Friday, October 18, 2019
Home Advice I Married A Sweet Angel But I Now Live With The Devil

I Married A Sweet Angel But I Now Live With The Devil

When I was dating my wife,for almost three years,there was no issue we had that we could not resolve. I loved the hardworking and very supportive woman that she was. Of course,there were issues here and there,most of which were caused by me. I tried to stay faithful but girls always flocked around me because of my job.

Please do not get me wrong,I do not flirt but I get alot of male attention. I work in entertainment,it comes with the terrain. I only made her know that she has to always trust me. However,as soon as we got married,my wife began to display such anger and mistrust for me that I never saw in her during our dating days.

She started quarreling and heckling me at the slightest suspicions around me. Coming back home from work became a dread for me. she would scream and shout and say all sorts of things,calling me out when I come back late. Coming back late has always been my thing,I hang out and network with people to may patronize  my business at that time.

Life became miserable very quickly. We fight and call each other names. Saying she regrets marrying me. I have told her to divorce but she will begin to cry and call me names  for deceiving her into marrying me. Sometimes,I wonder why I never saw this aggressive part of her all through before marriage.

Sometimes,she will behave and ask for forgiveness for her behavior. That she will change but she never does. She blames me for making her have anger issues. She now developed high blood pressure and blames it on me. I have told her family to come and take their daughter….they said I am wicked…is it by force…..

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What kind of life is this?

In summary,I regret my marriage. I have tried to work things with her. Her people always support her. They say as a married man,I should change my ‘ways’…my ways?,,,meaning my career? …why you think marriage can change a man beats me. It has become emotional abuse now. She is accusing me of abusing her emotionally by making her cry and unhappy.

I am also sad and unhappy. Its been three years yet no child. Some say a child will change us but I do not believe that. It will make things worse. How do we even make a baby when all we do is fight? Now,she is the one making me loose interest in s*x with her but she goes around saying I don’t sleep with her because I have mistresses.

Mind you,she has never caught me sleeping with anyone. She embarrassed me several times by sending stinkers to my female clients. The one that broke the camel’s back was when she came to my workplace to start shouting. I was very embarrassed. Like,I knew this woman for three years …what the hell happened to her?

My mother tried to counsel her but she shouted at her for supporting her spoilt son. Later she called to cry and apologize saying she is fed up….Oya leave na…she has refused. As for me,I love my job. I always have been in entertainment since I was a teenager. I cannot become a reverend and avoid people just to please my wife.

For the first time,I very tempted to sleep with someone else cos I have been neglected by my wife and I have needs. I do not want to cheat on my wife ….should I file for a divorce?

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Caleb,

    For us to advise effectively,it would be proper for us to hear from your wife….

    Someone cannot pretend for three years and all of a sudden changes and becomes another person

    Perhaps you ignored the issues you had while dating..those were red flags but you ignored them

    She does not like your lifestyle…your career environment…and you are nor willing to make compromises….well,you both seem not ready to make this marriage work.

    For any marriage or relationship to succeed,there must be compromises….so until you are ready to at least change a few things about what your wife does not like….vice versa…this will not work

    Have a sit down with your wife…you both agree to take turns to talk while the other listens….take out a paper…write out what you want her to change about herself…let her do the same…write what she wants you to change….after that…pray with each other…no shouting

    Then on,begin to study each other’s list: see where you can make changes or compromises…work on communication with each other…be more understanding of each other…

    If you both cannot do as above…things won’t get better….

    Our prayers are with both of you….

  2. Truely both of you are passing thru the very crucial learning period of your marital life.1) Both of you need to earn the trust of each other.
    2) Keep family members away and discuss heart to heart with your wife.
    3) Get her close to your work.let her be part of it.
    4) Make necessary sacrifice to build ur home. It’s your home ,ur future and peace.

  3. I think your wife is simply crying out for your attention. If you can be sincere with yourself, you will admit that you have not been giving her attention like you used to when you guys were dating. You have gotten to that point where you are now familiar with your wife so you no longer want to put in the effort in the relationship.

    The truth is, you are married now and you are not expected to live your life the way you were living when you were single. That is marriage for you, it comes with a lot of responsibilities. You said “why they think marriage can change a man beats you”. You see, that is where you are getting it all wrong. Marriage changes people not just the man alone. In marriage you make a lot of adjustment to accommodate your spouse. You don’t think of you and your needs alone, but you think of the need of your spouse as well. There is a lot of compromises in marriage.

    I think you need counselling on what marriage is about because you sound like you really didn’t know much about marriage before you went into it. Marriage is not like relationship. It is a different ball game that comes with more commitment and a lot of responsibilities.

    From your write up, what I see in your wife is a woman who lacks the attention of her husband and is only crying out for the attention of her husband.

    My advice is that you call your wife, sit her down and have a heart to heart talk with her. Genuinely find out what her cries, worries and fears are, then try to see how you can solve it. Put her mind to rest, make her feel secure with you and give her attention.
    Your wife is not crazy for she to start acting this way over night. Something must have triggered this behavior from her. Trust me, everybody loves good things and any woman in your wife’s situation will the way she does or even more.
    If you feel you cannot resolve this issue on your own, then get both of you to go see a professional counsellor. They will help you resolve this issue.


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