Tuesday, August 11, 2020
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I Yearn For A Relationship But Men Just Want To Sleep With Me

Hello ma,

I need your advice. Two years ago,I was in a relationship with my ex. At the time,he did not have much. Like he was not financially ok but I am a simple girl,I did not mind. I thought we could work on our future together.

Even though my friends and family wondered what I saw in this guy,I stuck with him. Then,something happened. His friend who stays with him in the same compound started getting close to me. He began to tell me that there were rumors of my boyfriend cheating.

I never caught my boyfriend cheating but I noticed his behavior towards me changed. He never seemed to have time for me. The rate at which he called also reduced. One day,I went to his place to see him and he was not there.

His friend who stays with him asked me to come and wait for him in his apartment which I did. I stayed there for several hours,gisting,waiting for my boyfriend that never showed up. When I was about to go,I don’t know how it happened,this guy held me down and took advantage of me.

I could not shout cos I was the one who came to his room. There were many shops around,I did not want to embarrass myself if I screamed. Those traders around the shops will scorn me for being in a guy’s room. I was so ashamed of myself. I eventually left and broke up with my boyfriend who did not seem to have any time for me anyway.

I got admission to school and I decided to focus on my education. I am just 21. But I yearn for a relationship but I noticed all the guys coming around me are coming for sx. A lecturer has been trying to woo me but I am afraid he will ask for sx. A young man who is a virgin,is wooing me too. He says he does not want s*x until we finish school but I don’t know. I am confused.

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To make matter worse,my ex has come back to me and says he is sorry for how we broke up. He wants us to get back together and he says he wants to marry me. I agreed but few days later,he came back and asked me what happened between me and his friend. I could not lie,I told him the truth: that his friend raped me.

He got very angry and said why did I not tell him. He said he does not know who to believe between me and his friend. Because of this,he said he does not want a relationship with me but we can be just friends.

Ma,his friend called me and asked me what I told him. I just cut the call. What should I do? Should I still be friends with my ex…maybe he will come to believe me later and accept me?…or should I date the lecturer or wait for my virgin boyfriend? I yearn for a relationship. Please advise me.

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From Anonymous LS Fan


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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello dear,

    First: I want you to clam down. Yes…breathe and calm down.

    While it is good to desire to be in a loving relationship,you must first be in love with yourself before anyone can love you worthily.

    If you appear or sound desperate to be in a relationship,people will take advantage of you because they sense your desperation.

    The men you have described,none of them mean well for you except the virgin. The virgin,bot because he is a virgin but because he appears focused on his academic goals before s*x which is smart.

    But that does not mean things cant change. Be careful with him too.

    Now,your ex and his friends are the meanest of all. He knows what his friend did and he wants a piece of the action too. Do not be deceived,which man will marry a lady he knows his own friends have slept with? Especially if he lied that you threw yourself at him?

    You need to be careful how you go visiting men too. Do not visit a guy in an environment where you cannot access help if you need to. Why visit a guy and be with him all alone in his apartment for hours? You need to be smarter than that.

    As for the lecturer,you may not be the only student he is wooing. Focus on your education to avoid heartbreak. You are just 21…you have your whole life ahead of you. As you grow older,you grow more mature and you will be able to make better choices with relationships.

    You are smart,intelligent and beautiful. Yearn to be in relationship with God,yourself. Focus on your education so you can get good grades. Men value intelligent and ambitious women more than women who are all about relationship.

    When you have put value on yourself,let only men who can adore you,protect you and respect you woo you.

    I hope the above helps?

    God bless you


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