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Is Polygamy A Sin For A Christian? It Seems To Be My Only Option!

Hi,

I am in a relationship with a man (lets call him Debo)  that I have known for almost 8 years. When I first met him,he told me he was divorced. Then,I was 37 years old. He is a nice man. He takes care of me and all that. We both love each other.

About a year and half later,I found out that he was not divorced. He was still married to his wife of over 26 years. The woman though has moved to the US and does not want to divorce because of their social status. But she gave him permission to have a mistress.

When I found out,I was upset and broke off with him. I was single for over two years with no sensible relationship . Being a single woman in your 40s is not easy. I tried but Debo kept coming for me. He said we can be friends but he is just too charming to be just friends.

Debo has been my support system for years. Spends money on me….I just wish he would divorce that lady if they are not in love but I guess their social status is more important to them….I never planned to be anyone’s side chic but in this case…its not really side chic when the wife does not mind…

My problem is,even though I broke up with Debo,I keep going back to him and regretting it after. Last night,we had a talk and I cried telling him I feel bad that we cannot be legally married cos of his selfishness.

Debo now said we can get married secretly by native marriage. That we can keep it away from his wife. I am 45 years old. My only viable suitor is a man who is not living with his wife but he does not want to divorce her.

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Maybe this is my destiny. I dont want to grow old alone. I am tempted to agree to Debo’s proposal. At least I will be married by tradition. I can have children inside wedlock not as a baby mama. But that also makes me a second wife.

Is polygamy ok for a Christian? I know bible does not say its bad but most churches preach against it….what if the wife finds out,I hope she will not make trouble cos the man seems to like to do what she says. If he tells her to divorce me….am a bit scared of that.

My situation is not perfect but its my only choice. If God wanted me to marry a fresh man,he has not provided any for me do far…and my clock is ticking…Please advise me. I need encouragement. Maybe there is someone out there, that has been in my condition before,please can they share with me how they made it work?

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Photo Credit:Mirror Uk

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello,

    Its a bit difficult to advise on this. This is because,you are a grown 45 year old woman. You know what you want by now.

    The only thing is: the fact that you are choosing to marry someone who is still married to his wife of over 2 decades. It means you are marrying more out of desperation than love.

    If the man truly loves you…he should make you his only wife.

    As for a christian marrying into polygamy,it is no longer the prescribed order for marriage for a christian today.

    Polygamy was practiced in the old testament and God did not say anything about it . But if you read Ephesians 5:31:
    “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

    Same thing in Genesis 2:24

    That means a man should cleave to a wife…not wives!

    My dear….pray about this..its not easy to be single at your age but God’s grace is sufficient.

    Lively Stones will not encourage you to marry someone who is already married…we are pro-happy and healthy marriages.

    What if they work out their marital issues?…your hanging around this man is making that impossible.

    No,don’t be that kind of woman. You have come a long way…don’t settle for second wife….even at 45…you can still find someone to marry…you need to trust God’s perfect plan for your life…He never fails.

    God bless you.

  2. For 8 years, you wasted your life on this man. God in his mercy has shown you clearly that the man is not the right one for you but because of your fleshly desires, you allowed your flesh to rule you and you decided to waste your time with this guy.

    Don’t blame God because God would have spoken to you several times but because of desperation, you refused to listen. The moment you found out he was married, that was God revealing to you that he is not the one for you. But you still went ahead with him.

    Truth is, God will never force you to do His will. He has given you the freedom to decide whether to follow his leading or not.

    All this while, did you bother at any time to study the word of God on marriage, how to find and meet your appointed one?
    Did you take out time to fast and pray to God to bring your appointed one to you? Did you seek out Godly counsel before you got yourself involved in that relationship? If you didn’t do any of these, then you can’t blame God and accuse Him of not giving you a husband.
    I believe God would have sent good men your way that would have made better husbands all the while you were wasting your time with that man, but because you had your eyes on this man, you would have refused them, because they are not like this man.

    Truth is, you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions that is why you blame God for it. Blaming God for it makes it look like you are not responsible for where you are today.

    When you start taking responsibility for your actions, then you will be able to make better judgment and decisions.

    As it is now, you have already set you mind on marrying this man so I doubt you will listen to what anyone has to say. But from all you have written, it is very clear that you should not marry this man. It is clear that you will be miserable if you marry this man and the marriage certainly will not last.
    So you have to decide what you want.

  3. go ahead and marry debo plsss, but b4 u do dat try to have a friendly relationship with his wife abroad. its not written in d bible that a woman will go to hell if shez a second wife..but ur debo should be courageous enough to take dat bold step.
    note: pls be hardworking and don’t be lazy, invest in some business in order to be independent just in case debo decides otherwise afters years of marriage.

    its a win win win Mary him

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