I have been trying to reach you for the past two months. Well am in an emotional and verbally abusive marriage which has lasted for 4 years 9 months. We and dated for a whole year before marriage.
To be honest, I saw all the red alerts but I kept telling my self he loves me and can’t hurt me. Through out the courtship he will quarrel,yell and get angry at me at the slightest provocation but I thought it was the pressure of planning the wedding.
Plus his mother disagreed to him marrying me so from the start. There were complications but I felt standing by him will solidify our marriage. Just few days after the wedding ,all his characters of abuse intensified but I kept giving excuses for him.
Also he had to collect a loan for the wedding from where he works which couldn’t cover the cost of both the traditional and white wedding. So from day one we were struggling financially. I kept faith hoping he finished servicing the loan things will normalize but still it got worse.
Immediately after the wedding also I got pregnant so all the pressure I was getting from him was affecting the pregnancy. I almost lost it getting prepared for the baby was strenuous but my mum helped providing most of d baby things.
Six months into the marriage he was cheating with a lady whom he introduced to me as a friend he first met when he came to Kogi state which is where we live. I kept quiet. He was always saying that I am to be blamed for his infidelity and I am the cause of all the issues in our marriage.
He was always calling me names, disrespecting me and my family.My younger sister came to visit when I put to bed, he asked her to leave unceremoniously. I have spoken to everyone about d marriage. I have prayed and fasted and cried. I have been sick . I have done all he wants, still he will always look for what to say I didn’t do right.
He is highly manipulative. He will tell people that I am not a good wife and that I don’t know how to take care of a man. That I am not a good mother. That I am not what he wants in a woman but 12 months before the marriage he never said all these.
He made me believe he wanted to be married to me. Now, all that changed the moment I was in his house. I do all my best to tolerate all his complaints and his anger which ranges from from pouring my cooked food away;he broke my phone, he threw away my things out if the house. He locked me out of the house I slept in the cold cos during the harmattan in Kogi, its usually horrible.
He Threatens to deal with me countless times and take my child from me.He will withdraw his responsibilities from me like taking care of me,no s*x, keeping malice for months, unending shows of no affection or love or compassion or empathy.
All this started and I didn’t know it was abuse until recently I did some research and spoke with a therapist.
I mean finally I have decided to leave because of the last straw he gave me STD and slapped me almost beating me up I just left d room where he was. So what I want to say is verbal and emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. There is no excuse for another human to treat another with spite , hatred, disgust and irritation.
Just one I made sure I didn’t take in again when I saw the way he was treating me I just knew I had made a huge mistake and it was just a matter time before things will be worse. I keep thinking where do I start from, how do I leave with my daughter without him stopping me.
He is not even willing to fight to keep the marriage. He wants it to break always calling my people to say he is returning me back to them, not once,not twice.He knows his mother doesn’t like me and my child but he is insisting and forcing me to go and live with his mum.
I went to go back to school recently for my MSC which my mum agreed to sponsor which he doesn’t like for what reasons I have no idea.
Jzhane, see the issues are just too much and he keeps complicating it. I am not free at home, not even to watch TV.He will just change the channel. I stay mostly in my bedroom secluded alone with my daughter. He even told me to cut off from my family members.
I can’t say everything event after event but this should do for now.
I am tired and i want to leave but I am afraid he will be violent and take my daughter away from me. Please advice me. What do I do?
From Anonymous Woman,