Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Home Advice I Made A Mistake But Can Anyone Survive A Marriage Like This?

I Made A Mistake But Can Anyone Survive A Marriage Like This?

Good day Lively Stones,

I have struggled with this for some time. I have struggled with the decision to speak to someone about what I am facing. I feel like I have given up on my marriage yet I do not want to give up. I feel like I have given up on counselling because I have been to counselling several times yet it feels like I am back to square one.

My close friends whom I have confided in have told me to commit all to God and keep on praying and I have been doing that but it feels like God has gone to sleep on my matter. I love my husband with all my heart,he is a good man but a terrible lover. I have been married for 14 years and I have lived in a loveless and boring marriage all 24 years and some days,I feel like quiting….

I fear that I will live the rest of my life this way….I feel like my dream of finding love will always be a dream if nothing changes. I do not want to give up but what is there left to fight for. I do not know if you or anyone understands me but I have so much to unburden. My decision to pick up courage is what I have seen happening with a popular nollywood actress that is trending at the moment.

Without mentioning names,this nollywood actress has been going around saying how she was in a marriage with a man who contributed nothing to her and yet she suffered emotional abuse in silence just to keep face as a married woman. She confessed that she like many nollywood actresses marry the wrong men because they are lonely and in need of someone to love them.

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My case is in many ways,no different from this nollywood actress. I met my husband 15 years ago. I was already a successful career woman. I had my own money,car and house. But I did not have any man to love me. Men dated me just for my money and s*x. I was getting close to 35 and I panicked. So,I met this man,he was 34. He did not have anything but he looked decent.

We hung out a couple of times and I was dreaming of being his wife. He liked me for the s*x and my money. I got pregnant and I told him. He asked me what I wanted to do,I told him I would love to get married and not have a child out of wedlock. He said he is not ready to get married but I cried my eyes out until he reluctantly agreed.

Yes,I used pregnancy to hook my husband. I paid for our wedding. Our house,cars,everything. I prayed and did everything to make my husband love me. I spent money on him. I was the breadwinner of our house. I sponsored even his family. He loved our children but he did not pretend one day to be in love with me. With time,my husband had other mistresses. I tried not to bother. I got what I wanted,to be married abi?

Long story short,I have been in the loveless marriage for this long. And now,I am tired,I am very tired. I was raised not to cheat on my husband but after so many years,my strength not to cheat is weakening. I confess now that I am attracted to my business partner. He is separated and he gives me everything I lack from my husband. The love,attention,care,etc.

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I have never contemplated divorce but what am I doing now,trying to stay faithful to someone who does not give a hoot about me? I have not had sx in years. I am darn horny all the time. I beg my husband for sx but he is not interested in me.Well,dont feel sorry for me. I caused it. I have lovely children from my marriage but as they grow older,they notice something is amiss. Our marriage is like both parents are strangers to each other.

I am even surprised my husband has not divorced me yet. Maybe its because of my money he is enjoying. I am tired. I have never enjoyed a pin from this man…people see us outside and admire our union but its sickening and I cannot take it anymore. People say I should forget him and focus on raising my children…what happens when the children are all grown and left the house?

I am now 49 years old. Is this how my life should be?….if anyone gets me,please tell me what to do…I am so lonely and in need of love…..I am emotionally drained…what is left for me?

Mrs UJ




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Mrs UJ,

    I am going to surprise myself by asking you this question: so after all these years of loveless marriage,what are you going to do?

    From the look of things,you have prayed,gone for counseling,spent money but your marriage is loveless…I have no idea why you expected anything different…

    It was loveless from the beginning…marriage built on loveless foundation….you get what you planted…you cannot make a man love you

    You cannot also change the past but you can determine the future…

    Which ever way you look at it: you already know you have 2 choices: you either wait it out,i.e,continue in the your marriage the way it is,stop hoping for a change (well,except a miracle happens).

    Or…you walk out,….there is already infidelity on his part..thats grounds for divorce…

    Which ever decision you take,be strong a enough to live by the results of it.

    When life throws lemons at you,make lemonade from life…this is tough situation but you knew the consequences….what are you going to do?

    I will be praying for you.

    • Hello Mrs UJ,
      You may just stay away from him for sometime, in order to fix your self back, love yourself, take yourself out to places, be around people that values, don’t forget this adge…life is too short to be anything but happy….Above all be strong.


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