Help!…My Husband Is A Parasite, How Do I Continue To Live With Him?

13

Good day Admin,

I am a 42 years old woman. I have a successful career but I didnt have a husband until last last year. It was really tough when I was single especially as I began to approach late 30s. I was scared I was going to be alone for the rest of my life. I didnt know why most men didnt want to marry me. We would date for a couple of months and they end up breaking up with me. So when I met Phillip,an estate agent,I was happy that he took interest in me. The only problem was that his job as a real estate agent didnt pay much. He depended alot on commissions and most times,it was difficult to make sales so he was always without money.

I didnt bother much cos I have my own money. We dated for about six months. I gave him a car. He moved into my apartment. I got pregnant shortly so we quickly organized a court weeding and traditional marriage. My marriage has not been without challenges cos I am basically the bread winner of the house. I would not complain except that,my husband has refused to find something else that would give him good money. It does seem like he is very comfortable with me taking care of him and the house. He has never spent a dime on me since dating or even now that we are married. I paid for our marriage expenses. Even gave him money to transport his people to the wedding in my village.

His attitude these days is that of entitlement. He is used to me giving him like N300k every month for his personal expenses. I have enough but I feel terrible like he is not trying hard enough. My parents are disappointed. He has never bought them anything as their in-law. And he sees nothing wrong with that. Now,when I dont give him money,he begin to shout and say he will leave the marriage if I cannot support him. He tries to blackmail saying he married me out of pity,that alot of women will die to have him. I see how other women flirt with him on socila media. There is one that even sent him nudes.

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I am beginning too worry. This man is more of a parasite than a husband to me. So what am I really doing in this marriage? Yes,I was desperate to get married. But now,I have gotten married so no need for the rush again. I have a baby,so I wont be alone for the rest of my life. Perhaps,its time for me to leave this marriage and start afresh? Of course,I knew what I was getting into when I married Phillip but I never knew this was going to be permanent. My parents didnt train me in school for me to become another man’s source of income.

My parents think I should wait a little longer before leaving the marriage. They dont want tongues to start wagging. But should I really care at this stage? Over the weekend,Phillip and I got into a fight cos he asked me for N1M but I refused to give him. He needed it to buy his mother an iphone. I was like,I cannot afford it,besides,I am sure the phone is not for his mother but a side chick. If he wants to give his b*tch an iphone,then he should make the money to buy one. I won’t give him money for that. Phillip got so angry an almost became violent. He actually shoved me aside and has not spoken to me since Saturday morning.

Is it too early to file for a divorce,our marriage is barely a year,do you think he will eventually change? I am financially stable but I cannot continue to fund my husband and his bad habits. What should I do?

Julie,

Lagos.

Photo Credits:MadamNoire

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13 COMMENTS

  1. Hello Julie,

    Thank you for your email and honesty.

    I think you shouldn’t have married this man in the first place. Now,its best to make it work. Do your best to continue to try to work out the issues with him . I suggest that you both go for counselling. You need to talk about the root cause of these problem,perhaps you can get him to be more committed financially after getting help from therapy.

    Also pray for him. He could change if he really wants to. He also needs to begin to appreciate all you have don for him. He shouldnt have to pay you back by hanging out with other women.

    In any case,as long as the violence does not continue,stay and ask God to help you make things work.

    All the best.

  2. I think you have got to make a decision for yourself and make it on time as the baby is on the way
    As for me, I will advise you leave the man as you’re yet to do a church wedding, also considering that wedding expenses were done by you.
    Now the one that’s really bothering me is this, he is staying at your place and once you tell him you want to separate from, he might show his true color
    I have heard a lot that died from DM recently and more so, since its barely a year that you both got married, he might be thinking that you used him.
    Please if you to separate from him, stay away from him and make sure he packs out, if possible go where he can’t locate you. As for your child, he and his family might say they want the child, that’s why am stressing you stay away from him
    As for him changing, I don’t think so my dear, he’s rubbing it on your face that he did you a favor, and he is got ladies that want him and those sending nudes, shows how he is disrespecting as a human being and a wife. I hope what ever happens, you and your baby should stay safe

  3. My dear Julie, yes you made a mistake by marrying him but you can correct it. First, I want you to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel, lay all these concerns you’ve shared with us to him in a peaceable way. If he is listening tell him you will be grateful and more helpful if he decides to change. If his not listening, tell him you will need sometime on your own, meaning you guys will separate for a while till you know exactly what next step you want to take with him. Before telling him this last statement, make sure you’ve gotten a separate apartment where he will never find you because “the heart of man is desperately wicked” says the bible.
    Tell your parents about your decision and make sure they don’t tell anyone else. Separate from him, pray for him from there cos the way his going, he might become violent or murderous… I’m sure with prayer and separation, he will come to his senses.
    I wish you the best

  4. My sister flee that marriage. It was a mistake and you may get drained in the process. Please don’t bother about the society, even if you leave in 10 yrs time(that’s if you survive it) they will still talk. Even the Bible says any man that can not provide for his family is worse than an infidel. RUN, FLEE and don’t look back.

  5. I will not blame her for marrying him despite seeing the handwriting on the wall. However, since it is obvious that he is an unreasonable man, I’ll advice her to leave NOW and take care of her son in peace..
    It is better to be a single mum than have him end her life out of frustration. Infact, worrying about his attitude can affect her health over time.

    I just hope she won’t wait until he gets really violent with her before quitting.

  6. The comment here are awesome. Thumbs up to everyone for your comment. I think the whole thing started in a wrong way. Paying for your bride price or all expenses. Hmmmm. Thank God you got a son. If he doesn’t value ,move ahead and train your child. That’s my own opinion

  7. I suggest you quit the marriage, if you are living in a rented apartment you can start planning to leave the house without his consent. Get a new apartment then move your things when he is out and continue your life. Thank God you have a baby now.

  8. The say love is blind.. That may be true in Mill and Boon romantic novel but not in real life situations. It is better to continue single hoping and praying for the best to come rather than be pressurized into a relationship that will drain you emotionally, psychologically, financially and otherwise..

  9. My dear if u can separate for some time , imagining asking for one million for mother in law’s phone. He is an ungrateful man , will never receive sense until he go back to the old world .

  10. Dear Julie… if he gets physical with you please leave but if he doesnt i had advice you manage his excess and get pregnant again.once you do get a house secretly and then on one of his rendezvous to his side chick get a truck and pack out all your properties. at least with two kids you wouldn’t need to marry again

  11. Plsss I wil advice u leave cos he wil not change,I was once in dat kind of situation too.so my sister plsss save ur life Dan to b sorry ltr cos it wil lead to violent soon cos dat s wat I experience.

  12. Hi
    You started off on the wrong note. Although I can relate with your predicament, our society does not make it easy for single ladies.
    I believe the root of this matter is his joblessness and his neglect to do something about it.
    The way you spoke about your financial stability, you should have connection to help him find a well paying job, which is what you should have done instead of constantly giving him money. Do that and see if he changes by having a sense of responsibility.
    I believe the outcome of the above mentioned will determine your next line of action.
    Thanks.

  13. Ehyyaaa,your desperation at that time made you do things blindly,you should have gotten him a proper job before having a plan of marriage with him,the truth is that there are many men like your husband out there esp in this era,he knew what he was doing when he agreed to marry you,he saw a money making machine,he never intended to be useful,i bet even his estate agency thing was a lie,he is a worthless golddigger,you just didnt see it, in as much as you were wrong,you pratically married yourself but if he was anything near been a MAN,he would know that you are Hod sent to him, man up,do all his best and be a husband but no,his likes are usually dumb and heartless. Please stop giving him a dime,if hes becoming violent in any way,physical,words,attitude,move out. Call both parents tell them exactly what has happen from the begining,hold your ground that you do not want the marriage any longer,if he wants to pull trouble bcos of your child, let him have the child for a while,i bet he will return the child in no time becos he can not takia of him.i wish you all the best,always remember you are beautiful and some one out there will appreciate you.cheers

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