How I Got Caught Up In My Husband’s Double Life

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Hello ma,

I dated my man for almost three years before he started talking marriage. He operates his businesses between Lagos and Benin. He has businesses in both cities and that’s how we met in Benin. He was always shuttling between two cities and in all honesty,I thought it was because of his business. He is a good man and I never had any reason to suspect that he was not sincere.

I have been in several relationships before this my husband and one thing I vowed never to do is to be in a relationship where the man will be cheating or the man is a married man. I have met  family in Ijebu Ode. I know his siblings,they sometimes come to see me even when we were dating. We got married eventually in February last year. My husband rented a house for us in Benin but he still goes to Lagos every two weeks for business. Sometimes he spends like four or five days.

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By God’s grace,everything went well and I got pregnant with my first child and had a beautiful baby girl in December. (Now,thinking about it,my husband made a remark when I gave birth that my next child must be a boy. I thought it was just wishful thinking,nothing more).

Being my first child,being born by CS,my husband’s Elder sister came to help me out. One day,as she was bathing my baby,she mistakenly called her another name, Olamide (not real name). My Baby’s name is Oladapo (not real name). I asked her who Olamide was,she became startled. She said,it was a slip of tongue. I could see she was visibly shaken, I knew she was hiding something.

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When my husband came,I told him what happened.He said he had no idea why she did that. He was silent afterwards so I thought its was nothing. But the next day,his elder sister hurriedly left. I asked why she was leaving,she made up stories about an emergency or so. That made me become very suspicious.

So,days later,I took my husband’s phone which I have never done before in our marriage or relationship. I chatted the same sister on whats app. I pretended to be my husband chatting with her. I asked her why she mentioned Olamide to my wife. That I am very disappointed. That was when the greatest shock of my life rolled in. The sister replied: broda mi,I am sorry,I did not mean to mention the name of the daughter of your first wife. It was a mistake,I am sorry. Pardon me. Ejo,emabinu (do not be angry with me).

I froze for a minute and composed myself to get more information. I asked her if she has heard from my wife.

Her response was:”She and the children are fine. When you come to Lagos this weekend,I will come around and plead wit you again”.

I replied:’Don’t worry,its alright’.

So,there I got the rude shock pf my life: my husband is married. His wife and five children are in Lagos. I showed him the evidence from his phone. He denied it but I told him it was over,I was taking my child and going to my parents where he will come and explain to them how he deceived them to marry me when he already has a wife. I cried and cried that night. The next morning.my husband calmed down and confessed to me.

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He has a family in Lagos. A wife with five girls. He said he is looking for a male child. His wife could not try for another child because she suffered health challenges after their last child. His wife is not aware of me he said. But his family is aware. I could not believe my ears. So,I am a second wife to a man whose first wife is not even aware of my existence?

Most painful thinking to me now is,so what if I also do not have a male child,will this man also deceive me and go and start another family in another city? This is not how I planned my life. I do not want to be a second wife and I do not want to be with someone who connived with his entire family to deceive me. My family is upset but against divorce because of shame. I could care less. I am just waiting for my baby to be one year and I will leave this marriage.

My mother is pleading with me to stay after all,I am not the one at fault and my husband is taking care of all his responsibility with me and my child.But I cannot help feeling betrayed even though my husband has begged me to forgive him. How this man that I loved for years before getting married was able to fool me for so long is hard to bear. His family too..they are wicked.

I am so angry and bitter and confused. Please advise me.

You can keep my name confidential.

From Mrs Anonymous,

Benin,Edo State.

 

Photo Credit:iStock

 

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1 COMMENT

  1. Hello Madam,

    I don’t know where to start but I think you should calm down. It is very shocking but everything will be alright.

    That he deceived you, is very hurtful but how did you not pick any sign ..not even a single clue as to the fact that he is already married to someone who has five children is quite shocking..

    My advise will be,do not take any rash decisions yet…take some time,maybe travel to somewhere you can pray and think and meditate without distraction.

    Whatever you decide,please make sure you find peace in your heart and happiness for you and your child.

    The Customary court and traditional marriage system recognizes polygamy as a form of marriage in Nigeria.

    Some women are able to live in such marriages,if you can,its not your fault and God does not blame you but if you cannot,God also does not judge you. The dynamics of a polygamous marriage is quite different from the monogamous one. You may need to reach out to the first wife and let her know you were not aware of her existence. She may be hurt as well.

    Either way,find peace and strength to move forward from this.

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