How Do I Know My Fiance Will Remain True All The Time?

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Dear Jzhane,

Please hide my ID. I am a born again child of God. I am in a relationship and engaged to a christian,both of us from the same church. As a matter of fact,both of us are members of the same activity group in church. Before we started dating,we knew each other as friends for almost a year. I had actually relocated from the North to Lagos and I guess he checked me out for a year before making his intentions known.

Being in a relationship with him is cool but we actually started having sx along the way. I told myself that it was because we were so in love and could not keep our hands to ourselves. But every time,I felt guilty after the act. I knew I was not living right. I struggled and I told him that we have to stop having sx as this is not my idea of living a godly christian life. He struggled too but he agreed.

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Then,like five months later,he proposed to me. Our pastor and our parents became aware and we started planning our wedding. In the process,we started having s*x again. This time,when I tried to stop,he would tell me that what is the use of abstinence when we are already engaged to be married. I told him its the way I feel,I feel bad anytime we do it.

This time,he did not take it well. He would get moody and sometimes not even bother to call me for days. That was when the quarreling started. He would pick up a fight on little things. I knew it was the s*x that was the main issue. I then told him to speed up the wedding so we can be together once and for all. But he said he wants to finish his professional exams (ICAN) first. He still has one year to complete his exams.

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As a result of all the quarreling and constant arguing,our relationship became strained. After not hearing from him for like three days,I went to his place to see him. He was not there but I have my key so I let myself in. I met his place unkempt and from the look of things,he had brought a woman there. There was also used condoms in his room.

He returned and I confronted him and he lied saying his old school friend brought his girlfriend and they stayed in his room. I looked at him with tears in my eyes because he is a terrible liar. Ma,at that point,I told him it was over. I returned his ring to him and left. He begged me and begged me for several days. He could not bring it to our pastor because he knows they will reprimand him.

For two months we were apart until my pastor actually noticed and called us. There and there,he settled us after seriously cautioning him. We reconciled. Everything has been cool  for almost seven months. It just two months to our wedding day. He was in my place when his phone kept ringing,I asked him who was calling,he said an old friend. I told him to speak to the person,he said the person was calling to ask him for money.

Eventually,the ringing stopped. Soon as he went to ease himself,I took the phone and checked the number. I copied it and saved it. But out of curiosity,I checked the same  number on his whatsapp and went through their chat history and behold,I found naked pictures of a lady in my church choir in his whatsapp gallery.

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As soon he came out of the loo,I showed him the pictures and he said it was nothing,that its the girl that has been on his neck,forcing himself on him. That he did not mean to encourage her but since we were celibate,he was just only masturbating to her pictures.

Ma,I am very tired. I do not believe him but he swears that he was only looking at her naked pictures. I read their chat and from the look of things,the lady was the one who initiated the chats,he was just busy sending her like emojis. I feel disrespected. In my presence,he called her and told her to stop sending her pictures and that he is engaged so she should leave him. He begged me and promised to be a better man. He promised to remain single eyed going forward.

Do I have anything to worry about? Should I still give him a chance? My wedding is exactly two months away…I love this guy…I honestly do..but can I trust him to be faithful if we get married? I reported him to my pastor who counselled him . My pastor said asked me to forgive him that he believes that my fiance is truly sorry and will never hurt me again or e unfaithful to me again….what do you think ma?

 

From Anonymous LS Telegram member

 

Photo Credit: W24

 

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Hello dear,

    Its a bit tough to advise you on what to do. This is because,you should know your fiance better than anyone.

    Do you think he has a genuine heart? He may be struggling but he needs serious discipline. He needs to be true to himself first. Can he admit that he needs help and discipline?

    If the wedding is postponed,will he be faithful?…when there are few occasions in your future marriage when you are both not having sex for a temporary period,how will he remain faithful?

    Your pastor has counselled him and believes he is truly changed…what does your gut tell you?

    Thing is,everyone has the potential to be driven by sexual desires,especially to cheat…but its only those with enough courage and discipline to remain faithful that counts.

    Its your decision to make…pray about it and let God lead you.

    Cheers!

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