Friday, October 18, 2019
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I Put In 15 Years For This Marriage Yet Betrayal Was All I Got

Good Evening ma’am,

My name is Rosemary (not real name). I need help and advice. I am very depressed and confused. I am in dire need of somebody to speak to. I have been married for almost 15 years and right now,for the first time in my marriage,I am thinking of getting a divorce. I have cried and cried,having no one to talk to,no one to confide in. I do not want people who know me to mock me. That is why  I was just scrolling through Facebook when I found Lively stones and I decided to call the number I saw on your platform.

Ever since I got married 15 years ago,I have been having issues in my marriage. This is because, after we got married,my husband relocated abroad. My baby was less than a year old when he left. Since that time,my husband only comes to visit us once a year for the last 15 years. Initially,things were ok but after a few years,I noticed that anytime he comes to visit,we always quarrel about one thing or the other.

Sometimes,when he leaves,we may not speak for months. My children have grown up (15 & 10 years) without really knowing their father. One time he traveled back,he did not come to see the us for almost three years. When he came,he was supposed to stay for 1 month but because of quarrel,he left just after two weeks.

I have been through a lot trying to raise my children by myself. Sometimes he will not send us any money for months. I rely on my salary which is barely enough to sustain us.

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Last year,my husband came to see us and for the first time in years,he was so nice to us. He bought stuff for the children. I could not believe the transformation. I was so happy and I thanked him for changing his ways. However,just before he left,my husband called me and told me he wanted to tell me something. I asked him what it is:

My husband told me that he has two children from another woman in the country where he is based. My whole world crumbled when he told me. I have been hearing rumors of this,that my husband was cheating but anytime I confronted him,he would deny it and say people were only jealous of us. Now he confirmed it…I cried and cried.

He apologized and told me it was a mistake. That he and the woman have split and that they are no longer together but he only provides for his children with her.My husband begged and begged me and I tried to forgive him since he said it was a mistake and because he was so nice to us,I wanted to believe that he really cared about us.

My husband left in January this year back to his base. Since then,I find myself crying most times,feeling depressed and I have no one to talk to. I do not even know whether he is still with the woman. And I am here all alone. I feel so betrayed. Like I wasted 15 years of my life with this man.

A few days ago,I was talking to him on phone and I asked him how his other kids were doing. He said fine. He then went on to explain how he has been going around shopping for the school items. That moment,a strong wave of sadness hit me. What my husband has never done for my own children,he was doing for another woman’s. My children cannot even talk to their dad because they really do not know him. Anytime they have a need,they go through me and that makes me sad.

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I told my husband that I want us to come and join him in that country. I have been telling him for years and he keeps saying that life is hard in that country. That my certificate will be wasted as they do not employ foreigners with good jobs. He said there are no jobs and he cannot sustain us on his own salary.

Ma,I feel so alone,hurt and angry and depressed. After this revelation and knowing that I am still not with my husband,I finally told him that I want a divorce. He flipped and was upset. I cannot continue living like this. Its as it I am a widow or his side chick when I am indeed his real wife. I have done 15 years. I have tried.

My children do not even know their father has other children. When I told him that I wanted to tell them,he refused and said they are still too young and its not time yet.Ma,I need advice. My heart is so heavy,I do not know what to do. Please advice me. Notify me when you post this on the platform.

Mrs Rosemary




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Dear Rosemary,

    Your story is truly touching. I completely understand your pain. No woman wants to hear that her husband cheated and has children from his affair.

    Its ok to cry and feel sad,betrayed and helpless. But after all the crying and feeling sad,its time to move on.

    I am sure you always suspected he was cheating. I mean,a man lives apart from his family for the most of 15 years…surely,you must have suspected there was another woman involved. Especially when you guys were always quarreling for most of the time.

    I think he realized himself after he split from that woman (if he indeed split..maybe there are just having issues…do not be surprised if they are still together)…

    The hard truth is,you cannot do anything about what has happened. You cannot wish it away…there are children involved…

    My advice would be that you and your children go and join your husband or he comes back to be with you…

    I doubt that he will agree to the above…

    You need to find strength and courage to pick up yourself and be strong for you and your children….you have been doing so for 15 years….your suspicions only became a reality…you do not need to allow this break your spirit….

    Snap out of the depression…this is life…it throws lemons at you.,you need to learn how to make lemonade…

    Divorce is up to you but think about the effect it will have on your children. many children never recover from the effects of their parents divorce…

    Pray about it…you endured for 15 years,nothing much has changed…if you can do 15 years,you can do this..

    One day,your husband will totally come to his senses and realize that you are his real family.

    I have met a few women in similar situation,they persevered. They fought and prayed …until the husband came back to them.

    Yours can be the same. Your husband maybe trying to make peace with you hence his behavior change at the last visit. Do not jeopardize the opportunities of winning him back by filing for divorce.

    What I am saying is: give him time,give yourself time. Do not take any decision yet…while you are taking time,make sure you are praying and planning..

    Plan the next chapter of your life. Plan it to be joyous and fulfilling…

    At the end of the day,your happiness and your children’s’ happiness is all that counts. Do not give up…this storm shall pass…

    Please keep in touch with us,we will be praying for you.


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