Friday, October 18, 2019
Home Ask Jzhane Is Love Enough-We Are Madly In Love But Yet So Different

Is Love Enough-We Are Madly In Love But Yet So Different

Hello Jzhane,

There is this girl I like alot. We have been dating on and off for almost two years. I fell in love with her for her beauty and good manners. However,it appears that we both have different views to social life. We differ on social issue but agree on other issues.

Of course,we are both Christians. Although of different parishes. I grew up in a pretty enlightened family and that means,we have a very robust social life. We like to go out and party. We socialize and have a great time.

My girlfriend grew up in very strict religious environment and this forms her perception to alot of things. She actually sees me as an un-serious fellow because of my lifestyle. I have tried several times to make her enjoy the things that I do but she seems stuck in her crude unsocial ways.

Let me give you an example: I like to go out in the evenings,maybe to see a movie or just hang out and have a drink. She prefers to be indoors. I have alot of friends,especially on social media. Both male and female. She has no friend!…only her church group. I like to dress and look good. She hardly wears make up.

After dating for a year,we broke up cos we continued to argue about our different life styles. I love my women looking good and sexy and attractive,so I bought her a few nice things when I traveled. She never wore any of them for one day.

One time,I managed to drag her to buy suya and shawama,on our way home,she started complaining how the ladies at the suya spot were dressed. She said they looked like prostitutes,I told her I liked how they were dressed. Because of that,she broke up with me saying I like prostitutes for me to even like ladies dressed like that.

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I was surprised at her behavior. Before then,she would question me about any female of my Facebook page. She is only on Facebook not even Instagram. I like her,she is wife material but I feel she is too rigid and unwilling to change.

We missed each other too much and got back together after a month. She promised to adjust and change her perception. I also agreed to try to see things from her perspective. well,so far,we have been managing but she occasionally have an outburst about my lifestyle.

My family also feels she cannot fit in. My elder sister once invited her to come around,we were  having a family get together,she wanted her to try to blend in so she wanted her to come over during the setting up. My girl came and was quiet through out. That made everyone wonder why.

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I asked her why she was quiet,she said she did not know what to contribute. While my family felt she was proud. I am a bit confused. Why is she stuck in her ways? why can’t she adjust? I have adjusted too …at least,I let her be herself when she dresses the way she does even though I do not like it.

This is the reason I have yet to propose to her. I have been struggling with this situation. The biggest fear I have is when I have to be in a marriage where we do not see eye to eye. I know every marriage has their own challenges but I see how well my parents are and I want that.

My girl is cool but we argue too much. Now,she is already giving me hints that she is expecting a proposal. This is my dilemma. Am I being too unrealistic? Should I go ahead and marry her the way she is…or should I let go? What would be my reason for letting go? Despite all these though,I am madly in love with this lady. Is love enough? What should I do?

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Jayce,

    Here are my thoughts: You have sat two options:\

    1. Evaluate the relationship: Is it worth pursuing. If yes,make up your mind to ignore girls’ laid back behavior. Stop arguing with her. In fact make a vow never to argue about such things. That means,you value the relationship more than her flaws.


    2. Evaluate the relationship. If you cannot deal with all the drama,then let her go.

    God bless you.


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