Saturday, December 7, 2019
Home Advice How I Was Deceived Into A Lonely Marriage: Please Advise

How I Was Deceived Into A Lonely Marriage: Please Advise

Good day all,

I want to remain anonymous. I met my husband online 3 years ago. He is based in Ukraine. We chatted online for 6 months and he proposed marriage to me. I was hesitant cos we had not met physically although we do Skype and all.

He now said when he sees me,he is coming to marry me. And true to his word,he came 7 months after our online dating. He and his family came for introduction and traditional marriage.

He stayed around for like a month after our traditional wedding. He left for Ukraine after. I discovered I was pregnant. So,the plan was that he would finally relocate to Nigeria the next year. I gave birth to a baby boy but he was not around.

My husband sends me money but he has never seen his son that is almost 2 years old. Since our traditional wedding,he has not come to Nigeria again. I asked why he did not relocate as he said.

He responded that he cannot relocate to Nigeria as it will not pay him. He is having a good job over there and cannot leave his job. I asked him what about me. He said he will try and be visiting us at least once or twice in a year.

I did not find this funny. This is not the type of marriage I want for myself. Where I will only see my husband once or twice in a whole year? I asked him why I cannot join him and he says its not necessary.

Now,I suspect he may have another woman over there and he just married me to bear him children in Nigeria. That is what everyone is saying. I feel betrayed and alone. I refuse to speak to him for over 5 months now.

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This marriage feels so much like a trap. I fell for him and I want out. My family is asking me to be a little patient but patient for what na…when this man has openly told me that he will see me once or twice in a year.

This situation has pushed me to the arms of someone else. There is this man in his late 30s who is flirting with me. Nothing has happened between us but we make out. I may be falling for him and I want to divorce my absentee husband.

My father is in support but my mother wants me to be a little patient. I am 35 years old. How long will I continue to wait for an absentee husband? If you were in my shoes,what will you do? I need advise.

I need love in my life. Marriage is about companionship but my husband is not here. Its another man who is not my husband that is providing that companionship. I did not marry to just be wife on paper.

Even do we used to Skype initially but now,we don’t talk anymore. I need my husband by me and since he has refused to be with me,is it wrong for me to move on?

I do not want to cheat …but I have feelings…body no be fire wood.My child needs a father too. Please advise.

 

Anonymous LS Facebook Fan

 

Photo Credit:Times Of India

Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Madam,

    Its important to get to know someone very well before you commit to marriage.You dated someone for 6 months without meeting him. The first time you meet,you get married. Well, that sounds magical but magic is not real life.

    While it may have worked for a few people but long distance marriage is not for everyone. Frankly,you should have communicated that to him before marrying him. He should have relocated before you married him. Or you could have joined him before marrying him.

    Now,if he is not available when you need him, I would advise you to give a little more time. Its been only 2 or 3 years right? Give it another one or two years…if he does not show up…then you can move on.

    I wouldn’t advise you to be seeing another man because you need companionship. In marriage,there should be discipline especially when one spouse is not around. Hold on a little longer. Do not cut off online communication with him. The more you communicate with him,the easier it will be.

    This is not going to be easy. But marriage is not always easy. Sometimes you have to sacrifice and give love and prayers and hope and patience and understanding. You once loved this man…or you saw something in him that made you love him…hold on to that thing.

    Give it some more time. At least,give him time to make changes ….so it will be clear that you did your best.

    God bless

  2. Hi dear,

    Marriage is fir life and you have a child to think of. You started your relationship based on long distance and infrequent contact and now sadly it seems to have defined how you relate. This new guy is a distraction and will not marry you, solve the issue or be the replacement you hope for. If he is aware you are married, your situation and is still flirting with you, he has seen you as a desperate and lonely woman. In other words, easy prey for a quick, meaningless roll in the hay. The most he will do is hang out for a few months then gradually ghost you and disappear. In his mind you have disqualified yourself as a potential wife by emotionally cheating with him. In other words, he won’t trust you to be faithful.

    You have a husband and must try to repair your relationship. By absenting yourself from his life for 5 months, you have created a vacancy on his side and yours ….don’t let the devil get a foothold.

    You must speak to him and work out a compromise. Could you relocate to Ukraine? Could he try to come more often. Could he Skype more often? Have you tried everything or has your head been turned by the new guy?

    Be cautious and seek Gods face before everything.

    Wishing you the best.

    Mrs Sho

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