I Feel So Horrible That I Am In Love With My Soul Mate

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Bankole and I were first best friends from school. It was such an amazing relationship. It was the happiest I was ever. We kissed when he came to see me in my hostel one day and that was how we began to date. Bankole,a basket ball player and myself, a football player had our lives set before us.

We got signed on professional clubs after school and we got too busy,we couldn’t keep up with our busy schedules. Our career was going very well. Eventually,we broke up. Not formally but the constant distance made it difficult and we drifted apart. I don’t think we actually believed we we over but it was normal for athletes to have people around and date either casually or otherwise.

We kept in touch once in a while so I knew Bankole was in a relationship with an actress. I felt jealous every time I saw pictures of them on social media but I tried to put it behind me. When Banokole told me they were engaged,I pretended to be happy for him but I was so down with hurt and regret. Bankole is the love of my life. I just couldn’t see my life without him in the picture but I did try to sound like I was happy for him.

Bankole visited my city months ago and he called me so we hung out. It was nice catching up with him. We hit the club later. Got drunk and eventually,we got to my place and slept together. It became obvious that we still were in love. He confessed that he was in love with me and I told him I was in love too.

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He left that next day and actually sent me an sms that he was sorry that perhaps it was the alcohol that got to us. I knew he was feeling sorry he cheated on his fiancee so I let it go and cried myself to believing I could move on.

But God had another plan for me. Exactly six week after,I found out I was pregnant. I was definitely not on protection as I was not dating anyone. I called Bankole to inform him and before I could speak,he was like,hey…I have been thinking of calling you,my traditional wedding is this weekend. I froze and cut the line. I cried and cried and I decided not to tell him.

As a footballer,I couldn’t keep playing with my pregnancy. I went on break when the pregnancy became four months. That didn’t go too quiet. Word got out that I was pregnant and Bankole found out. He reached out to me and I told him the truth. At this time,Bankole was already almost 3 months married. He flew in to see me immediately. He cried and I cried and there and then,he told me he knew he was making a mistake for getting married to his wife.

He told me he was going to get a divorce. I told him not to but he was serious. As I write,Bankole has filed for divorce from his wife of barely 3 months old. The wife found out about me and she has been raining curses on me. I feel terrible. I feel bad. And very confused. I would never be the cause of unhappiness for another human being. I have talked to Bankole but he wouldn’t listen. He says he always dreamed of having a family with me.

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As I read stories on your blog,I felt encouraged to talk to you….I feel so bad and I told Bankole I would not marry him if he went ahead with the divorce but he says there is nothing I or anyone can do about it….but I still feel horrible…

What should I do…how do I stop Bankole from divorcing his wife…he has been coming to see me every weekend,to check on me and the baby on the way….I love Bankole…I feel ashamed to say this but I wish I was not in this situation right now….do I run away from him? What about my career? What about my baby..Bankole will find me anywhere in the world as long as I am having his baby..

Do I make peace with this or what else can I do ma?

 

From Samantha,

Kaduna

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Samantha,

    It is complicated and I empathise with you but I think you had your chance before the wedding to tell Him about the pregnancy.

    Now that He is married, He should focus on His marriage and wife, it does not stop Him from being a father to your child with his wife’s knowledge without compromising His marital vows.

    He is probably not justified under God to divorce her as she may not have cheated on Him during their short marriage in which case He will be displeasing God under the circumstances if He does decide to divorce His wife.

    I am concerned that His wife who is naturally hurt and may look for ways either now or in the future to get even.

    Please get your roots deep in Christ for your protection and that of your baby and focus on having a safe delivery.

    Please do not marry Him under this circumstances or encourage s.xual relations. We do to others as we want them to do to us.

    All the best

  2. Hello Samantha,

    Thank you for your mail and for your honesty.

    Truth is,this is a very complicated matter.

    I would ask you to do whatever it takes to stay away from Bankole….If he insists on getting a divorce,I know there is nothing you can do but don’t be an enabler.

    Both of you made a terrible mistake and you need to ask God for forgiveness

    For now…I would have to advice you to stay away from him….let your only interaction with him be about the child…nothing more

    Whatever Bankole decides to do is his business…I cannot ask him to remain in a loveless marriage neither can I ask him to continue with the divorce…let him and God sort this out..have nothing to do with it

    What you can actually do…is pray for God’s will to be done

    God bless

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