Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Home Advice I Need Relationship Advise-What Should I Do With Two Boyfriends?

I Need Relationship Advise-What Should I Do With Two Boyfriends?

Dear ma,

I don’t know what to do. I’m a final year student, last June l I met a guy in school and we fell madly in love with each other, the relationship was really intense, the vibe and the energy was really there, it was so obvious that we were into each other.
However, I was a little insecure (because he’s handsome and he knows many girls, even follows them on IG) and I misunderstood him a lot, he seemed like a typical bad boy but I got to realize that he was actually very sensitive and caring.
Towards the end of last year,  September to be precise, we had a really big fight because he posted a picture of one of his female friends, the girl looked really beautiful and curvy so I was super mad.
He said it was just a picture and apologised but I decided to break up with him because I hate being insecure, he tried to change my mind but I stuck to my decision and we broke up.
After the break up, we had another fight and said really mean things to each other, so I ended up hating him. Shortly after the break up, I became close to a coursemate who’d been after me for a while.
Somewhere along the line, we fell in love with each other. At first, he was so crazy about me, he texted me frequently and wanted to see me often, however I found out that his ex girlfriend was still in his life.
Her number was still saved in his phone as “Honey” and he had tons of her pictures in his phone. I confronted him about it and he said that they were planning on getting back together before I came into the picture and stole his heart.
We moved on but we kept on having fights about his ex because they communicated frequently on WhatsApp and he liked literally all her pictures on Facebook, but he maintained that they weren’t together and that he was in love with me which I believed. However, recently he started treating me differently.
He barely calls me and frequently ignores my texts. Whenever we’re together, he treats me like a princess but once we go to our separate homes, he barely talks to me. We had a fight one day and he said the so-called ex girlfriend was not his ex, apparently they weren’t together anymore, but they were in a situationship so they weren’t completely out of each other’s lives.
I decided to leave him but he refused to let me go. I’ve tried to leave him several times but he doesn’t want to let go, even his friends keep telling me that he’s madly in love with me but he’s so hot and cold, one minute I believe he’s really in love with me, the next minute I’m wondering if he cares about me.
I also can’t help but think that his ex girlfriend still has a hold on him, nevertheless, he asked me to spend Valentine’s day with him so I assumed that I was the special one in his life, not her.
However, a few days ago, my ex boyfriend (the one I met in April) whom I’d spent the last couple of months hating, came back into my life and I realized from our heart-to-heart conversation that I was actually the cause of most of the problems we had, I misunderstood him a lot.
So I told the other guy (my course mate) about him and he was furious, he said it was obvious that I’d already made my choice, even though I hadn’t. In fact, I’d decided to stay single in order to avoid drama but he insisted that I’d already chosen the other guy and said he was going to call the same ex girlfriend who’s been causing problems between us, and reconcile with her.
The moment he said that, I made up my mind to go back to my ex too. After all, my ex never gave me mixed signals, he was never hot and cold, he always made it clear that he loved me, he never ignored me no matter how busy he was but there’s a problem which I didn’t mention earlier, he’s in a fraternity, but he’s really smart and loving.
The moment I told my course mate that I was going to return to my ex too, he said he was joking about going back to his ex, he’s been depressed since then and it’s making me feel really guilty. He’s a nice guy but he’s too hot and cold, also, I’m scared of dating my ex again because he’s in a fraternity.
Should I forget about both of them like I initially planned or return to my ex who’s crazy about me but in a fraternity? P. S I’m really good at balancing school and my love life, my GPA is quite excellent, just in case you’re planning on telling me to face my studies
Thanks for reading ma, I await your response
A️nonymous Post
Photo Credit:MensXp
Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello dear,

    Pardon me if I sound a little old school but dear, I honestly do not think you should be vested in boys and relationship at this stage of your life. You are in final year,why not concentrate on being the best student/graduate that you can be?

    I am not saying you should not have a boyfriend, you can if you want to but if this is becoming a distraction or as dramatic as yours seem to be…please drop em boys!

    These boys really do not know how to love a woman. If they do,they wouldn’t be fraternizing with other women or girls. A true man knows the value of his lady and he stays faithful and honors her.

    As for the one in fraternity…girl…you deserve better…he is not good news and you know it…so delete his number…tell them you belong to no one but Jesus girl!

    True love will come one day…when even you are mature and ready cos you actually sound a little immature. Maturity is not about age but about knowing what you want and being discipline enough to go for your dreams without allowing distractions.

    I truly wish you all the best. Stay focused girl….don’t get distracted…you are strong,you are smart and beautiful…you deserve more than these boys have to offer. Never forget that.

    God bless you.

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