How To Shut Down An Argument Without Shutting Down Your Spouse


What couple hasn’t had an argument? All couples disagree. It’s natural.  In fact, it is normal to have differing opinions from time to time. What’s not normal is fussing and cussing, going back and forth, and arguing till someone shuts down. Similarly, if you’re not careful, instead of shutting down the argument, you can end up shutting down your spouse. So, let’s reverse this. It’s time to shut the arguments down.

Believe me – I’ve been there. Years ago, my husband and I used to argue when trying to get our point across. Occasionally, there were times when he would leave the room and I would follow him, as if to say, “Wait a minute…I’m not finished yet. You are not getting my point.”

How silly right? Well, through the years we have learned a few things that you may find helpful. Shutting down your spouse should never be the goal. Rather, the goal is to not argue and to disagree without being confrontational.


However, if an argument occurs, here are 4 strategies to help you shut down the argument without shutting down your mate.

Stop the argument

Before you are at a point of no return, chill. Bring the argument to an end and agree to come back to it when you have both calmed. Above all, don’t bring the subject up again until the agreed upon time.

Use phrases that express your truth in love to end the argument.

Here are 4 examples:

  1. Let’s talk about this later.
  2. I don’t want to argue.
  3. I care more about you than this argument; let’s drop it.
  4. We are not going to argue; let’s move on to something else.
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Refuse to be taken off your game.

Your mate can’t make you scream and yell. They can’t make you slam doors or call folks out of their name. Really, they can’t make you mad. As a result, take responsibility for your actions and responses. Simply refuse to go to a place where shutting down your spouse seems like the best option. Keep yourself in control of your emotions and responses.

Communicate in a way that expresses love.

Choose words that express love even during a disagreement. I know when my husband says, “Sweetheart” before his sentence, he is choosing his words wisely so not to offend me. I recognize and appreciate that.

When I was a kid my mom would say, “It takes two people to argue. If one of you would be quiet, there would be no argument.” Without a doubt, mom’s advice still rings true today and could be number 5 on this list.

As you look back, you may not remember the reason for half of your arguments with your spouse. Why? Because as important as the matter seemed then, it was really just a small thing in the big scheme of your lives. Now that you realize how insignificant most arguments are you can decide to shut it down.

Arguments don’t do your marriage any good. Instead, have a conversation and hear one another out. Remove the swinging pendulum of emotion. Truthfully, this may take some time, but you can do it. You can shut down an argument without shutting down your mate.


Excepts from blackandmarriedwithkids

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