If You were In My Shoes,Would You Fight To Stay In My Marriage?


Hello ma,

After several years of marriage,three children and a string of successful businesses,you would think that I am happy and fulfilled. At least,that is what you see on the outside. I know many people think I have got it all. And yes,I have got it all in terms of materially.

I cannot remember the last time I felt happiness or love or joy. I am 43 years old by the way. My husband is same age as me. Years ago,my husband,a successful banker was involved in an accident. He almost died. It took almost four years for his recovery.


That was when I went back to work. I started my business because I everything depended on me. I worked my back off. I struggled. With the help of God,I have built a business that my children can inherit. After my husband recovered,we agreed that there was no need for him to look for a job. He became the CFO for our business.

Business and family was doing good until a few years later. I first began to notice my husband’s attitude was changing. We began to quarrel more. My business became my solitude. I threw myself to work and my husband said I did not have time for him,so he began to mess around with girls.

I mean,yes,maybe I was working too hard but I had to. For us to continue to live the life we have become used to. And frankly speaking,I could not focus on fighting my husband. Our marriage needed help,he refused for us to see a counselor. He accused me of sleeping around business Clients.

Anytime I traveled for a business meeting or to close a deal he would get so jealous and enraged. I felt he was simply an egoistic man. An ungrateful man. If I ever wanted to cheat,why didn’t I cheat when he was sick for 4 years? Some people said he was being manipulated by forces..so I prayed.

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But things only got worse. We just got to hate each other more. I was filled with anger and resentment. At a point.I felt he wanted to be in total control of our business and finances. We had issues with money. He wanted more pay plus his share of the profit. I just could’t fathom how selfish and greedy he become.

Truly,they say money amplifies a man’s character. I prayed so much for my marriage. I was confused as to what was going on. My commitment to God too my time too. It was only my church activities and my business that gave me comfort. Yet,my husband just became worse.

As a result of the rift between us,I had to hire an Accountant. I could not allow my husband continue to run the finances. He was just going to ruin things for all of us. Of course,he didn’t like that. He became physical and began to beat me. That was when I knew I had had enough. I would not allow this man kill me and take all I have worked hard for.

I filled for divorce. It was painful. My children did not want it. But they also do not want me dead. A hard decision but I had no choice. Initially,when the divorce papers were served,my husband was all tough and stubborn. But I guess he had a rethink,maybe realized what he was going to loose,he turned around and began to beg.

To me,I am not convinced of anything. His behavior change is not even persuading me. He agreed to go to counselling with me. All he did was blame me for everything he did: the cheating and beating. He did not own up to his faults. That to me,is not a sign of someone ready to work things out.

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My family and friends want me to forgive him but I am having a hard time doing that. A hard time loving a man whom I stood by when he had his accident and could not move for 4 years. A man who could not provide for his family for almost 12 years. A man whom I slaved for to remove shame from our family. A man who cheated on me and had the audacity to raise his hands to beat me?

I am angry and sad and my soul has left this marriage. The divorce process is not yet over. the courts are taking their time. My husband is telling everyone who cares to hear that I am the problem as I do not want to settle and work out our marriage.

If you were the one.would you go back to such a man? Please advise me.


Mrs O. R


Port Harcourt


Photo Credit:Bravo TV


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  1. Hello madam,

    If anyone is in your shoes, no one can really tell them what to do. Your situation is deep. All you have been through cannot be understood by anyone. No one deserves this after all you been through.

    But I think you had to go through it for a reason. And the reason is for you to be strong.

    Yes,first you need to be strong and very strong for yourself and your children.

    Much as we advocate every marriage can be restored, we urge caution.

    From my standpoint, this seems like a case of ungratefulness. But I would be thrilled to hear his own side of the story…is that possible?

    If all you told us is true, my only advice is,wait and give it time.

    We have zero tolerance for domestic violence so this is really hard to advice.

    But like I said,wait..
    Pray and wait…let God guide you. Watch and pray.Cut him off for like a year,let him go to therapy and anger management classes.

    Watch his behaviour and reaction for a year while you are praying. If you see a reasonable level of commitment to change,then maybe your marriage has a chance of being saved.

    You dont have to do anything now…wait
    .let God take control…stop fighting…just wait and pray…

    God bless you.


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