Friday, November 15, 2019
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How Do I Forgive When The Wounds Keep Opening Up?

Dear Ma,

How do I forgive my spouse and heal completely so we can move on. I have been married for 8 years. Earlier on in my marriage,there was infidelity on my husband’s part. It was a very rough first 3 years of our marriage. We did not see eye to eye on alot of things.

Our marriage has been through several phases. We have been able to understand each other a little more. As it is,with prayers and counseling,we have been able to understand each other. We really want to make our marriage work.

My husband loves me and I love him. We have four children. But its so hard to truly forgive my husband and I think I need help. The reason is because,even though we have both forgiven each other for the hurt in the early part of our marriage,I found out that my husband kept some secrets from me.

The case of infidelity,I thought it was just with one person but I found out it was with several persons and that revelation has really crushed me. I truly want to move on. I forgive him but why does it still hurt so much?

Sometimes I suspect he is  not yet completely faithful even though he says he is. I dont know if I can keep living in suspicion.

Please advise me.

Hauwa,(Not Real name)

Kaduna

 

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Jzhane
A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J

1 COMMENT

  1. Hello madam,

    Forgiveness and healing is possible if and only if you adopt the approach of:forgiving even before the act is committed.

    That means…even though the infidelity has happened or is yet to happen, you have to make up your mind that your value your love for your husband more than his flaws.

    Secondly, you and your husband need to learn to be completely honest with each other. What is causing the infidelity….what can be done to stop it completely?

    Do you both need behavioral therapy to address certain behaviours?

    Take couples retreat, and take time to speak about everything that both of you have done in the past or still doing that may hurt the other person…come out clean and make up your minds not to allow anything break your love for each other.

    Maybe he needs help.find out how you can help him. Maybe become his accountability partner.

    Maybe you both need to re-dedicate your marriage and commitment to your marriage.

    Make a vow..to be faithful and be committed.

    Remember forgiveness is not given sometimes because its deserved but because it’s good for your total peace of mind.

    Even if a new revelation comes up…address it and move on.

    As long as you are both committed to making your marriage work,you will eventually overcome your challenges.

    It takes two to tango though…it can be frustrating if only one person is committed to making it work.

    If that is the case,then you can only take as much as you can. Talk to God about it. Be patient but make sure you dont lose your peace within this .

    Focus on you…focus on your well being. Tale care of yourself. Live for yourself and not for how your husband makes you feel…

    Make sure you live happy irrespective of what your husband does….no human being is responsible for your happiness but you…

    You will be fine…one day at a time.

    God will guide you .

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