I Love My Fiance: But Should I Be Worried He May Have An Addiction?

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Good day Admin,

Please hide my ID. I am in a relationship with someone. We have been going strong for like six almost seven months. I like him a lot. He was introduced to me by a mutual friend. We attend the same worship place. He is also  very committed and religious person.I like that about him. I prayed to God to give me someone who is spiritual. Has fear of God. So I was really happy with this guy’s level of spirituality.

When we started dating,I told him I wanted to wait until marriage before having s*x. He agreed. That made me respect him more. All was cool until the second month. By this time,I can safely say,I am in love with this guy. By the second month,I was talking to him on whatsapp when suddenly he sent me a picture of his manhood. I was shocked. I thought it was a mistake. I called him immediately after waiting for him for over 15 mins to say it was a mistake. He didn’t call. So I called him. He apologized profusely and said it was a mistake. I accepted his apology.

A week later,I was chatting with him. We were talking love talk and he said,his manhood is getting hard anytime he talks to me. I was again shocked. He asked me to take a picture of my breast and private parts and send to him. At this point,I sent him an sms to stop talking to me cos it was obvious, this was not a mistake anymore. I didn’t speak to him for three days. He kept calling but I didn’t pick. He sent several messages but I didn’t respond. He then asked our mutual friend to beg me. She did. I told her I cannot be with him if he continues,he promised not to do so again.So I forgave him.

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All was well,until about two months later,he invited me to his place. I had been to his place like three times before now. He shares a three bedroom apartment with a friend. When I got there,his friend had some visitors,so we couldn’t get our privacy . He invited me to his room,I was hesitant but he was like,you mean you don’t trust me? I then obliged. In his room,I sat by the bed and we talked. He was a gentle man. He didn’t do anything wrong to upset me. But my eyes caught an x-rated magazine. Several of them really. I was shocked. I asked him what those were. He then told me that we needed to talk. He said that even though he i trying to honor God with his being celibate until marriage,that he has a huge appetite for s*x.

He said, he likes to watch porn to pleasure himself. It was then,I asked him if was seeing other girls cos I am not giving it to me. He said no but that he pleasures himself a lot with porn. He also told me he cant wait until we get married. That he would have s*x everyday with me. I appreciated his candidness but I left his house that day wondering if this guy is the right person for me. When I told our mutual friend,she said,I have nothing to worry that most guys like porn and that the fact that he is honest with me shows he likes and respects me.

I am not claiming to be a saint but should I be worried about this guy?Apart from his love for porn and things associated with that,he is a very good man. He listens to me,cares about me,he is prayerful (I wonder how someone is able to pray with the way he lives). This is going to be the sixth month of our relationship. I love this guy but I fear his addiction to porn might be a problem in future. I tried to talk to him one time,he said there is nothing wrong with what he is doing cos he is not doing it with anyone but himself. He also said if God didn’t want us to have those s*xual feelings,he wouldn’t have put them inside us.

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Now and again,he teases me when we are chatting to send him nudes of myself. He likes to s*xt chat. I find that a turn on,I must confess. But I feel bad cos its feels like I am actually having the real thing which I don’t want to do. I tell him to stop but he keeps saying he cant help himself that is the only way he can not do the real thing. I don’t want to leave him cos I love him. I am 27 years old. I would love to get married before I am 30 and he is already saying we should start wedding plans by next year.

Am confused. Is this a big deal,is this a normal thing for guys? He is my second serious boyfriend. The first was a big mistake. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake. Should I be calm or leave him? He is not disturbing me for physical sx but I feel that soon with the rate of the sxting,he might get to that. Also,his addiction to porn is really disturbing me. Sometimes I call him and ask him what he is doing,he says: you know what already.

Please, I need your advice.

Anonymous,

Mende,Maryland

Photo Credit:VeryWell Mind

6 COMMENTS

  1. Hi,

    The question is what are your values as a person? If you are already compromising on your values before marriage,maybe that person isn’t good enough for you.

    Having said that,pray for yourself and for him. Let God guide you. He may not be violating any s*xual rules but what his s*xual appetite going to be like when you eventually get married? Would you be able to fulfill it when he is already addicted to Porn?

    Every addiction has serious consequences. Ask your self,what are the consequences of his addiction? It may seem harmless now but in future,what are the possible consequences? If you are unable to accept those consequences,then begin to help me get help now to stop the addiction or maybe rethink the relationship.

    But if you are convinced you can manage his lifestyle,then get ready to adjust to it eventually when you decide to marry him.

    Whatever decision you make,please be sure it is the best one for you.

    God bless.

  2. Sweetheart if your first guy was a big mistake, this one is a BIGGEST mistake. Please if you are truly a Christian, you are about to entangle yourself with the devil’s son,that makes the devil your father in law. There are many things you don’t know abt him. Pornography/masturbation have terrible demons attached. They are worse than second wives. Prayerfully wait,do mid night prayers on this issue. I am a mother in Israel,I know what I’m saying don’t marry that man,never ever send nudes.

  3. This is a spiritual problem and it is even worse because he is not seeing it as anything. The truth is that marriage is not the cure to sexual appetite and lust.

    My dear you cannot build your marriage on this carnality honestly there are consequences the guy must fight this addiction or live to face the consequences.
    Do your best to help him if he doesn’t change then you what to do.
    Don’t start a journey you cannot end.

    Pray for God to help you.

    Good luck

    Victor

  4. That guy is confused, sorry to say that. I needed to be blunt for you to get it straight. Let me start with him praying and watching porn. Who is he praying to, God or to himself? Even someone who doesn’t watch it regularly mistakely does, knows the pain of knowing you’re griefing the Holy Spirit, talk less of someone who has taken it as a lifestyle.

    You said his so good. Madam, being good is not enough, is being faithful. If truly he is a real Child of God, the power to wait is in him 2Tim 1:7. Read this scripture yourself. So the excuses he is given are not genuine. If sex is what he is looking forward to, means you’re in a big shit if you eventually marry him. Marriage is more than sex.

    Do this, tell him to go tell his pastor that he is watching porn since he can’t have sex before marriage. He won’t go. The peace of God passes understand. There’s nothing you need to know about this guy God has not shown. Those red flags are not just showing themselves. I hope you do what I should have done, run. If you ‘re considering your age, aunty, trust God, He will do it for you. God bless you with wisdom!

  5. This is really too major a problem for you to ignore and the fact that you are beginning to have doubts about it shows how concerned you are. Pray and also seek guidance from your pastor. no christian shld have any business with porn. if not dealt with now it will come to bite you when you eventually get married. remember a broken engagement is better than a broken home,

  6. Am scared too.. A born again Christian doesn’t need porn to fight sexual urge.. He needs self control.. U might be a prayer warrior but without self control u will end up like Samson.. Porn has its own side effect.. Its killing him spiritually and physically.. How dose he pray after masturbating.. Tell him to stop or u leave him.. Love comes with so much pain, but we can’t give cos we haven’t given up on life who is filled with pain also.. In all dear.. Pray t God and ask if this is his will.. We all have weaknesses but defending it using the Bible is unacceptable

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