Is This The Man I Loved Or The Man I Thought I Loved?


Hello Lively Stones,

Can you hide my ID please if you decide to post this. I am a divorcee with 2 children. I was in a marriage that lasted 7 years before it ended.I tried everything in my power to make the marriage work but my husband was always travelling,never having time for me and the children and he was cheating with several women.

I found out that one of those many women had a baby for him and that was the last straw. We were not even speaking for months. He abandoned us. I waited one full year with no communication before I filed for the divorce. It was hard and painful,I felt so betrayed and disgraced. I tried,I really tried.


In the midst of the hurt,I made up my mind to accept my new life without him. He even stopped sending money for the kids. Thank God I am not lazy,I have a thriving beauty saloon business so I am getting by. A few months later,I met someone. I told him I was not ready for a relationship. He said ok.

We agreed to be just friends. He was very kind to me and my children. He was more like a very close and dependable help. He was always there whenever I needed anything from fixing my electricals to helping me take my car to mechanic,etc…he was a perfect gentleman. Everyone was telling me to marry him,saying he is a keeper and all that.My children adored him.

After a year,I became comfortable with him. We started dating. I was truly happy. He made me laugh. I was really happy I left my sad marriage. I thought this was my destiny. We dated another year and got engaged. Mind you,all this time we were dating,we never were intimate. I only allowed him to kiss me when we started dating. And it was more like a french kiss…

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Then something bad happened. We traveled to see his folks after our engagement. We traveled by road and by the time we were coming back,it was so late and raining. We had to stop by in a town to find a hotel to rest. It was too late to travel in that heavy storm. We got a motel and he paid for one room. I asked why,he said he didn’t have plenty cash on him. I jokingly told him,he would have to sleep on the couch. He laughed and said,you are my wife na..

We jisted until we fell asleep. Or I fell asleep. I woke up about 2 hours later to find him trying to make love to me. I told him to stop. That we have all our lives ahead for that. He kept petting and trying to persuade me. I refused. Then he stopped,looked me in the eye and said,has he not done enough to prove he is genuine? I told him yes but I wanted it to be when we get married…

He changed and said I had no genuine love for him. He called me selfish. That I am acting like a virgin which I am not and that how is he sure of what he is even marrying. That what if we get married and we find out we are not sexually compatible?

I was upset and told him to go to hell. So,after all this time of being together,he is trying to use testing for compatibility as excuse? I told him to leave me alone or I would scream. He felt like I was disrespecting him. Long story short,he forced himself on me and even though I fought,I was not string enough for him. I was in shock. He raped me until he came right inside me..

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I could not believe this was the same guy I dated for 2 years,who did not even force a kiss on me? Now,he raped me? I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Of course,after the ordeal,he started to beg and curse himself and say he has never done that before and he did not know what came over him.

I went to the bathroom and locked myself till it was morning. I managed to get dressed and we continued our journey back home. He cried all through the drive and he was begging me. I kept mute and to myself. I could not utter a word. On getting to my place,I went straight to bath. I thank God my kids were with my sister so they did not see me the way I looked so distraught.

I called off the wedding. My whole family has been begging me. He has been begging me. But I do not know if I can still marry…not after all I went through in my first marriage. What if this is who he truly is? What if,he abuses me when we get married. He swears on his mother’s life. Whatever that means….I love him. I still love him. I want to forgive him and go back to how we were before this…but I am so scared and I do not know what to do.

I miss him every day ….what should I do?


From Anonymous,



Photo Credit:Daily Nation

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  1. Hello dear,

    What happened to you and your fiance is sad….I am sure he regrets it so much. With the picture you painted of him,it appears that he is a good man.

    Perhaps he made a mistake. Perhaps he is not the man you think he is.

    I would say,take some quality time to pray about this and if you can,talk to someone. We can refer you to our volunteer counselors for free counseling.

    He also needs to speak to someone. Maybe he truly made a mistake but one thing is clear,both of you cannot go on with the marriage just yet.

    Get help,talk to a counselor,go through a series of counseling and see if you can work things out.

    If you still have any doubts in your mind after counseling,then do not continue.

    Time and healing is required. Until then,stay strong.

    Do not be in a hurry….it will work out,just give it prayer and time.



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