I Married The Monster In My Dreams,Is The NightMare Over Or Not?

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Hello Jzhane,

Am just going to go straight to the point. My aunty showed me a story you put up on your facebook page last week. I read the immense support that people have given to the person who wrote the post. That is why I am writing you to post mine too.

I have moved out of my home as I write this. I have not been speaking with my husband for a week now and I have been praying to God to grant me the wisdom to handle this matter and let His perfect will be done in my life. I am married with a little girl who will be one in August this year. However,my three year marriage with my husband may just have come to an end except God performs a miracle.

When I was in the university. Precisely, Uniport, I was raped when I was in 200 level. I went to a party organized by a class mate. It was an all night party. I was in the company of my girlfriends. Very late at night,when most people were drunk and messing up,a friend of mine,Dorathy asked me to join the VIP section at the party. I was foolish and young. I just enjoyed the idea of being among the happening girls at the time. We joined a group of people partying at the VIP section of the party. We had some more drinks. Before long,a guy was trying to feel me out. I refused. I dont know why I expected him to know better but he and a few other guys ended having their way with me that night. That night was a horrible night for me. More than six guys took turns with me. I never talk about that night. I almost died. I was rushed to the hospital the next day and was in admission for a month or so. I gave my life to God after I survived that incident. I moved to Rivers state university after the tragic event. I started afresh after I stayed at home for one year.

I never speak of that incident. I was ashamed. I felt a victim for so long. Eventually,I pushed all that behind me. That was 12 years ago. I did my MsC in UK. That’s where I met my husband, Pere. Pere schooled in Uniport. He graduated from the engineering department. I met him at a church service in the UK. We dated and courted for two years before our wedding. Pere is nice,loving and hardworking man. I love him. Last week,we attended a wedding ceremony of one of Pere’s cousins here in the UK. I ran into my University friend at the wedding.Yes,I ran into Dorathy. I had lost touch with her after my days in Uniport. I greeted her warmly. When she found out that me and Pere were married,she was visibly shocked. I asked if she knew Pere. She said she did but refused to tell me how she did. We exchanged numbers that day.

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The next day,Dorathy connected with me on whatsapp. She said she wanted to ask for my forgiveness. She said she had lived her life in regret since that night I was rped at the party. According to her,Pere was her boyfriend in school that time. He made her lure me to come to the party so him and his friends could rpe me and some other girls. I didnt want to believe her. I was shocked. I asked why she was lying,she said,Pere maybe your husband now but he was my boyfriend whom she dated and had several abortions for in school and after school. He dumped her and ran to UK and is claiming to be born again. She warned me to be careful. She said she was afraid for my life. Seeing me with Pere made her very scared. Dorathy said,Pere is a bad guy and must have known I was his r*pe victim before marrying me yet he kept quiet.

After speaking with Dorathy,I sat m husband down and told him everything Dorathy said. I should him the chats. He looked at me and said: I swear,I never knew you were one of he girls that night. He didnt deny that he dated Dorathy but he claimed they broke up long before he gave his life to God. I asked him why he didnt mention his ex Dorathy when we were dating,he pointed out that none of us said the names of people we were dating. Which is accurate. But looking at my husband and realizing that he was the mastermind behind my horrible near death experience when I was in 200 level,I just couldn’t believe he didnt know who I was before he married me.

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He kept denying and begging me. Our parents have been called into the matter. My mother has asked me to move out for my own safety. They are suspecting that Pere is not actually who he says he is. They suspect he might even want to kill me. Dorathy says Pere is a strong cultist but Pere says he is born again. With all these happening,I moved out of my home for the time being. I am living with my aunt. I have been praying to God to show me what to do. I suffered as a young girl. I was always sad most time. I had nightmares for years. I thought I had left my past behind but as it is,it has come to live with my future. If you know any r*pe victim,the biggest night mare they face is the thought of the person who violated them coming back to torment them. I have had nightmares for years. I dont talk about that night in my relationships cos am not sure any man wold want a girl who has been used by several men. I dont believe its a coincidence that I married my own attacker. Pere and six or more of his friends ravaged me for more than an hour 12 years ago. He says he didnt know. He says he is changed. He says he is sorry. He says he regrets all he did. I am scared. How do I continue to live with this man with the knowledge that I have now.

Please help me.

Eyo,

Manchester,UK

 

Photo Credits: Jetmag

5 COMMENTS

  1. Dear Ma,
    Thank you for trusting us to provide direction to your issue. We can only give suggestion but the Holy Spirit is the ultimate guide and counselor.

    I really sympathize with you for what you went through during your university days.

    First of all ,the bible says ,if any man be in Christ He is a new creature , OLD THINGS (being a cultist, womanizing ) are passed away and behold ALL THINGS are become new.

    This is the reason we must be careful the type information we allow into our spirit. This is the reason one must try to expose his/her past to the partner while dating but since we cant turn back the hand of time , we have to move on.

    I have a question i want to ask. Since you got married to your husband , are their trait that shows that your husband is still living a bad life?

    If there are not ,i think you should find way to forgive him .

    So many people lived a bad and weird life in the university in ignorance.

    Let God guide you to come back and continue with your marriage.

    God bless you

  2. Hello Eyo,

    Thank you for your email. I must say you are in no small situation but with God all things are possible.

    I advise that you seek counseling with your husband. Clearly,even if he meant to harm you,its now in the open,so he cannot hide anymore.

    That being said,consider that he may be telling the truth. Time will tell. If you love him,your guts will tell you if he is genuine. Go to God in prayers,let Him guide you.

    With effective prayers and therapy,you will get through this. Don’t think the worst of your husband. Remember,since you married him,he has not treated you bad…he is probably a changed man. Many young people act foolishly,your husband was foolish..please find it in your heart to forgive him so you can begin to mend.

    The man who hurt you is different from the man you are married to. He is born again and a child of God. Don’t be scared. Trust God does not make mistakes. He will guide you.

    Forget about the past,forget about what people will say,see your husband with the eyes of God. Be strong my love,that man loves you…forgive him.

    I will be praying for you.

  3. Hi Eyo,

    God is giving you beauty for ashes.

    Everything your husband did before was His old life, the past, done with youthful exuberance, he did in ignorance.

    Please forgive Him, I don’t think it is a trap or He plans to use you and baby for anything evil.

    Divinely your paths crossed again, to birth something beautiful – your children, marriage, new life, to crown you His queen.

    Please encourage Him in His life in Christ, God will take away the hurt and pain.

    You have a beautiful daughter, please raise together with her Dad, it is not so easy for single mum’s in the UK if you have a career too…. All the best

    For others reading, please don’t live recklessly, treat others the way you want to be treated, if you hurt others you, you may discover you have just hurt yourself without realising you shoot randomly, a bullet may reach your own flesh and blood. God forgives but He can let one live with the consequences.

  4. This one tie gĂȘle wear buba join.
    My take is this, for anyone that has been a victim or almost a victim of rape, one thing you do pray is never to pray to set your your eyes on the person that did it to you let alone keeping up with the person for life.
    Some might even say with time, your wounds will heal, I wish that was 100% true. You can only stand up dust yourself and try to cover the scars praying that all be well from then on. Born again or born the same, no matter which one, the husband should be prepared to sleep on the bed he made during the time of his youth and accept whatever decision the wife might take
    To the wife, all I can is take it one day at a time, if you can dust yourself and accept him, fine but if you can’t, just find a neutral ground to maintain your sane mind and leave God be the judge

  5. The evil that men do not only lives after them but with them too. Men reap what they sowed. He and 5 other guys raped a lady and as God would have it, he married that same lady that was violated by 6 guys including him. Justice served! The heart of a man is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Whow apart from God knows it? This lady should ask the Lord in prayers after praise and worship for 7 successive midnights to disect the husband for her. The Lord will show her who her husband really is, whether he is a changed man or not.

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