that’s what they’re talking about.”
And I knew that… but they’re REALLY talking about the tough times. Then I started thinking, this came out when I was 14 and in the 9th grade, what did New Edition know about the “tough times” of a relationship? And then I started thinking, “What do WE know about the tough times of a relationship?”
I mean, who REALLY knows about getting through the tough times in a relationship? See, relationships are all about fun, sx, and going out to eat. And if we’re not having fun, sx and going out to eat, then we’re 9 times outta 10 about to break up.
So what happens when we stop having fun, s*x, and going out to eat? We can’t just break up…right? We gotta fight through these tough times…right? But what experience do we have in fighting through the tough times? Cause we never did it before.
If things started going downhill in our past relationships, we deaded them. But now I can’t just dead my wife right? We did just spend $20,000 for a wedding and I just spent $5,000 for a ring, so we gotta work it out…right? But we don’t know how to work it out, cause we’ve never done it before, remember? So what do we do? Some of us try to make it happen and some of us just give up.
What Goes on in a Relationship
However, trying to do something you’ve never done is like trying to play Monopoly, but you don’t know the rules. I mean, how many times are you going to go around the board not knowing to collect $200, and you’re supposed to buy houses, and 4 houses mean you can buy a hotel, etc. etc. before you just quit? Cause if you don’t know how to play a game, it’s not fun.
And if it’s not fun, what do we do again? That’s right we quit. And this is why A LOT of marriages don’t make it. Not necessarily because we don’t wanna try (well for those who do try) but because we don’t know what to do while we’re trying. How many people actually got married thinking we’re gonna have to go through some REALLY trying times? I sure didn’t.
It was to the point I was reading a GREAT book called “Two Becoming One,” and I was reading about all of the issues he encountered in his marriage. I thought “Tee and I will never go through any of this stuff,” so I threw the book into the storage. Needless to say, after 6 months of marriage I was diggin’ that book back out!
Expectations and Disappointments
To me, life is all about expectations. Why do people hate their lives? Cause they EXPECTED things would be better. Why do people hate their jobs? Cause they EXPECTED they’d have a better job. Why do people hate their marriages? Because they EXPECTED it would be just like it was in the relationship.
They also probably expected their marriage would be just like The Cosby Show or an episode of Martin where everything is fun and games. And if there is a problem it gets worked out in 20 minutes just like Martin and Gina did or the way Michael and Jay (My Wife and Kids) did. But, those people weren’t expecting those storms to last weeks, months and sometimes, even years.
Storms Will Come, Get Ready for It
I think people get it twisted about marriage like it’s this magical thing that doesn’t mirror life. I’ve actually heard people say things like “I know life isn’t fair BUT why isn’t my marriage perfect?” Really?!?!?!?!?
So, I think once people learn your marriage is just another part of life, and you’re gonna have some good seasons AND some bad seasons (I like to call them “challenging seasons”) and when more people start having each other’s back, we’ll have more marriages lasting longer. Cause it’s not like Ronnie, Johnny, Ricky, Mike, and Ralph didn’t warn us in ’89 that storms were gonna come right? Well, let’s start getting ready for ’em.
Couples who went through so much in the course of their relationship can definitely relate to the lyrics of “Can You Stand The Rain.” Challenges will come but if you choose to stand for marriage and your family, then you’ll come out stronger as a family. If you need to sign up for couple’s counseling, then do so. It’s better to make every effort than none at all.
This guide can help you deal with and move on from painful situations with your spouse.
Excerpts from :Blackmarriedwithkids
Photo Credit:The Trent