Friday, May 22, 2020
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I Put In So Many Years Into this Marriage:Finally Ready To Let Go

Editor;s note:

Last year,this lady sent her story. Click here to read it. Below is an update on her marital situation. If you were in her shoes, what would you do? Please advise her.

Good evening MA.

Sorry I have come again to disturb u with my story. The first of my story I didn’t bother if my identity was hidden or known but now I want my story hidden because it is become shameful. I am confused and in a serious dilemma.

I participate in the group chat but for some time now I have been in depression mood and refused most social activities. I need a candid advice after my story because my future and that of my children depends on the advice. I will narrate my story now.

Ma, you know my story very well and after your advice I gave up on my marriage but I was not able to divorce my him because of so many things of which love was one of them but now I have made up my mind for the divorce.

I have tried to make my marriage work for my children’s sake and for the love I have for my husband but there is no love coming from his end even when I have forgiven him for breaking the heartbroken news of having two grown children outside the country where he lives.

Remember also that I told you that despite all he is doing,I was faithful and refused to cheat on him. Although he has changed in money aspects by sending money more often than before but he still toys with my emotions probably because he is still living with his babies mama of which he is still denying.

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Recently his father died and was meant to be buried in two weeks time but everything is pending now because of the virus issue and the border closure, as a result, he cancelled his coming home that was meant to be this week.

My plan is that immediately after the burial I will call family meeting from both side and dissolve the marriage. I told my siblings and they bought my idea and supported me because the complain is getting out of hand, I told so many people that matters to me and they all supported me.

I even went to Catholic church few weeks ago to tell a Rev. Father because I wedded in Catholic church but stopped attending the church after my wedding. The Rev. Father could not blv I endured all that, he also supported the separation because I told him if I continue, I will commit adultery.

Meanwhile my husband is not aware of my plan of separation, I am still playing along as a good wife hoping that a miracle could happen. On Tuesday morning I had a serious panic attack that almost killed me because of the corona virus news, it was so severe that I called my elder sister who called my cousin sister to come with her children to stay with us yesterday, that was my saving grace.

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Meanwhile, I sent a text message to my husband based on my feelings and fear. (I will attach the text at the end of this story) He read it and logged off not even one word. That was when I then called my elder sister.

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Few months ago, I met a guy also separated from his wife though they didn’t wed but has three kids and they are with his ex wife. We get to know each not very well though, he is not in Lagos and he wants to marry me after I have explained all my marriage predicaments.

I have also agreed but still confused and skeptical. This my first time of accepting another man in my life after my marriage. He is assuring me with his life not to disappoint me, begging me not to change my mind in divorcing my husband so that we can be together. I am 100% convinced that he is serious and I have assured him well that I won’t disappoint him too even though I am not 109% convinced.

The problem I am having now is that one of my siblings called me this morning and was…..

 

….to be continued

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Madam,

    Indeed, no one can say they know how hard this situation has been. If you and your family have accepted that you need a separation for your peace of mind…please by all means…do it.

    All that is required is: make sure its legal before you go into another relationship.

    Lean on family and friends support and do not loose your mind over this. You have started the journey for your freedom….do the right thing.

    Stop allowing this to dampen your spirit….truth is,you can live a happy and productive life…you just have to out your trust in God and not in your husband.

    Begin to plan a life without him. Even financially….plan to be self sufficient…it may be hard but you can do it.

    You need your peace…that should be your uttermost concern now…

    May God guide you….and you will beat this.Do not give up!

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