Wednesday, February 19, 2020
Home Advice How I Got Entangled In An Emotional Affair: Please Help!

How I Got Entangled In An Emotional Affair: Please Help!

Hi Everyone,

I really want to thank you for the interactive session last week on the many temptations husbands face and how to overcome it. It was like it was me you were talking about. I want to share my experience and ask you for your advise as well.

My wife and I hit a rough patch last year. It was very tough for us. I love my wife,we have been together for 9 years and we have two boys. We quarreled alot,mostly because I did not like the fact that her job as a high brow hotel director affected our marriage.

She was hardly around. Our children were raised by my mom who had to move in with us. Yes,I know she had a career in hospitality business when we were dating but we discussed that later in marriage,she would quit and go into events planning so she can have time for her family.

However,she only got more and more involved in her career. She traveled around the world. Money was good,her job provided everything we needed but not her time. It was very tough. We quarreled anytime she came home after like 2 weeks of travel. I was miserable.

The loneliness I felt made me closer to a female colleague in the office. Short of sleeping with her,I had done every other thing. I had smooched,cuddled and kissed her. But every time it wanted to go further,I would restrain myself. This lady was my comforter when my wife was not around for many months.

Earlier on this year,things began to look good. My wife all of a sudden began to work less. She eventually put in her resignation in February and started her event management company. She began to try to build our marriage but I was already emotionally involved with my colleague at work.

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This really put a strain on us again. My wife knew there was someone else but she did not know who it was. She begged me to give our marriage a second chance and I started trying to cut off from my colleague. Note,I have never had sex with my colleague but we have done every other thing together.

The problem I have now is,this colleague of mine is not allowing me to work on my marriage. She is adamant that she is in love with me. She is a single mother. And every opportunity she gets ,she still wants me back. I had a talk with her that I want to work on my marriage but she is threatening to deal with me if I abandon her.

I know I led her on. I made her believe we were good friends so she feels betrayed but I have to work on my family. On top this,she is making things pretty difficult for me at work. Unfortunately,she is a much senior manager and she has been picking on me for no reason. She is also a relative to the owner of the company,she says she can have me fired for sexual harassment in the office.

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Last time,I got a query and almost got sacked cos of a flimsy mistake at work. She engineered management to begin to see me as incompetent. I cannot report her. She is like family to the owners of the business. I will not stand a chance if I go against her.

Work is no longer enjoyable for me because of this woman. Its my fault I know. I feel like the only way for me is to quit the job. I have started looking for another job but have not been successful so far. Every day at work is hell for now. I am really frustrated. What do I do?

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Danny,

    First,you need to talk to your wife. Let her know what is going on. You need an alibi…someone to know the truth of the whole affair. Yes,your wife might be disappointed but that is the best thing to do.

    Your wife will also be your accountability partner so you do not fall for this lady again.

    Next, ask for this lady’s forgiveness and hasten your job search: the earlier you leave that place the better for you. There is not hoping the lady will change…even if she does…what is the guarantee that if you have anther weak point in life,you will not go back to her.

    An emotional affair can be harder to break off than a physical one. In emotional affairs,people lie to themselves that they are not doing anything wrong cos there is no sex involved. But that is the most connected relationship….you see the other person as your soul mate and wish you could leave your current spouse to be with them.

    Just lie low for now,stay out of her way as much as possible….and find a job as soon as possible so you can leave there.

    God be with you.


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