I Sacrificed 7 Years Of My Life But My Husband Is Crushing My Dreams

17

For the last seven years,all I have done is sacrifice for my family. This is because,I wanted what was best for them: my husband and my kids. When I got married nine years ago,I had already gotten my MsC. Unfortunately,I lost my good job when I got pregnant the first time. I had a very difficult pregnancy and I couldn’t do well at work. Also,after I had my baby,I couldn’t get the type of job I wanted cos it would require so much of my time. My husband encouraged me to take a job that would enable me close on time and come home early to the children. To that effect,I got a job where I was paid so much less than what I was earning. It was not easy,actually nothing to write home about. But I agreed that it was necessary so that I could take care of my baby. My husband was against the idea of a house maid. It was so tough financially that we had to deny ourselves so many things.

By the second year,we had to move into a smaller apartment because we could not afford to pay the rent of our three bedroom apartment. My husband’s job also pays very little. Within the next five years,I had my three children. I come from a family that is well to do but they were not happy that I had refused to pursue a better career to enhance after they had spent so much money to send me to very good schools and get my masters. Throughout those years,we struggled,things were bad and most times,I used to cry just watching how  I couldn’t give my kids the kind of life they deserved.

Now,my oldest is six years old and the youngest almost 3 years. I began to apply for better jobs since January this year. In February,I got invited for an interview from a multinational company. I passed through several assessment stages and eventually,I was offered a job worth millions (when you add all benefits). The offer also comes with a car and an official apartment. I was so excited and I knew this was the beginning of good things for me and my family. When I got home and told my husband about the offer,I was not prepared to hear what he had to say. My husband bluntly refused that I should accept the job offer. In fact,he was very angry about it. This is because,the job is in Abuja. Yes,that means,I would have to relocate to Abuja from Lagos. My husband said he cannot allow me to move to a different state apart from him. He also refused the idea that the children would come and stay with me cos the company already provided accommodation.

I couldn’t believe my husband. Here I was very happy that things were going to change for better for us but he just crushed my joy. His reasons for refusing is completely beyond me. He said: if I move to Abuja,I would be exposed to bad influence and maybe start cheating. He also said,If I leave him alone in Lagos,I am exposing him to the risk of other women too. Wow,I think he is just trying to blackmail me from taking the job cos he knows I will never cheat on him. What I don’t know is if I go,if he will cheat on me.

I also feel that he is jealous of the fact that I am moving forward in life,way better than him. But shouldn’t he be happy for me cos promotion in life for me is promotion for my family as well. I told him point blank that I am taking the job. I have suffered for seven years,living below standards. My children deserve a better life. I deserve a better life. I suggested to him that he should come with us and also find a job in Abuja. At least,my new salary can sustain us until he finds a job for himself.He also refused. In his response,he said,ok,do whatever you like,but don’t say I didn’t warn you in case you loose your marriage. Why cant he be happy for me,why cant he just support me for once in my life? I very disturbed by this. My parents of course supported my moving to Abuja.

The offer is effective from the 1st of June 2018. I need prayers and advice on this matter. I have sacrificed seven years for my family,my husband,why cant he do the same for me?How do I make my husband see reason with me? Or should I forget about the job? This is a one time opportunity to good to loose. I am so confused,please guide me.

Louisa,

Ikosi-ketu,

Lagos.

Photo Credits: Greatist

17 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Louisa,

    Thank you for sending us your email. Truth is,I understand what it means to sacrifice and earn so little in such an economy like the Nigerian economy.

    However,I think,you need to pray about this one. You shouldn’t ignore what concerns your husband has raised,they are valid. They may sound selfish but they are valid too.I know several homes that have been destroyed cos spouses where separated.

    That being said,take time to pray and find a much peaceful approach to bring up the topic with your husband again. I think he is more afraid of you going without him. He should consider the option of joining you.his ego shouldnt get in the way.Also consider asking an elderly person in the family to speak to him on the matter.

    Whatever you do,do not let this ruin your marriage. Jobs come and go but your marriage,your husband and children will remain.

    God bless you.

  2. Prayer is just the solution,go into prayers,commit it into Gods hand and again bring up the issue to your husband again and get him to see reasons with u,your children deserves better,you deserve better so is your husband….or you can also bring an elderly person to talk to him maybe his parents,in this Nigerian economy opportunities like this comes just once…so take your time and put things in place…you still have time to sort it out
    All the best

  3. My sister, I am a married man, i know also that distance matter alot, but what is important is that welfare of the family. my advise to you is to take up the job and take care of ur children. dont let the offer goes. He will join you later. The same thing happened to me when my wife was transferred from Warri to Ph, I have to wait in Warri and got a new opportunity in PH. I have to allow my wife to go because I know that our income as of that cannot take of our family.
    Thanks

  4. I think u should take the job offer and pray he comes around later. you deserve a good life dont let him crush your dreams.

  5. Plz take the damn offer. A man who wants to cheat will always cheat weather ur with him or not. Be wise. He will come around.

  6. Pls take d job offer. Some men can change and make life a living hell for dia wives when all become well for them. Am not saying ur husband can do that to you but be wise in all you are doing.

  7. The marriage you are trying so hard to protect is already gone, if everything you said about your husband’s reaction is true, then you are dealing with a man who has exhibited a high level of selfishness and immaturity. The reason it is called a family is not just the welfare or happiness of the man, but that of the wife and 3 kids. You are dealing with 5 people here not one person. The man should be excited that the life of his family is about to change not frustrate it. My advice? Take the job! In the interim, prayerfully use everything you know that makes him happy to convince him.

  8. Take the job. Its for his own good too. He can join you later or not. He can travel every other weekend to see you and the kids and vice versa. The talk about cheating, if he wants to cheat, even if you are in Lagos, he will still cheat

  9. Hmnn… It’s quite a dicy situation. Your husband is the head of the home and you are to submit to him. Like some have adviced, still try and find a way to talk to him. If i were in ur shoes, and have done all I can to no avail. I Will take the job, praying he will come around. Good luck!!!

  10. Temmytope,
    Please take up the job, opportunity once lost cannot be regained.
    God will not come down from heaven to help u. This is your time to rise & shine.
    Leave your husband and his ego, when he’s calm he will definitely join you.

  11. Please take up the job, opportunity once lost cannot be regained.
    God will not come down from heaven to help u. This is your time to rise & shine.
    Leave your husband and his ego, when he’s calm he will definitely join you.

  12. This prayer prayer some people here are saying tire me oo. God Almighty gave us brains so He can rest! From this post it’s very clear the man is suffering from a serious case of mediocrity and insecurity.. He is jealous if his wife period! Madam please don’t let him be an instrument in devils hands to seal doors of favour that God opened for you. Take up the job! If he is really your help meet as God intend husbands/wives to be to their spouses, he should support you.if not, he should go hug transformer.

  13. Please take up the job I beg you your children deserve the best. Take your children along. The man is very very selfish. Pray wherever you are for him.

  14. Pls my Sister take the job o,there might never be another chance considering your age,pls go and resume and take your children along with you,he will join you later,I have the same experience, unless he doesn’t want your progress.

  15. Madam, every advice here whether pray or not pray they all said you should take up the job and this man ,your husband will will join you later which i support them,poverty is not good nor friendly it can also lead you to what you are not supposed to do .

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