Sunday, August 16, 2020
Home Advice Is The Bride Price That Significant-My Boo Wont Return It!

Is The Bride Price That Significant-My Boo Wont Return It!

Dear ma,

I need advice on his matter. I met my friend 6 years ago when I was doing my masters abroad. He is a nice guy,very kind and very handsome too. I liked him but he was married.

However,he said he and his wife were having issues but I am not one to date a man cos he has marital problems. I told him he is not available so I moved on.

Myself…I have been in a relationship that ended last year. I was truly heartbroken as I actually thought this was my last bus stop. I connected with my friend on social media and he told me he and his wife are divorced.

So,late last year,we started dating officially. He is like the best thing that has happened to me. He proposed to me in December. My happiest day in my life. So we are already talking marriage plans..dates and all..possibly this Easter period for our traditional wedding and  White wedding (here in UK).

Now, during the course of arrangements with my boo’s aunty, she mentioned that my boo is yet to return the bride price of his ex wife and since they got married traditionally,he has to return the bride price.

When I asked my boo…he was like,he was not at the wedding cos he was abroad and his ex wife was married for him by his late mother from the village. That was one of the reasons their marriage did not work out.  He did not attend the traditional wedding so why does he need to go and see the ex family in their village to finalize by returning the bride price..he says he does not need to go and return any bride price cos he did not marry her physically…his mother did and she is not alive anymore..

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Ma,I told him that he needs to send back her bride price o but he said he does not have time for that. His family members too,most of them are abroad too,so no one wants to go to Naija and do bride price returning in the village. His mother that did the ceremony is late. Hos father died way back when he was a young boy.

So ma,since nobody is willing to go to the village to return the bride price,my boo is refusing to go too. He said he don’t minds sending money to anyone who can go on his behalf but there is no one around to do that…

Even the Aunty that told me about this,she is in US o. I just want to know,can I still go ahead and marry my boo? Knowing that he is yet to send back the bride price …can this woman come back later and claim she is married to my boo? My boo is rich..I hear the woman sef does not want the marriage to end but he does not want her and that is why they separated.

They have been separated/divorce for 2 years now. Is it safe to say he is a free manor is he bound by this woman because the bride price has not been returned? If yes,how do we return the bride price when my boo is refusing to go to the village to do so?

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Please advise me. I need to know where my stand is. My boo says it does not matter…should I be worried or should I not be?

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Please for clarification, who is returning the bride price? I know it’s the Lady’s family that return brideprice whether on request from the groom’s family or not.

    If he really wants you, he should request that the bride price be paid back to him or he reports to the welfare dept in his Local govt here in Nigeria in case of future.

    Well am talking from experience. I was sent out of my husband’s house by my husband and his family well reason being that partially I wasn’t the one they wanted 4 him. They actually requested for the bride price, we fixed dates for 4 good times, they didn’t show up. Just for him to say that he’s not coming since it’s just the bride price he’s coming to take. Well the long and short is he is married again but without any ceremony. So what I did is report the case to the welfare dept and also drop the bride price and now am processing the divorce papers.

    All these is for my sanity and for me to be free even when I remarry.

    So if you love him. Tell him to request for the bride price if they don’t respond, he should report and they file a divorce properly( if he hasn’t done that yet).

  2. Hello,

    In many cultures,the bride price is the legal condition for marriage. It is usually paid by the man to a woman’s family. I am not sure why your boyfriend has to be the one returning a bride price.

    If there is a paid bride price during his marriage to his wife….that bride price has to be returned by the wife’s family to your boyfriend family.

    Until then he is …he is still bound by the legality of the marriage.

    But from your explanation,it appears, what is required is not cash for bride price but for your guy to go back to his in-laws and formerly inform them of his decision not to marry their daughter anymore.

    I think a simple letter will do. He can write a letter to his ex wife’s family and he can have a lawyer draft the letter and the lawyer can represent him to deliver the letter. He does not have to go there physically if he does not want to go.

    In all,he has unfinished business with his ex wife. Let him do the needful otherwise…you will be getting married to an already married man…his ex can lay claims to him in future.

    Be careful..have a heart to heart talk with him..let him do the needful by employing a lawyer to help him execute the plan.

    All the best!

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