Sunday, May 31, 2020
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I Am, Married But How Do I Overcome The Feeling That S*x Is Dirty?

Dear Jzhane,

I need your help. A few weeks ago,I stumbled on your platform and I must tell you that I have been really blessed by this platform. The articles and personal stories from the members of this platform has helped me a great deal. I feel like finally,I am where people can understand me and my feelings.

My name is Ann (Not real name). I am 29 years old. I got married last year. I was raised as a good Christian girl and to the glory of God,I kept myself until marriage. My husband is my first and so everything I learnt about s*x,I learnt from him. To be honest,I have never seen a male organ before my husband’s own.

My wedding night was a nightmare. I was so scared. A 28 year old virgin. Even though my husband tried to help me,I cried all night. It was horrible. Because of this,I started to read and make my own research about s*x. But one year later,I think I am still a prude and even though I trust my husband,he is beginning to feel frustrated with me.

Because of my upbringing,I am even afraid to discuss this with anyone in my environment. I feel sx is my duty as a wife. I do not know how other women enjoy it. It is scary for me. I close my eyes and clench all through. And the worst of all is,I feel dirty after sx with my husband. I know that should not be the case but that is exactly how I feel.

I tried to apply some of the suggestions I got from my research . I read articles and watch romantic movies. But it still does not feel good with my husband. I got pregnant seven months ago and now,I do not even want to be touched by my husband. Even though,at the ante natal,we are taught that pregnancy s*x is safe but I do not enjoy it at all.

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What do I do ma? I want to enjoy sx. The other day,I caught my husband masturbating. He said he does it to release himself so that he will not go out and sin against God. I was so sad to hear that yet I still do not fancy the idea of sx.

All my life,I was taught that sx was a sin. Do not touch the opposite sx and all. I remained chaste. Now,I feel like I will never be able to enjoy sx the way other people do. Please help me. I want to enjoy sx and I want my husband to enjoy me and our marriage.


Anonymous LS Facebook Member

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello dear,

    Thank you for trusting us to help you. This is not easy for some people to talk about especially folks from religious backgrounds.

    Well,the good thing is that you have realized that there is a problem and you want to fix it.

    Have you tried talking to your husband about your fears and insecurities?

    Do not stop reading and making research….that will eventually pay off.

    My dear,s*x in marriage is not dirty. It is not a sin and it does not make you unholy. God created s*x for marriage and it is your right as a married person to enjoy it.

    Teach yourself to enjoy it. Discover yourself. Read about how women in your similar situation solved this.

    Read songs of Solomon in the has alot of romantic scriptures. Relax your mind. Think of lovely things during s*x. Talk to older married women about it.

    Pray about it as well. And remember how much you love your husband. This will propel you to make love to him. Listen to love songs (those too are not dirty to the married).

    Playing music in the background during s*x helps calm the nerves. Use your imagination,do not limit yourself. Talk to your husband…let him explore you…you also explore him. Touch him and let him touch you without feeling dirty.

    Do not worry too much…just make sure you keep trying and keep communicating with your husband…remember,love give…give him all your love!

    God bless you.


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