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Is This Fate Or Punishment?My Married Sister Is In Love With My Fiance

Dear Jzhane,

I was raised in a very strict and religious home. My parents did everything to protect me and my siblings from evil but in my JSS 3,I got pregnant. I was just 14 years old. My parents found out and they almost killed me. I was messing around with a silly boy who claimed to be in love with me. And wanted me to prove my love for him y sleeping with him.

Abortion was out of the way for my parents. I stopped school and had my baby. I became a mother by 15. Life was hard but I made it. Eventually,my parents came to forgive me and I was able to go back to school after two years. Today,my son is 18 years old while I am 33. Dating and keeping a guy has been an issue for me. First,I am of the opinion that I will not have s*x before marriage again. Most guys want the cookie so bad. Second,once guys find out that I have a son,they kinda loose interest fast.

This has made me very unlucky with men. I feel sad that I am getting older and no one has been coming for me. I wonder most times if it was God still punishing me for getting pregnant at 14.However,towards the end of last year, I ran into my elder sister’s ex boyfriend,Ade. They dated for seven years before they broke up. Everyone thought they were getting married once my sister graduated but he got someone pregnant and they broke up.

My sister has moved on and is married with kids now,living in Lagos. When I met Ade,he was surprisingly still single. He had just returned back to town as he had been in Ilorin all these years. Now,he is back in Abeokuta. We started by just being friends and friendly but he was extremely interested and I can say for certain that we are both in love.

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He brought up the idea of marriage after a few motnhs and I told him I would think about it. I spoke to my mom about it and she immediately kicked against the idea. My dad and of course my sister too. They chided me for even thinking of dating someone who broke my sister’s heart. I was called selfish and insensitive.I was shocked and taken aback by my family’s reaction.

Only my younger brothers supported me. They agreed that Ade never married my sister. They were only dating. I do not see why my family disagrees with me being with Ade. So,I went ahead and agreed to marry Ade. My parents grudging agreed but my sister still refused.

Few days to my marriage introduction,my sister comes to me to explain why she cannot accept my marriage to Ade. She is still very much in love with him. Ade took her virginity and she will will always be in love with him. According to her,Ade knows that she still loves him and he is marrying me just to torment her.

Ade denied what my sister said and called it bullshit. He said,if my sister is still in love with him,he is not. The marriage introduction is in a few days. I love Ade. No one has ever loved me the way he does. He also accepts me even with my child. Loosing him because of my sister’s feelings for him is too much for me to bear. What if I never get a guy who will love me like him?

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I am confused. My sister feels betrayed if I go ahead with this marriage. She says me marrying Ade will bring enmity between me and her for life. But I also think she should focus on her husband and let me be happy with my future husband. Am I wrong to think so?What do you think?


Ms. A



Photo Credit:Masterlife

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Ms A,

    This is very dicey but I think your happiness should be your no 1 priority. If you happy with Ade,I do not see why you cannot marry him.

    Its not like he still likes your sister..or does he?

    Please pray about this and explain to your sister that you love her but she is being selfish by her position. Ask her to support you and that you pray that she comes to accept Ade eventually.

    On the other hand,please be careful. If you sense Ade is trying to play a fast one..please hold on with the wedding for now…

    From the outlook,everything seem fine but we never really know

    So step out in faith after praying but be vigilant.

    All the best

  2. Hmmmm, it’s pretty difficult to reach a firm opinion here. Firstly, your marriage to Ade will definitely create enemity mostly between you and your sister. Most people will be in support of her. I would suggest you live a distant family away from your sister. If possible, two to three states apart. Reason being that whenever, you see each other expression of happiness might be there.

  3. Are these advises given for real?the lady in question is her blood sister not some cousins or step sister o
    Whether ur sister is married or not,its not proper u get involved with her ex in the first place.
    Have u thoughts of ur sister having a reason to visit u in future nd maybe u stepped out nd she and ur husband quickly share a kiss or God forbid have sex(cos this is a guy who dis-virgin her, that’s nothing to be joked with)
    Are u getting along with this guy cos he’s the only one who is not running away from starting a relationship with u (cos of a child nd also he has a child too,or prob he also stay cos he has a child too), or is it bcos u tired of staying single nd waiting?let’s think deeply about this thing nd be careful so as not to cause enmity between siblings…
    Family will always be there with u no matter what even when husband/wives leave.think about it deeply my sister

  4. My dear, be ready for surprises and heartache in future. Ur sister and ur Ade will cheat with each other anytime chance permits it. Remember, emotions die hard


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