Husband Responds: All I Wanted Was For My Husband To Tell Me …

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Editor’s Note:

This story is the husband’s response to his wife’s admission of infidelity. If you missed the story please click here. We encourage everyone to be kind in their comments as this couple are in counseling and are going through a very tough time in their marriage. Please keep them in your prayers. 

God bless

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Jzhane

Good afternoon ma,

Thank you for helping me and my wife in this very trying times. Yesterday,my wife revealed her indiscretions which has resulted in a pregnancy with another man. To be honest,I knew she was seeing someone but I never knew she would ever get to this level.

My first reaction when she told me was shock and betrayal. I got up,told her our marriage is over,she can go meet her lover with her bastard child. I drove out of my house and kept driving ….that was when the tears began to flow. I parked in a quiet street and began to sob heavily.

I know this whole shit is my fault. Yes,I know. I admit it. I failed and betrayed my wife. I also cheated. I knew she suspected but she never confronted me. I got used to the cheating thinking I could get away with it but when I saw how I was loosing the love of my life to another man,I got a wake up call but I was too late.

After we had our son,my wife began to change. Her looks changed and she even did not have time for me. Everything was about our son. She did not look as sexy as before. At that time,I was constantly being tempted by very pretty ladies everywhere I turned. The temptation was so real.

It started as just flirting,catching my fun. I just wanted to feel young and wanted. my wife did not make me feel that way anymore. Especially when she became so anxious for a second child. She began to take fertility medication that made her look fat. I hated her for that.

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I really do not know what happened to me but I lost interest in my marriage. I hoped my rejection of my wife would make her change and go back to the way we were when we first got married but even when she changed,I did not notice. I was far gone in my philandering ways. I enjoyed sex with different ladies and it seemed like fun to me.

Maybe I became a little addicted to sex too. The idea of having sex with ladies with no strings was fun to me and I did not feel guilty cos I told myself that my wife was no longer sexy so I felt justified by my behaviour.

When I noticed my wife was having an affair,I became jealous. I confirmed it by following her one day. I saw how happy she was. I did not get angry but I made up my mind to get my wife back. I began to change,hoping she would too. I became scared when she was not responding to my advances as much. She seemed surprised at my change of attitude and was suspicious of my intention.

From her behaviour,I could see she was in love with the dude who was f*cking her. I knew I had to do something fast. The past weeks,I been trying to be a good man:coming back home,playing with my child,tried making love to my wife but she seemed scared. I did not know how to tell her I knew she was also having an affair.

So yesterday when she said we needed to talk,I told her yes we need to. To make it easier for her to talk to me,I opened up to her first and confessed my sins to her. I told her I loved her and I was willing to do anything to get her back. What I was not ready to hear her say was: I am pregnant and its for someone else.

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Ma,I do not know what to do. Is our marriage over? Much as I want my wife back,no sane person can allow his wife raise another man’s child in his home. That is the height of it. I made mistakes but thank God I did not get another woman pregnant. If I did,I would never have the courage to go back to my wife.

My wife told me she spoke to you and that you have been counselling her. She begged me to speak to you,I agreed and that is why I called you. I am confused ma. I love my wife but this is the height of it. I do not know how I can get past this. Is our marriage truly over? I want to hear what you and other people on your platform who may have been through a similar situation will do…

As for me: I will not accept the pregnancy. I feel so hurt and I feel so angry and lost. Maybe this marriage is really not meant to be…its beyond my hands now…Please advise me.

PS: I also want to kill this man that got her pregnant….

From Jide, Morayo’s husband (Not real names)

 

Photo Credit:Daily Active Kenya

 

 

 

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5 COMMENTS

  1. Hmmmm. Like I said,this couple is in counselling,this is not over but I would like to summarize my initial advice to Jide.

    Hello Jide,

    Thank you for reaching out to us. Thank you for the courage of even picking up the phone to call. First,let us pray for God’s guidance on the matter. (And we prayed on the phone with Jide).

    Your wife first contacted me last Thursday and we were really moved by her story. It generated alot of reactions too. Some people felt strongly that she was wrong and could never expect her marriage to work anymore.

    We advised her to get a professional counselor for both of you so both of you can come clean before each other and begin to find ways to address all that has happened.

    I also admire your wife’s courage. She went through quite a lot emotionally during the time of your emotional separation. She yearned for you,cried for you,begged you but you only ignored her and pushed her to the wall.

    In her words,she just wanted you to tell her she was beautiful but you opened your mouth to tell her in her face that she was unattractive: that is like a death sentence to any woman: to think that your husband could say those words….you couldn’t even pretend or hide how you felt

    For 2-4 years,you hardly spoke to her….you left her in the cold…you left her wounded and abandoned.

    Yes,another soldier came and nurtured her and gave her her smile back…now ,all of a sudden you see she is beautiful again?….you see,that is why marriage is not for everyone: its for better or for worse….its for when your spouse looks attractive and unattractive…its for when she looks fat or thin…..or ugly or sad or happy or sick or poor…its for good and for bad…

    My brother,am sure you know you cannot claim to be innocent in this crime. You even shared your own indiscretions….with several women…well, thank God none got pregnant ….you were fortunate…your wife not so fortunate…

    Let us face the facts…this whole situation is a mess….and you started it…your wife followed your footsteps…you are the leader of your home…so you led her to where both of you are right now.

    I do not want to sound judgmental but for both of you to make any headway,everyone has to acknowledge their own share of the blame. That is step one to healing: admit your wrong and ask for forgiveness from God and from each other.

    Next,what do you both want to do with the unborn child? That child should not be the blamed cos it did not ask to be conceived. If you cannot accept the pregnancy,then your marriage maybe truly over. But I can tell you that I have seen several couples who still made it after infidelity even with a child from outside: both men and women.

    The child might be a constant reminder of the pain you both went through but the child may also be a source of joy and blessing later in life.

    No one can really decide what you can do with the pregnancy. Whatever decision you make,let it be one that is pleasing to God and both of you. Jesus paid for all our mistakes…none is too great that His blood did not wash away.

    My advise: hold your wife…cry with her…go through this with her…tell her you love her and will be with her no matter what decision she chooses. If she sees how genuine you are,she will make the choices that will eve make you happy too.

    This is the battle for your marriage sir,what are you going to do,are you going to leave a wounded soldier (your wife) behind? or are you going to bring her home and mend her back…..

    Nothing is impossible unless we say it is….what do you say sir?

    We at LS are routing and praying for you…despite what anyone says…we pray and hope that your love will conquer all.

    We will talk again.

    God bless you and your lovely wife.

  2. PS: The man who got her pregnant does not matter now. He knew he entered into another man’s territory. Do not focus on him for now. Get your healing first…..work things out with your wife and see where it goes….

  3. True you both messed up, but we cannot dwell on the past forever, we need to look for the way forward.
    Truth is, you have communication issue. Just like most men, you find it difficult expressing your feelings to your wife, that is why you could not tell her how you feel that she was neglecting you because of the child. The only thing you did was tell her how unattractive she was and that you did in a very terrible manner which has landed you guys where you are now.
    Now, at this point, there is nothing you can do about the mistakes you both made but to look for the way forward.
    She is already pregnant for another man and that is the reality on ground. Killing the man won’t solve the problem, it will only make you a killer and send you to jail, if not even death.
    You have a choice to either accept your wife and the pregnancy that way, try to forgive and let go of all that has happened and move on with your marriage or you end the marriage.
    Mind you, if you choose to stay with your wife and accept the baby, you will have to forgive her completely and not use it against her or the baby in future.

  4. Thanks to all for your wonderful contributions. The deed is done,but there is hope ahead. I believe both of you can and should reconcile.
    The baby should be handed over to the father,he deserves to know or with his consent given up for adoption. Killing the man that impregnated your wife makes you a coward and a killer. That may end your own life. Pl look ahead and live ahead. God’s kind of love heals all things.

  5. There is healing in Jesus, you need to forgive your wife and move on with your marriage, life is only once, you can’t undo the past but you can make the future right, don’t kill the man, two wrongs cannot make a right, be mature and be like Christ. God bless your home

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