Sunday, May 31, 2020
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Madly In Love With My Ex: Why Does This Feel Dangerous?

Good Morning,

I have a confession to make and I need your help. I am in a relationship that is leading to marriage. Its been two years. To be honest, I kind of entered this relationship cos I wanted to revenge on ex. I was with my ex for a year but  he cheated on me and out of anger,I broke up with him and moved on to the next available guy.

Since then,my ex has begged me,tried everything to woo me but I stubbornly refused. However,in my heart,I knew I was still madly in love with him. My current boyfriend is the nicest. He treats me so goo but if I am honest,he is not half as interesting as my ex.

After a year of begging,my ex let me be. I also tried to focus on my new relationship. Now,I have met his family and they have met mine. We are talking introduction this December. Until last month for some odd reason,I checked my ex on social media and saw he was dating someone.

The rage and jealousy that overwhelmed me was something else. I became restless. I then chatted with him on whatsapp. That was my mistake. He was so happy we chatted. We continued chatting. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I could not stop.

To make matters worse,anytime I had a misunderstanding with my boyfriend,I would tell my ex.He would tell me things like,I would never do that to you…if you gave me a second chance I would show you how important you are to me…

I asked him about the girl he is dating,he said he would dump her for me if I said yes. So,I said yes to him. The flirting took a different turn. We began to talk dirty and sexual. I wanted to meet with him so bad. I began to plan how to meet with him. And then the devil showed up.

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I forgot that I linked my whatsapp on my ipad. The day I was chatting with my ex…my ipad was in the sitting room and my boyfriend was around. He was browsing with it and I completely forgot. So,he saw the chat notifications and saw my chat with my ex.

My boyfriend came to the room and showed me my chats on my ipad and I swear,I was dumb. I could not speak. I looked at him and all I could muter was :sorry. He dropped my ipad and left my house. Since then,he has never called me or said anything.

I also did not call him. He saw my chat. He saw everything. What will I say. Besides,I am sure I am more in love with my ex than my boyfriend. But I am scared. Scared of my ex. He cheated once before…will he cheat again?

I could never bear it if he cheated again…he swears he will never cheat on me again. I wish I could explain how I feel about my ex…he makes me really happy. In many ways that my boyfriend has never done.

I saw him yesterday. I was like a teenager with her first boyfriend. I just dont know why I am so scared…am I making a mistake? Someone said,true love can hurt you…should I run away from true love for my ex and go with my boyfriend (if he will accept me back)who I love but not as much as my ex?

I am confused …excited but this feeling is giving me danger vibes…what do I do…I guess I know what to do but am scared to do it…anyone who has been in a similar situation before?

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello,

    I think you know why it feels dangerous to say you are still in love with your ex…he cheated once on you…you do not know if that could happen again…

    As it is,its safe to say that your boyfriend already broke up your relationship …he walked out and both of you have not spoken since…and you now meet up with your ex?

    I do not know what to say….just be careful…your ex might have changed but you need time to determine that….watch him and watch him ..

    You need to think with your brain instead of your heart….take your time…

    Pray about it too…let God guide!

  2. surely you will be dump again because you failed to invite God into your marry life. what you are doing is called lust.

  3. Comment: u are mad @ ur ex 4 cheating on u, not realizing dat u to ar now cheating on someone with ur ex, which will automatically lead to ur ex cheating on d new beb u saw him with!!! u an ur ex ar now birds of the same feathers, so stop asking us shit!!! y bcoz? he cheated on u an u cheated on someone to, u all ar cheat. tnx!

  4. Hi dear,

    I will be quite direct with you, this situation seems quite messy. There are a few things in your letter that are concerning. Firstly your ex proved he was not a good potential husband by cheating. Secondly he also cheated on his current girlfriend by chatting with you and things turning sexual. Do you see a pattern here. The guy has clearly shown what he is made of but you seem to hope with you he will be different. The third issue is that you used your current boyfriend and were not entirely faithful to him. It’s interesting to note you seem to show very little remorse for the devastation, hurt and embarrassment this may have caused him and his family.

    You may be under temporary infatuation and excitement which is mainly sexual. The sexual act releases some hormones of well being that can deceive you into thinking you are in love. This is why we advise young people to keep to save it till marriage as the bible directs. Then you can have as much sex as you want within the safe structure of marriage.

    If you were my sister, I would advise you to leave this ex-guy who is exciting you but has proven a poor long term option – unreliable, dishonest, a liar, a cheat, selfish and quite callous with regards to other people’s feelings. I suspect your current boyfriend and you may not have the physical chemistry you had with your ex which is why you think he is not a preferred option.

    Your foundation is not correct. Sex is not everything my dear. When you get married you will see that sex takes up a minimal amount of your time together. I do have to say that someone who is nice to you is an excellent candidate for a long term future as a husband and father. In addition, I think you should seriously work on yourself and what relationships mean to you. Don’t you think you deserve better than Mr. Ex? I think you do.

    I hope it does not happen but after your ex has had his fun and gotten over the buzz of “winning you back” it is likely he will loose interest and move on to the next. Maybe you know how selfish he is deep down hence your apprehension.

    Hope it works out for you.

    All the best.

    Mrs Sho

  5. Hello dear, you said it all! There is a danger vibe. Why do you want to get your fingers burnt?
    Sorry, a going to be a sweet regret with this your ex. Be wise. The devil is arranging you to humiliate you.
    Pray and go back to your present guy who is ready to take you to the altar


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