Help My Friend- She Is Getting Married But In Love With Another

Editor’s note:
This a question from someone on Whatsapp. Please share your thoughts,how would you advise him? Kindly drop your comment section below.
Greetings ma’am,
Sorry it’s coming late but I’ll have to get your advice on this….. If need be, everyone’s contribution too. A friend of mine confided in me concerning something that has been bothering her. She was friends with a guy who reside and does his business in Lagos and they developed strong feelings for each other in the sense that the guy loves her so much that he’s planning on settling down with her .
They made it compulsory to be bed un-defiled till marriage for 3 years now (they agreed to be celibate) though distance also helped them in other to achieve the feet…… Mind you,this guy’s the new guy. (For the purpose of better understanding,lets call the guy John) Before she met this guy, she was still love and in serious relationship with someone else whom  she lost contact with after she went for a skill acquisition training in same state but another city…..(lets call this former guy:James)
She’s into fashion design and Catering. As years went by, they met again and rekindled their relationship (i.e.James). John and my friend are serious about marriage but the truth is,she is more in love with her former lover (James) that is the one she’s deeply in love with…
However, her family did approve of it all because of age long believe that they related somehow. But two of them are finding it hard to accept. Though I’ve done my own part as a friend would advice to this lady but she needs advice on how to convince the guy to accept it in good faith that they were not meant to be together.
From our investigations,James family are distant relatives to my friend’s mother. They said that James family used to stay in the same compound with my friend’s maternal family members, they are from the same village and because of that,they insist that the families are too related and therefore,they cannot approve of their marriage.
My friend is finding it very difficult to let go of James. She also finds herself going back to the guy once in a while. If it’s prayers, I bet she’s trying her best.
Now,she is preparing to marry her fiance of three years but truly her heart is with her lover and she is confused and afraid that she is making a huge mistake. How can you advice her?
I need the house too to contribute. Thank you ma.
From A Whatsapp member.
Photo Credit:Marie Claire
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  1. Good day,

    This is what I think,if her family is against the marriage to her former guy,let her forget him and focus on the new guy.

    Yes,her heart may still be with the former guy but that is because she rekindled with him…so let her un-rekindle!

    In other words,who your love is your choice…the heart may want someone else but you can train your heart to love someone deliberately,that is what your friend should do.

    She should deliberately forget this old guy and deliberately focus and love her new guy.

    If you are wondering why I am not supporting her going to her former love? Well,simply because,if they were meant to be,they would not have lost touch…not in this day of telecommunication and internet. Secondly,the family insist that the relationship is too close,while I may disagree with that (because as long as they are not cousins,I do not see why the family should disagree),she should also learn to respect her family’s wishes…maybe there is something they are trying to protect her from that she is not aware of..

    She can also investigate the level of closeness her family is worried about.Let her go to the village and ask questions…just to be sure that there is no true blood relationship with James’ family.

    The most important thing she should do is to keep praying…let God show her the best way to go about this.

    Maybe,also,she should delay her wedding to John…to see where her heart and the Holy Spirit truly leads her…but three years with John,please do not take too long in making up your mind..

    I wish her all the best.


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