I Do Not See Any Future In My Relationship: Please Help!

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Good day ma’am,

I am 27 years old . I am currently serving in one of the eastern states of Nigeria. I met a fine young man here and I fell in love with him. I have never been so in love with a person like this. He treats me very well,makes me laugh,good chemistry and he wants to marry me.

The only problem is,he does not have a job yet. He is 29,a graduate but no job. So,he drives a keke (tricycle) to sustain himself but he does not make so much money. He says his dream is to make music but its very hard to make it in the entertainment industry. The small money he makes,he puts into studio sessions to make music.

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I really want to be with him but I feel like his choice of career will not be ok for us to get married and live by. And,I am being honest,its not like his voice is that good but he will say that big musicians like Davido and Wizkid do not have good voices. As I am,apart from my allowee,nothing is coming for me and I would like to get married before I am 30 years old. I do not know if by that time he will be ready to settle down if he has not yet made it musically.

Another thing is,I try to tell him that we should not be having s*x all the time because I got pregnant and had to abort it. He will refuse to use condom and says he cannot hold himself. I cannot continue to live like this. If I get pregnant again,I am afraid of having another abortion.I want a home with this man but he is still struggling financially….

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I told him to try and get another job ..at least,to do something that can bring him money before his music pays off but he refused…saying he wants to stay focused on making music …meanwhile,this music is not getting anywhere for now…he keeps saying I should have faith and believe,that something big will soon come out of his music…that is how @face and co made it after several years ago.

I am extremely confused….should I leave him alone (which will be very difficult because we both love each other so much)…or should I be patient and wait for his music career to take off? How Do I avoid being pregnant if I wait cos he will not use Condom? What if he is not even ready by 3 years time,by the time I will be 30…I really do not want to wait until after 30 to get married..

Please help me….

From Bernice

Eastern Nigeria

Photo Credit:Irnacho

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3 COMMENTS

  1. Hey,

    You are 27? First,you need to ask your self serious questions: what do you really want in life….you maybe 27 but you have not achieved much for yourself…how do you expect the guy who’s music career is yet to take off to marry you in three years (except something like a miracle happens)when you have no plans for yourself.

    My advice…make plans for yourself first. Plan how to get a job or start a business. Be your own person first…before you think of marriage.

    As for the guy,he should get a job to do while planning to ‘HIT BIG’ in music.

    If you do not want to get pregnant too…stop having sex…

    I think you are wise and smart …I know you know what to do…do the right thing….

    Wish you all the best.

  2. Hi Bernice ,

    At 27 you should be doing the things that please God trusting Him for His will, preparing and praying for the future.

    Any man that has not married you yet asking for s.x from you, especially unprotected, is not doing you any good. If you keep having abortions and destroy your chances of having a baby in future, you will have traded your happiness tomorrow for temporal satisfaction.

    Please think of the future, you want a family, a home and resources to sustain your blessings. If your fiance keeps putting off getting a job hoping for sudden success in music it is quite worrying.

    My advice – STOP having s.x, protected or unprotected, rededicate your life to God, commit your future to Him, if your fiance persist on it break off , dig deeper in God, allow Him bring you someone who is prepared to face the challenges of life and apply themselves today to ensure the family is well provided for.

    Work on yourself and means to support a family, choose to love the one who does the right thing working now with a plan for tomorrow for provision and marries you off honorably rather than destroying your womb.

    The dangers of marrying a man who cannot provide include you the wife providing for the family (70% or so), doing the house work, catering for kids with Him still expecting you to perform fully in bed, it can stress a woman out, if you are man and woman at the same time, some men then feel you don’t respect them as much, start sulking and look for s.x outside to boost their ego , these can make all those butterflies you feel now disappear.

    Prepare for the future you want NOW. Choose who you love and don’t look back or start comparing.

    ‘Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not, nor the years draw nigh, when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them’

    All the best

  3. If he truly loves you, he will not be having unprotected sex with you, knowing the consequence and asking you to abort, knowing the damage that can cause you. You are probably the one love that is in love here. That guys does not love you.

    As for his refusing to get a proper job while waiting for the big hit, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. You either stay with him like that, knowing you will bear all the financial responsibilities in that union or you leave him. The choice is yours to make.
    But I will say discover yourself first. Know what you want out of life and what you want to do with yourself. Then you will be able to determine if you still need this guy in your life or not.

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