Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Home Advice Helplessly In Love With Someone Loyal To Another: Please Advise.

Helplessly In Love With Someone Loyal To Another: Please Advise.

Good morning Lively Stones,

I need some advice. I am in a love fix. I have always been a hard guy,never ever thought any girl can make me feel this week in my knees and the biggest problem is that I cannot have this girl as the coast is not completely clear.

So,I moved into a new apartment about nine months ago. A nice and quiet environment with a BQ that housed a young woman and her 4 year old son. This woman is fine. As in,fine dieeee. I could not believe she already has a child. I thought she was married but I never saw any man around her.

Every morning,as I drive to work,I see her taking her child to school.A couple of times,I have given her a ride to the bustop. Her smile and gentleness around her is something else. She seemed shy too but friendly. One day,I asked her about the boy’s father and she said,they did not get married before he was posted.

Apparently,her boyfriend is a soldier on active duty. They have not seen each other for almost 2 years since he was posted to Liberia. His family does not know about her. Thy were just boyfriend and girlfriend before sh got pregnant but he never really said anything about marriage to her before he was posted. I found out but she has been trying to wait for him to see if things can work out if he returns.

On her own,struggling to raise her boy,I admired her strength and courage but I knew she was not finding it easy. She was doing cleaner job to keep herself and her boy. I decided to patronize her. I asked her to wash my clothes and I paid her like 5k for it every week. She did that very well. We became friends.sometimes gisting until I was sure she too was becoming drawn to me.

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The attraction was undeniable. I could see her struggling . She started avoiding me. She would do my laundry but refused to gist with me. I fought with my own feelings too. Until one day,she came to my apartment around 11pm. I was surprised to open the door and find her standing there.

I asked her if everything was alright. She took off her clothes and stood before me stark naked. She said she knew I wanted her and she wanted me too. I was dazed . Yes,I wanted her but not like this. I asked her to dress up. I knew she was still waiting for her boyfriend. I admired her commitment but I was not going to be the other guy….its me or no one else

At this point,she sat up and begin to cry. All the frustrations she had been going through became too much for her to hold in. She cried. I held her. Kissed her. But stopped there. She thanked me for being a gentleman. And left. As she left,my manhood cursed my mumurism (foolishness) but I held back.

Next morning,I woke up with the sound of commotion: the agent to the building where we lived had come to her room and was throwing her things out. Apparently she owed rent of almost two years. I asked her why she didn’t tell me. She said she tried to but coudln’t. I pleaded with the agent and promised to pay the rent by the end of the month. The guy refused.

He locked up her place and left in anger. Apparently,the agent wanted to sleep with her too but she refused. I had no choice but to ask her to move into my 2 bedroom apartment. My plan was to help her until when I can come up with the money at the end of the month. That is how this hot girl started living with me.

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To express her thanks,she started cooking for me too. It felt too good. I looked forward to coming home,playing with her son,chatting with her until late in the night. I must have held myself so much until I could not anymore. We made out more and more. I asked her to marry me. She said yes but she wanted her son’s father to return so she could tell him first.

Her loyalty to this guy is something else. It made me so jealous. I do not see why she has to wait for him. Its not like they are married na…and the guy’s family is not aware of her existence. I told her its unfair to ask me to keep waiting for this guy before we can move forward. In anger,I paid her rent and she moved back to her BQ. I started bringing other ladies to my apartment to make her jealous.

She ignored me and that killed me so much. I went back to her after a week and she told me she was disappointed I could not wait. That loyalty is a big deal for her. I promised to wait. I love her too much. She has moved back with me. I love her more each day. She makes me so happy. But she wont marry me until her son’s father returns.

Please advice me…is this right…am I stupid to wait…what if this guy returns and she leaves me for him? what do I do?…why cant she marry me..someone please help me make sense of this…my friends think I am stupid for waiting. She has met my family,they all love her….how long is this wait sef…what if this dude never returns…

I need advice…I need to marry this woman…I cannot risk loosing her if this man returns…what should I do?




Photo Credit:Vidoewapnet

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A passionate people and godly relationship advocate!...Trained Psychologist and Human Resources Practioner. A seasoned Marriage and relationship counsellor. A mother, wife, sister, friend and daughter. J


  1. Hello Jackson,

    I do not mean to be rude but I agree with your friends: you seem so smitten with this lady that you lost your darn mind.

    Who houses and loves another man’s woman?

    As long as she is insisting on waiting for the guy to return,it shows she has unresolved feelings for this guy even though they are not married and his family has no knowledge of her.

    Do yourself a favor…..give her a deadline to get married to you or you walk away…

    Don’t forget her guy is a soldier….you do not want to mess with a soldier’s girl.

    What if he returns and she says to him,she only hooked up with you cos she had financial difficulties or you forced her and she could not resist cos of her financial difficulties?

    Use your head bro….be careful!

  2. I will say, move on. There is no guarantee that she will still marry you when her soldier guy returns. He may return and she will tell you she wants to work out things with him because of their son.
    I don’t think that lady is really into you and want to marry you. She may just be using you to pass time while waiting for the father of her son.
    So my candid advice to you will be to move on.

  3. It’s really hard when you love someone and they don’t love you back.

    How can you make her to love you?

    What if she gets pregnant for you?

    Maters become complicated.



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