I am having problems in my marriage. We have been married for 7 years now with 3 kids. My wife is the cause of our problem and she does not appear to want our marriage to work.
Even though she is a nice woman,communication has always been a problem between us. Sometimes,I wish I had not ignored that when we were dating. I made excuses for her when we had communication issues then.
My wife came from a polygamous home where there was always mistrust and suspicion of each other. That made her find it difficult to trust people. Her parents separated and her father did not care about her and her siblings.
My wife has carried that same attitude into our marriage. I made my reservation known to her about her ability to trust during our courtship. She assured me she was working on that. I felt empathy towards her too. I mean,its not her fault that she cannot trust people.
My wife runs a fashion business. She always made me believe she was barely making any money from her business. Complaining of staff sabotage,theft,poor patronage..etc. So I have been the one basically responsible for everything we need to run our home.
From school fees to house rent to feeding to everything. I earn close to N150k. That is very little needed to run a family of 5. But I struggled and did my best for my family. There were some very difficult times but we pressed on.
In the course of our marriage,my wife lied to me that her elder brother was building a house for their mother. A year later,this same brother bought her a land and said we should build on it when we are ready.
This year,I wanted to apply for loan cos things were so difficult for us. I asked my wife if we could use the land as collateral. She refused vehemently. I felt she was selfish. I mean,the brother bought it for us together,not her alone. But she refused.
All these while,I had never seen the papers of the land. One day,as she left the house,I returned home and searched her things for the land papers. That was the beginning of our problems.
That day,I found out my wife had 2 houses and several lands in this Lagos. I saw photocopies of the properties’ documents. All were in her name. I was so shocked but when she got back and I asked her,she became very hostile,upset that I went through her things.
My wife refused to explain how she got all those properties cos I told her not to lie cos there is no way her brother could afford to buy everything for her. I questioned why she kept all a secret from me. Instead of my wife to explain,she said it was not my business.
What man would not want to know how his wife amassed so much properties while the family had been struggling all through the marriage? My wife’s excuse is that,she could not trust me to tell me cos she did not want to end up like her mother who was abandoned by her father.
I am not like her father and she knows it. I know her fashion business could not have given her the means to acquire all the houses and lands either. I accused her of having a source of funding that I know nothing about.
Since that time,we have not been seeing eye to eye. I called her family to talk to her but are clearly in support of her. I told my wife that I am no longer comfortable in the marriage cos of what she did. I told her to either come clean with me or our marriage is done.
Her response would shock you: she said that she knew men could never be trusted and it was for this same reason I gave her that she did not tell me about her houses and land. In her words: for fear of losing it all when I found out.
While I don’t blame her for her serious lack of trust,it does not take away the fact that my wife is deceitful and untrustworthy. I have been struggling as a man to come to terms with this. She has said we can move into one of her houses which is in Ikeja GRA. But I swore not to do that until she tells me how she got the funds to get all her properties.
Our marriage has not been the same since. She does not even respect me anymore as the man of the house. My family thinks she has a sugar daddy sponsoring her. I suspect that too but I have been too hurt to think about what to do.
How do I remain married to such a person? Please advise me.