I Put In 15 Years For This Marriage Yet Betrayal Was All I Got- Pt 2

2

Editor’s Note:

This is a follow up from a story we ran a few weeks ago. Click here if you missed that story. Kindly read and share your advice and thoughts. This dear lady will be reading your responses.

Jzhane.

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Good evening

My husband is good and I have decided to deal with my situation joyfully so we are no longer having issues at all. I am trying my best to let go of all the hurt and anger and he is financially responsible recently.

But I still have some issues bothering me that I don’t know how to deal with them I don’t if wouldn’t mine if share them with you.

There two issues but let me start with my son.

I have made up my mind not to quarrel with my husband because few weeks back it’s like we quarrel per second billing because I was overclouded with anger. If I try to discuss something important it turns to quarrel and it was frustrating my life so I vowed I will never make trouble with him no matter how hurt I feel and I have actually maintained it almost a month now, in fact I hardly discuss anything or call him again.

All I say to him is that we need money and sends without hesitation. Even though it is not really easy for me but I am trying my best to keep to it.Now I need to discuss my son with him but I don’t if I should or I should just ignore him and keep doing it myself.

My son is a very good boy but he seems to do better when his father is around than when he is not, he does his chores very diligently when his dad is around but with me we I have to talk and talk and even flog before he does his work..

Also Read >>  Pride In Relationship?See What Refusing To Apologize Has Caused!

Now I need to talk to my husband to assist me in training this boy by calling him often to talk to him so that that fear he has for him can continue even in his absence but my fear is that I don’t know if it will turn to another fight.

Another issue I have is s*x

I made a decision never to cheat on my husband even in his wickedness towards me and I have kept it for many years now in the midst of so many temptations but recently I have been having serious urge for s*x unlike before and such ideas are crossing my mind desperately.

I have thought of masturbation, I have thought of dating someone else, I have even discussed my feelings with my husband before but we almost quarreled over it and I decided to let the sleeping dog lie.

Right now I am confused and in a dilemma, he comes home once in a year or two. He came last Dec I don’t know if he is coming this year or next because before this last Dec he came last 2016.

I just need those that have experience this kind of situation to tell me if there is or are other ways we can deal with this kind of situation.

 

Mrs R

Photo Credit:Essence

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Dear madam,

    Its nice to hear from you again. And I thank God you are taking some of the advice you received when we first posted your story.

    Indeed,the deeds have been done. Its time to move on. Your husband is living his life. Live yours. Live happy irrespective of what has happened. And do not quarrel with him. Avoid that at all cost no matter the provocation.

    As for your son, he needs a male figure in his life. You may be doing a fabulous job raising him just like most single women I know but his father is not dead so if its possible,his father needs to be calling him as often so he can have a relationship with his father.

    Your husband can call him often.The place of a father in a child’s life is very important .If your husband doesn’t call him,maybe a male pastor or uncle who can mentor him should help out. He needs that male and fatherly figure as he gets to his teenage years. A father figure he can look up to.

    Most teenagers end to rebel when there just one parent in their life. They blame the paret taking care of them for the absence of the parent that is not there. Teenage years can be tough. You need to be strong. You need to pray for your son and confess God’s word over his life as he sleeps. Pray that he will turn out right even if his father is not fully in the picture.

    Also be his friend and confidant. Talk to him about sex,testosterone,puberty,emotions,girls,etc…let him feel safe to talk to you. Be firm and loving at the same time.

    But I must say that you are doing your best…keep doing all you can . I know a single mother, who raised 2 boys by herself..they are graduates today. It was tough..she almost quit but today,she is happy and the boys are ever grateful to her.

    As for the sexual urges. There are options: Self pleasuring. You can also go and visit your husband. Spend vacations together. And when he comes around,make the most of it. You can plan a romantic time for just both of you so you can have quality time together.

    I would never ask you to cheat on him. Your marriage vows is not just to your husband,its also to God. If you can no longer hold on,then you may need to consider separation ( I hope it never gets to that point).

    Marriage is for companionship. Instead of you to sin,better you separate yourself. Your husband already met the conditions for separation by his adultery but choosing to remain with him means you want to be faithful to him and to God even after he broke the covenant.

    To make matters worse,he is not even around to mend the marriage …you are a strong woman. Ask God for help to continue to be strong.

    Its a dicey situation. I pray you find peace in any decision that you take.

    Just make sure that you do not cheat like your husband. Your children are watching you,you have to be the parent that is a good role model. If it comes to a stage where you cannot continue and your husband is not willing to cooperate by either coming home regularly or asking you to come visit him,then you know what to do.

    Cheers!

  2. This might come across as being harsh but i think it’s time you stopped allowing humans to control your emotions.

    Get up and look around, smell the flowers, breathe the air that this faithful God lovingly bestows to you each morning. Stop pitying yourself and thinking you are so disadvantaged.

    You were not born for the sole purpose of getting married. No. This is the time to look for that purpose if you haven’t found it and start working on it. Who knows, the purpose of that union may have been just for that wonderful young man you call your son. To groom him to take his place in the Hall of Fame of humanity. He just might be the next president that will make God and your country proud. If you’re having problems with raising him single-handedly there are parenting and emotional intelligence courses you can take that will make your husbands presence or absence not so consequential. Do you know that there are women whose husbands are always around but they would readily trade places with you?

    Where do you see yourself 5years from now? My dear your husband doesn’t decide your future, you do and its the decision you take today that will determine that future and its impact on your son(positive or negative). You actually have an edge over a lot of married women in the sense that you can pursue your life goals without inhibition from your husband. You can pour yourself into your passion.

    Yes, as a woman your body has cravings but if you ask yourself how you coped all these years he was away, you might find your answer. You made a vow to God and not to man when you got married. The fact that he defaulted doesn’t mean you should too. Two wrongs don’t make a right. You might just succeed in dragging your name into the mud and cause your beloved son much pain.

    There’s a family friend of mine who is almost in the same situation, the only difference is that she hasn’t heard from her husband since he travelled out and left her with three children! With a very low salary and other small businesses she engages in, she manages to feed herself and her children and still organise charitable donations for people she deems less privileged (she doesn’t see herself as one, even though she could use some).Everyone respects her, even her mother wonders at the kind of inner strength she possesses in all the struggles she’s been through.

    You are a very strong woman. You are special. You can do this with Gods help. The Holyspirit, our comforter is your surest bet. You wont get more than you can take, that’s His promise. Get closer to Him and get clarity, He’s waiting.

    Sometimes the devil plans to make you fall so that you miss your change when its just around the corner. Its true life has dealt you lemons, get up and make lemonade with it. Your life can get sweeter than it is now.
    Dont just exist, Live.

    …Sending you much love with hugs and praying you stand.
    Chi

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