Thursday, November 21, 2019
Home Advice I Messed Up My Marriage Because Of My Stupidity

I Messed Up My Marriage Because Of My Stupidity

Hello ma,

My wife of six months wants a divorce,what can I do to stop her?

I know you want to ask what happened….I screwed up…yes,I screwed up big time. Before I got married,I became friendly with a woman in my estate. We met at a fuel station,I noticed her can was bashed and asked her what happened,she said she had an accident earlier.

That was how I became friends with Mrs X. We got talking and I found out she was married to someone who is not living up to her expectations. She loved her husband but he was 2 minute noodles man. She had tried everything to help him which was not working. I think their age difference also contributes. She is 28..he is 40.

As time went on,we became intimate. I was like someone she went too when she was too frustrated and horny. She made it clear that it was just s*x…she would never love me as she was in love with her husband. Mrs X and I went on for like a year until she traveled abroad. She was out of the country for two years.

During her absence,I met my wife,dated her and got married. My wife and I never discussed past relationships. She did not want to know cos she knew me as a bad boy but I promised her I had changed and I was committed to our marriage. We got married six months ago and life has been beautiful.

Until two months ago. Mrs X came back into the country and has been sending me messages to hook up. I sent her a message that I was now married. She called several times but I did not pick up. She sent several text messages,I had to block her. I did not want to risk my wife finding out.

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The next thing was she sent me N1m. I had to call her to ask what the money was for. She said it was her parting/wedding gift to me. I told her she did not need to but she said I would always be a part of her life,she wanted to thank me for keeping her sane in her s*xless marriage. I became soft hearing her sad and lonely voice.

Mrs X begged me to hook up just one last time and she would forget me for ever. I told her I was married and she reminded me to stop acting like a saint as she too is married. I could not act like I was not thinking about her. She is beyond fantastic in bed. I also felt like giving her one last parting gift…

Regrettably,I met with her . And quite stupidly,I hooked up with her in my guest room. It was supposed to be the morning when my wife was on duty. My wife works in the medical field. She left that morning by 6am. Mrs X came around 9am. we had finished ”business” but we were just jisting in bed when the next thing I heard was the door open…and my wife was starring at me with the most horrific eyes…

I have no excuse for being such a fool. My wife had come in because she was ill. She took the day off. She did not expect anyone to be at home. I was supposed to be at work but when she saw my car and a strange car parked in front of our gate,she became worried. She entered quietly and did not see me in our room

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Her next stop was our guest room and she caught me breaking her heart. I know how bad this looks. I regret every minute of my foolishness and I have been begging my wife. She moved out a week later and has said she wants a divorce. My heart is broken. I have used everyone to beg her.

Some people are saying I should give her time but she says she can no longer trust me so its not use being married to someone you cannot trust. I know how hard it is to trust me after what I have done. I disappointed her and my family. Its been over a month,I miss my wife. I want her back. She does not even pick my calls or return my messages.

She is with her aunty who is a divorcee. That woman is not even helping matters. I need help,I need advice. My wife is stubborn,she is not listening to anyone. I do not know what else to do. Help me,I am very sorry.

Omar (Not real name)


Port Harcourt


Photo Credit:Shutterstock

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Omar,

    Your situation is a dire one…I cannot help but try and give it to you like it is: you were not thinking at all…

    6 months is too short a time to be begging for forgiveness for infidelity…Its not like there is a time frame but on what basis should she return…there has not been enough years of investment into the marriage..why should she return…what were you thinking?…is N1m bigger than your wife’s trust and happiness?

    My advise: if you are sure that you will not mess up anymore ( cos,even me…I do not know if I would trust you yet…its too soon and too delicate and too fragile….and in your own matrimonial home…)

    But if you are truly sorry…you got to get on your knees..ask God to forgive you and help you touch your wife….

    Next: suggest to your wife that both of you go to therapy together…she can pick the therapist….

    Thirdly….send her a hand written love letter every day until she returns….make it heartfelt…let her know you would never give up o trying to win her back

    Fourth…..get her a gift that would really convey how sorry you are….something quite expensive, or of great value….so she would know you put some thought and effort into it.

    Beg her family to help beg her….bribe her best friend to help you too….do whatever it takes….

    And pray again….very hard…..never stop praying.

    God bless you….I hope for all the best for you.


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