How I Am Stuck In My Sexless Marriage With No Chance Of Escape


Dear Admin,

Most people would have easily ask me to divorce my wife of eight years after reading my story but my parents raised us up against the idea that divorce is the way out. My parents have been married for almost 40 years and they have become like a reference point for us,their children and many other married couples in our community.

Before I got married,I was involved with a girl (Joyce) from my town,in Oyo. We dated for two years and the sex was amazing with her. But we didnt end up getting married because,one my parents would not have approved. This lady was a little the free type,not exactly wife material. Secondly,she cheated on me and I was hurt. My parents always encouraged us to go for a God fearing lady for marriage and so,I met Damilola from our church choir and we dated for eight months without intimacy before getting married.

Damilola my wife is the typical church raised girl. She was raised in very strict home. I was her first and she never knew anything about sex except from me. Sad to say,that was a turn off for me. Dami is not inclined to exciting intimacy. She sees it as a wifely duty for procreation. Maybe her lack of exposure also contributes to her sexual ignorance. I try to teach her and make her understand that a man wants intimacy to be fun and exciting but she does not agree with me. Over the years,intimacy with her is like a once on a month affair,especially when she is ovulating. That is how come we are able to have children. When I touch her,she pushes me away. I get really frustrated and I had to resort to masturbation cos I couldnt bring myself to cheating on my marriage.

I suffered like this until a year ago when I went home for an event and ran into my ex,Joyce. We connected again and I ended up in her house that day for several rounds of sex. It was like I was being delivered from a prison of sex deprivation. I couldnt help myself. Since then,I travel from Lagos to Oyo every week just to sleep with Joyce. Sometimes,Joyce comes to Lagos and I meet up with her in a home for some romping session and that has been how I have kept my sexual needs satisfied.

Many times,I feel guilty for cheating on my wife but she is the cause of my going astray. One time,she started suspecting I was cheating,she confronted me and I told her what man wouldnt cheat when she is starving him of sex. Instead of this woman to understand me,she went into days of fasting and prayers for God to deliver me. I laugh because,its not God or devil,she is the one. I wonder why she would not admit that she is the one that needs to change.

She even reported me to their pastor,I was summoned. I told them what my wife had been subjecting me to. They counselled her to change and she tried to increase the sex to three times in a month and those times,she would lay down there like a log. Complaining that it is hurting her. She did that for about three months before returning to status quo. She says that she does not like sex that much. She practically said I was free to do what I like,that is go on and cheat. But she goes around fasting ad praying for me to change whereas she is the one that needs to change.

I feel like I dont know how I got myself into this mess. I finally opened up to my parents and all they told me is that I have to manage as marriage is till death do we part. And sincerely in my heart,I dont want to divorce,I dont want my kids raised up in a broken home. So I am kind of stuck. I only wish my wife would genuinely make an effort to change.

So here,I am in a sexless marriage and I cannot divorce. What can I do please?


Ikeja GRA,Lagos

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Mr Olufemi,

    What you and your wife need to do is go for professional therapy and counselling sessions.

    Alot of women are usually sexually frigid but we help and counselling tend to get better.

    As you pointed out,her upbringing may have contributed to this. But I believe your wife loves you and you guys can fix your sex life.

    I perceive that there is lack of proper communication between you and your wife, If you are able to bridge the communication gap,the sex gap can also be addressed.

    You can call our phone numbers to speak with any of our counselors.

    God bless you.


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