Saturday, May 30, 2020
Home Advice I Betrayed My Fiance -Most Of It Was My Fault:Please Advise Me!

I Betrayed My Fiance -Most Of It Was My Fault:Please Advise Me!

Dear Ma,

I need your help. I am engaged to be married this December. I love my fiance. We have always told each other to tell the truth about anything in our lives but I have a secret that I am struggling to tell him.

Things got out of hand when I went for my girlfriend’s birthday party 3 weeks ago in Port Harcourt. Several of our classmates from UNIPORT were in attendance. It was fun,we partied long and hard. Alcohol was everywhere.

I am not a heavy drinker but Jide,who was my boyfriend in the University was tipsy by the time we were leaving the party. We got back to our hotel rooms around 3am. Those of us from outside PH,my friend lodged us in a hotel.

Jide called me around 4am to ask me if I had paracemol. He was feeling headache from too much drinking. I found some paractamol in my bag and took it to Jide. On getting to his room, he invited me to come in. I could and should have said no but I went into his room.

I watched him take the paracemol . I got up to leave but Jide asked me to stay. For what I asked. He said: I miss you. Lets just chat a little. I knew it was dangerous but I knew I would never do anything with him. But I stayed just for a little while.

Jide started making moves to me. I then knew it was time to leave. I tried to push past him but he pinned me down and raped me. I tried to fight him off. I did,I used all my strength but Jide was tougher than me.

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I left him after he finished, cursing him and all, Jide had to nerve to say I should quit acting like I did not enjoy it. I did not,he forced himself on me. I am getting married and I just got raped my ex boyfriend. How do I explain that to anyone not to talk of my husband to be.

I know I put myself in that position, I feel so terrible. That secret has been killing me since I got back to Lagos. I know it will be a bad idea to tell my fiance but this is killing me. No one knows this. Should I keep it that way?

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Shola (Not real name)



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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Shola,

    You definitely put yourself in a compromising situation. To be frank,I do not think you should tell your fiance.

    If this happened while you are married,then you can tell him. But for now,since you are not married,no need to tell him cos if you do,the wedding will never happen.

    Men would hardly forgive a lady who betrays them with an ex. That line should never be crossed.

    In any case,if it makes you feel more at peace, you can tell him but that may mean that your marriage with him will be never happen.

    My hope is that he will forgive you eventually…maybe you should go to therapy together. It might be a long process to regaining trust but if both of you can be determined,you can still be together after all.

    Pray about this. Let God guide you.



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