Saturday, May 30, 2020
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How My Husband & His Cousin Betrayed Me For Years

Dear Ma,

I need advice. My marriage of eight years crashed after I discovered that my husband was cheating with a woman he introduced to me as his cousin. I met this so called Cousin when we were dating,she was always around him but I thought it was just close relatives. Even my husband’s family just thought they were just very close.

When my husband completed our building,she moved in with us because she was having accommodation challenges. She took a room in the ground floor. I used to pray for her for her own husband to come as she was over 30 at the time. One day,we had a misunderstanding…she actually came to my bedroom to discuss something with my husband and I told her to wait for him to come downstairs..

Since that day,she started giving me attitude. I told my husband about it and he said I should forget about it. Not too long after that,my house maid called me and told me to be careful of this cousin. I asked why,she said because she suspects she is sleeping with my husband. I called the maid mad for that allegation. But I made up my mind to be investigate. So,I faked an emergency trip to see my sister in Abeokuta. I returned to my house same night with the help of my maid without anyone knowing.

I went to the cousin’s room and caught them red handed. That was the beginning of everything. They both looked at me and I noticed they were not as shocked as me. This silly cousin just said:now she knows…know what? Well,I thought it was about their affair she was referring to. Long story short,she was also pregnant.

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That was why she wanted to discuss with my husband last time in my room as he was trying to get her to get rid of it. According to her,this was going to be the fifth abortion and she was not going to do it anymore. She demanded to be a second wife. The whole family was thrown into confusion.

The surprising thing was that,my husband supported her and said he loved her and wanted to marry her. A month later,I moved out as I was not going to be humiliated in my own home. By this time,this woman was already struggling to come to sleep with my husband in my matrimonial bedroom. It was quarrel and fight everyday. For my peace and my children,I took my three children and moved out.

That was six years ago. I suffered,staying alone with my children alone in my parents place until I could afford a place of my own. My husband abandoned us completely. It was like the cousin turned his head upside down. Even his family members were cut off. She gave birth to twins for my husband. They had a massive celebration. I moved on with my life. I got divorced officially a year after the saga.

My children are doing well. I am doing well too. I met someone,a divorcee too. He does not have children and we have been seeing each other for about nine months. I like him and he is already talking marriage. Now,my husband is coming back and asking for forgiveness. The cousin ruined him and ran away to America. She left him with the children who are now five years old.

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Now,why is it that its now that a man is interested in me that my husband is coming back? I don’t know….He has been coming with his family to beg and ask me to come back. I feel like its been too long..I was greatly betrayed…there are children from his affair involved…I do not know to accept that…Everyone is blaming jazz…saying the cousin hypnotized him.

I feel like that chapter of my life is over ….he hurt me too much…at some point,I even went into depression….I do not know if going back to him will open old wounds and hence,make me unhappy especially seeing the children he has with that cousin…my family supports any decision I make..please pray for me and advise me on what to do..


Thank you,




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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. My take on this is simple:

    1. Go for therapy with your husband. It may take a while but go to therapy together and begin the conversation that would lead to total healing on both sides…..

    You need to heal from the hurt and betrayal before you move back with your husband…its a process but time helps

    2. Your husband needs to write an undertaking not to misbehave anymore

    3. As for the children from the cousin….take your time…do not rush a relationship with them..they can stay with a relative initially or with you if you can deal with it….with time,you will come to love them as your own…they are innocent children who did not ask to be caught in the middle of this

    4. If you have considered the above and you feel you cannot cope…and you truly have moved on…move on and God be with you.

    All the best.

    • Where the husband heart is ,is where it would be with that cousin,if he could bring her under the roof he can do it again.
      She should move on,set rules in her new relationship and define the agreement.
      When a man loves another woman,he sticks to her or keeps going back, and this is from experience. If that cousin decides to come back ,apologize to him,remind him of their past,he will dump her fast and go back to her.
      Be selfish think of your self first,he is coming back because he is not used to living alone.

  2. For me poster move on don’t go back to ur husband, let him find a new woman.pls move on with ur life.

    I tell u new wounds will be open when u go back,so face ur life without d father of ur children.

  3. Pl don’t go back to your former husband. That cousin must surely come back and definitely your husband or the jazz will work again and he will slid back to her. Move on with your life. For the divorcee ,take it very slowly and pray/watch very carefully.


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