Friday, October 18, 2019
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I Can’t Stop Flirting: Is This Love Or Lust Or Both That I Want?

Dear Lively Stones,

I need advice.I am a young man of 29 years old. I am in a relationship with a lady for about 8 months now. I like her and I actually feel that we could be getting married in the new future. She is calm and very nice.

But I have a problem. My immediate supervisor in the office is a very attractive young woman of the same age as me. I work in IT. She is smart and veryyyyyyyyyy attractive. We get along very well. She is like tomboy and her laughter gets me so much. She was formerly in another unit but was transferred to mine recently.

I must confess,I am seriously attracted to this lady at work. I think she knows too that I am drawn to her. The truth is,I have noticed that we both flirt around each other all the time. She says she is in relationship but I found out that she lied. She and the guy actually broke up before she was transferred to our unit.

When I found out she lied,I confronted her and she admitted to lying because she wanted to keep guys away from her. She was really heart broken from her ex. She says she is not ready for a relationship but every time we are around each other,the temptation is so great.

I literally feel my heart beat faster around her. She looks at me locked eyed several times in a day. One day,I had to take a walk from the office. I just couldn’t stand her breathing close to me. I like her alot. I chat with her regularly. The guys in my office are already teasing me to go for her but two things:

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I still have a girlfriend;is my attraction for this lady good enough reason for me to dump my girl? My girl has nothing wrong to me. But the chemistry between me and this lady is not the same as my girl..

Secondly,this lady says she is not ready for a relationship. But she flirts with me. What is she trying to say,maybe she wants to just have a fling with me? I really am not that type of person…I would love to date her not sleep with her alone.

I am confused. Is this love or lust? I would like to explore that…but does that mean that I am cheating on my girl…should I break up or just test the waters first…please help me decide what is best. All I can think of is kissing my supervisor…

If you were in my shoes,what will you do?

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Photo Credit:Cosmopolitan

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Gandy,

    Seems to me that you are looking for permission to do what you already know is wrong?

    You see ,in life,you will always find someone more attractive ,more intelligent or even more beautiful than the one you love…

    The truth is: love is a choice!….you decide to love someone despite the fact that they maybe other people better than them

    Your coworker is not ready for a relationship. She is looking for a rebound…are you willing to throw away your relationship for a rebound?

    She just left her ex who broke her heart and she is already flirting with you….be careful so you do not get hurt…remember she is your supervisor,….things can get awkward at work for you.

    What you should do is get a picture of your girl and place on our table and your phone screen saver…then tell yourself that you are better than this…that you are not easily moved by beauty and all that she is are a faithful boyfriend who will one day be a faithful husband…

    Fight the feeling…stay away from her…if possible ask to be transferred….do not get swayed….be an honorable man

    God bless you

  2. My dear, i salute your courage for speaking up. And it because God want to deliver you from her. My advice to you is to run and never look back.
    You have someone that loves and have not offended you. Whatever, you do to her will come around you. It’s a temptation, but you just have to shut your mind against it.


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