Thursday, November 14, 2019
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I Love My Wife But I Do Not Like Her Behavior: Please Advise

hi all,

My wife and I have been married for 5 years but we are having issues. The issues stem from the alot of things which I cannot even begin to describe but let me try.

My wife does not care or know about certain things that make a home or marriage successful. And for me,I don’t want us to have house helps cos my sister and I were abused by different house helps growing up.

My wife cannot maintain a clean environment for a whole day. So,I try to help with the cleaning. Strange for a guy to do right…but so I wont be quarreling,I clean. But she will in turn mess up the place soon as she steps into the house. I have spoken severally to her and she says I take things too serious.

Secondly,my wife cannot cook. I did not marry her to cook though. I knew when I was dating her that she could only make noodles. But I been trying to teach her to make basic meals just in case I am not around. But she has refused to learn,basically very laid back cos she knows I will cook.

Finally,the one that pisses me off: her attitude to raising our kids. I think she prefers her career more than raising her kids. To the extent that even when she is at home,she is on her phone instead of spending time with the kids.

I reluctantly got a lesson Teacher for our kids that were under 5 years just so they can help with home work.My wife will never do homework. Always busy. She does not attend any PTA or school related activities. The school always calls me when there is an issues instead of her being the mother.

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Sometimes,I blame myself for being liberal with her. I met her and knew her limitations but I was hoping that love and with time,she would appreciate some of the things she missed out on. Recently,I had to come back home late because I am on a special project at work. When I get home,the house is upside down,the kids have not been fed properly,its either biscuits or noodles.

To bring out stew from the fridge and warm is a herculean task for her. Our laundry is picked up and done by a vendor. There is practically nothing she needs to do but show that she loves her home the way she says she does.

I don’t know if I have been able to make myself clear but I look at her and her non nonchalant attitude and I get really frustrated. I have tried speaking to her mom and her friends. They all say I should be patient with her. I am really frustrated. Please advise me.

Gabriel,

 

Lagos

 

Photo Credit:TNW

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

4 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Gabriel,

    Your wife’s behavior can be worked on…question is,is she willing to change?

    No one can change a grown adult’s behavior if they are not willing to.

    So,don’t get worked up…you knew her before you married her…if you want her to appreciate anything you are trying to tell her,then do it from a place of love.

    Do not force her….let her watch you do these things by assisting you when you are cooking or doing anything domestic….you have to let her learn at her pace.

    She needs life skills…let her know some of these things are necessary life skills.

    Let your communication to her be from a place of love and pure intentions…do what you can…try not to get worked up.

    All will be well…just take it easy…communication in love.

    God bless.

  2. Since it is like this from the beginning I doubt she can change, you can get a CCTV and a maid that comes in the morning n leaves in the evening.

  3. I believe that you did not just notice this things about your wife. You must have known that she is like that before you married her. If you knew that you won’t be able to manage her like that, you shouldn’t have gone ahead to marry her.

    Situations like this is the reason why we advice people not to marry a person whose character they are not comfortable with, thinking they will be able to change them.

    Truth is that, that is really who she is and there is nothing you can do about it. You can’t force her to change. You will only be complicating things for yourself.

    Just let her be. See how you can manage her like that. Try and get a good house help that can help with the house chores and take care of the children.

    As for your wife, just pray for her.

  4. Comment:it quite a pity ,but every thing has solution, do not quit the marriage, employ someone she may like to handle the cleaning and cooking stuff,gradually she may learn from the lady,but keep praying for her for total change,for the kids let the maid direct them well

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